Friday, May 4, 2012

What are you afraid of?

This is a tough line of thought for me.  Generally I feel sort of fearless,  but when I really sit and think about it- I am a whole mess of fears!  For this exercise, let's go with just the top four.

1-  Fire- specifically getting burned.  I know- crazy coming from a smoker (and someone who has recently begun laying in a tanning bed again) but being burned scares the daylights out of me.  I have burned myself literally dozens of times over the years cooking.  Grease burns (I still have scars from the most recent grease burn!), oven burns, boiling water, grill burns- you name it I have burned myself with it.  Fact- no matter how slight the burn- it hurts like all heck!  I know, in my head, that if God Forbid, I were ever in a fire, I would more than likely die of smoke inhalation first, but I have seen in my 45 years far too many stories of folks who were horrifically burned and that scares the heck out of me.  Not the disfigurement, but the sheer pain.

2- Loss of independance.  Most of my RA friends will understand this but knowing that I have an illness that most likely will end up with me unable to do things for myself makes me more than a little crazy.  I am the caregiver- to think that I may need one, well, that's one quick way to get me into the doldrums.

3-  Extreme heights.  Have you seen that "points" ad where the chick climbs to the top of "the rock she really had in mind"?  Just watching that ad makes me feel a little nauseated.  "Lower" heights still don't bother me.  Last summer after a storm I was scaling my parents roof to remove limbs like it was my job.  I was never afraid of heights until we went to the top of the Stratosphere in Vegas.  Jim, Josh and I went out to visit my folks when Dad was still stationed at Nellis and did all of the tourist stuff.  Jim and I went up on the top of the Stratosphere and were walking around the observation deck when suddenly a whole group came out.  I ended up pressed against the railing and looked down.  Instant vertigo.  Hubby had to pull me away from the rail and help me back inside and that was that.  I just can't do it any longer.

4- Falling- this ties right in with the heights, but I can't deal with that feeling of being completely out of control as I fall.  My first thought was those rides where you are sitting in a seat and are taken to the top of what I think of as a pole and then it drops really fast?  Just typing that made my stomach drop.  Rapellng?  Um, no. I am not putting my faith in a little rope.  Base jumping?  Far too close to an object that I can hit.  Parachuting- not in this lifetime.  There is no reason to leave a perfectly safe plane and hurtle through the air. The funny thing is that as I think about this, even that slow motion, trip over your own feet and fall to the ground moment scares me more than it ever hurts.

There you have it, that's my top four.  Unfortunately, I could probably go on for quite some time longer.  I guess it's time to get out of my own head and go do something that challenges myself!  

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