I don't know about you but when I was a kid, a snow day was just about the greatest thing since dill pickles. A snow day meant staying in jammies and watching tv for a while, then getting bundled up and going outside to play in the snow for hours until we couldn't feel our fingers or noses. It meant collecting snow for snow cream, which mom would make for us and we thought we were just SO fancy. It meant hot cocoa and soup to warm you up. It was a day of freedom from school and homework. It was like a surprise vacation. Who didn't love a snow day?
Then I grew up. And snow days meant traffic hassles, finding a sitter or calling in to work and losing pay, and other headaches as it disrupted the day. It certainly changes your perspective when you are on the other side of the "kids getting to be home all day" coin. LOL.
Seven years ago- I started working in higher ed. Guess what? Snow days became fun again! I think we watch the tv and websites as hard if not harder than the kids!
Today- school was called off at 5:45 am. I let out a whoop that probably would be heard at my hubby's work. I called him anyway to let him know so he wasn't surprised when he got home. I poured myself another coffee and sent up a quick word of thanks. I started a tenderloin in the crock pot for pulled pork for dinner. I watched a show on my DVR- and now a second- and very soon, as soon as this cup of coffee is finished and this show is over- I am heading back to bed. It is such a wonderful indulgence to be able to crawl back in bed on a Tuesday morning- not because I am sick, not because I am in a flare- but just because I want a nap.
So now I have come full circle. I am back where I was 35 years ago- incredibly grateful for a snow day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Taking a big step
Confession time: I am a smoker. I have been a smoker since I was....fourteen or fifteen years old. I actually think I started smoking about the year they put the warning on the side of the box. That is what? 28 or 29 years ago? I knew the health risks but as a teenager- I thought I knew it all. I thought I was invincible. *I* would never get addicted. Yet another example of how stupid teenagers are.
I have tried to quit a thousand times. I have tried the patches (which burned my skin), the gum (couldn't stomach the taste), Zyban (lasted 6 weeks but even my boss- who harrassed me to quit- was ready to hand me a cigarette I was so moody) and cold turkey. Nothing has stuck. Though I know it is not an "excuse"- but the difficulty of efforts have been compounded by the fact that my darling husband is also a smoker. Trying to quit smoking while your partner is smoking is, for me, so very, very hard.
I have been thinking and thinking about quitting again. Having tried to quit so many times I know that it is the actual action of smoking that I "miss" when I try to quit in addition to the nicotine withdrawl. So this time I am taking a novel approach for me. I have given myself a gift on the recommendation of a dear friend of mine. On Friday afternoon, I ordered an "electronic cigarette" kit. My friend tried these a few weeks ago and has not only not resumed smoking- but said that the one cigarette she picked up- made her dry heave. Now that is a deterrent!
Not actually cigarettes- these are personal vaporizers that are shaped like cigarettes. The action of "Vaping" is just like smoking. You inhale and the battery kicks on and activates an atomizer which creates a vapor. The vapor contains anywhere from a small amount to no nicotine (you choose the strength of the cartridge when you order) but no tar, carbon dioxide or any of the other chemicals in "analog" cigarettes. There is no smoke- the vapor is waterbased so there is no second hand dangers either. The cartridges come in everything from "regular cigarette" to cola to fruit flavors- so there doesn't have to be a cigarette smell either. What I have read on the "vaping" boards also tells me that the cost is less than half of what I have been paying for cigarettes (beyond the start up cost)and we know that that cost is significant. I am so excited to switch to these things. I am expecting my kit to come either this afternoon or tomorrow and I can't wait to get my batteries charging and toss away my cigarettes. I believe that this will help me wean myself off nicotine while not being enticed by my other half smoking. I ordered several different strengths and flavors to start with so that I can try them out and see what I like and what works for me. The nice thing is that I can step down as I please and my hope is that I can start by substituting half of my regular smoking with lower nicotine levels and go from there. I even ordered some yummy sounding flavors with no nicotine at all.
Cross your fingers for me- if this works- I will be smoke free in a matter of days!
I have tried to quit a thousand times. I have tried the patches (which burned my skin), the gum (couldn't stomach the taste), Zyban (lasted 6 weeks but even my boss- who harrassed me to quit- was ready to hand me a cigarette I was so moody) and cold turkey. Nothing has stuck. Though I know it is not an "excuse"- but the difficulty of efforts have been compounded by the fact that my darling husband is also a smoker. Trying to quit smoking while your partner is smoking is, for me, so very, very hard.
I have been thinking and thinking about quitting again. Having tried to quit so many times I know that it is the actual action of smoking that I "miss" when I try to quit in addition to the nicotine withdrawl. So this time I am taking a novel approach for me. I have given myself a gift on the recommendation of a dear friend of mine. On Friday afternoon, I ordered an "electronic cigarette" kit. My friend tried these a few weeks ago and has not only not resumed smoking- but said that the one cigarette she picked up- made her dry heave. Now that is a deterrent!
Not actually cigarettes- these are personal vaporizers that are shaped like cigarettes. The action of "Vaping" is just like smoking. You inhale and the battery kicks on and activates an atomizer which creates a vapor. The vapor contains anywhere from a small amount to no nicotine (you choose the strength of the cartridge when you order) but no tar, carbon dioxide or any of the other chemicals in "analog" cigarettes. There is no smoke- the vapor is waterbased so there is no second hand dangers either. The cartridges come in everything from "regular cigarette" to cola to fruit flavors- so there doesn't have to be a cigarette smell either. What I have read on the "vaping" boards also tells me that the cost is less than half of what I have been paying for cigarettes (beyond the start up cost)and we know that that cost is significant. I am so excited to switch to these things. I am expecting my kit to come either this afternoon or tomorrow and I can't wait to get my batteries charging and toss away my cigarettes. I believe that this will help me wean myself off nicotine while not being enticed by my other half smoking. I ordered several different strengths and flavors to start with so that I can try them out and see what I like and what works for me. The nice thing is that I can step down as I please and my hope is that I can start by substituting half of my regular smoking with lower nicotine levels and go from there. I even ordered some yummy sounding flavors with no nicotine at all.
Cross your fingers for me- if this works- I will be smoke free in a matter of days!
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Second Half of My Life?
I am not a huge Rosie O'Donnell fan but I don't dislike her so when she was on Oprah a week or so ago I tuned in with half an ear. At one point, Oprah asked Rosie what she had been doing for the last few years and Rosie said "Planning the second half of my life." That caught my attention. In fact, I had to rewind and listen again. It seems Rosie lost her mother when her mother was in her 40's and therefore, Rosie always expected to die at the same age. When she didn't- it caught her off guard and she wasn't sure what to do. She had always planned her life but had never thought beyond that point. That resonated with me and since I wasn't sure why (I still have my mom, thank goodness, so I could not relate to the whole story) I kind of tucked it into the back of my mind and didn't think much about it again. Well- last night, while showering, it was like a ninja bomb (thanks Dane Cook for that term-lol) went off in my head. I got it. It came to me in a flash that I relate to that turn of a phrase because it is very much like my diagnosis with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
I sincerely doubt that any of us planned for having Rheumatoid Arthritis invade our lives. When we were children we didn't sit there and dream "I am going to be a writer (lawyer, actress, comedian, fire fighter, cowboy, ballerina- chose your dream) and will live in a big house and wear fabulous clothes and have a disabling autoimmune disorder." I know that I didn't. When my diagnosis came- all my plans for my life came to a halt. Rather than doing all of the things I had planned; I was thrown into a life of finding what works for pain management, of trying to keep my immune system from revolting as I pumped it full of drugs designed to stop it from doing what it was doing, of raising awareness and learning to live with all of the other things that come with a disease with no cure.
Having a diagnosis of RA and Fibromyalgia on top of it (no one ever claimed I do things in half measures) was for me and many like me, the end of my life as I had known it. I was 38 years old and falling apart and that was NOT what I had planned. What I didn't think about, until I saw the Rosie & Oprah interview, was that it was a new beginning as well. If I look at it from this vantage point I can see that it truely was the beginning of the second half of my life. What I didn't think about was that I have been going through this journey a day at a time with no plan. I had avoided thinking about the future because I was afraid of the unknown and RA is the epitome of the unknown. Not knowing how I will feel and how my body will behave one day to the next has kept me in a sort of mental paralysis. But no more. I am inspired by those words in a way that Rosie will never know.
So the next fork in my road is to work on a plan. I have (hopefully) another 42 years in front of me. I have many things to look forward to that RA will never touch and I know, after four and a half years of living with this, where my limits are and what I can do. I can make a new plan for my life and work WITH my disease(s) and not against it. I don't have to let it stop me or hold me hostage any longer. More importantly, if I make my plan and my health goes south a bit, I can rework my map to accomodate the detour. It won't be easy to visualize my future but in the end the goals and dreams can be achieved if I find a way to keep them in sight while still living in the present.
So how about you? What is YOUR plan for the second half of your life?
I sincerely doubt that any of us planned for having Rheumatoid Arthritis invade our lives. When we were children we didn't sit there and dream "I am going to be a writer (lawyer, actress, comedian, fire fighter, cowboy, ballerina- chose your dream) and will live in a big house and wear fabulous clothes and have a disabling autoimmune disorder." I know that I didn't. When my diagnosis came- all my plans for my life came to a halt. Rather than doing all of the things I had planned; I was thrown into a life of finding what works for pain management, of trying to keep my immune system from revolting as I pumped it full of drugs designed to stop it from doing what it was doing, of raising awareness and learning to live with all of the other things that come with a disease with no cure.
Having a diagnosis of RA and Fibromyalgia on top of it (no one ever claimed I do things in half measures) was for me and many like me, the end of my life as I had known it. I was 38 years old and falling apart and that was NOT what I had planned. What I didn't think about, until I saw the Rosie & Oprah interview, was that it was a new beginning as well. If I look at it from this vantage point I can see that it truely was the beginning of the second half of my life. What I didn't think about was that I have been going through this journey a day at a time with no plan. I had avoided thinking about the future because I was afraid of the unknown and RA is the epitome of the unknown. Not knowing how I will feel and how my body will behave one day to the next has kept me in a sort of mental paralysis. But no more. I am inspired by those words in a way that Rosie will never know.
So the next fork in my road is to work on a plan. I have (hopefully) another 42 years in front of me. I have many things to look forward to that RA will never touch and I know, after four and a half years of living with this, where my limits are and what I can do. I can make a new plan for my life and work WITH my disease(s) and not against it. I don't have to let it stop me or hold me hostage any longer. More importantly, if I make my plan and my health goes south a bit, I can rework my map to accomodate the detour. It won't be easy to visualize my future but in the end the goals and dreams can be achieved if I find a way to keep them in sight while still living in the present.
So how about you? What is YOUR plan for the second half of your life?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Provoking Introspection through Snowflakes and Spiderwebs
My son has a very big decision in front of him at the moment. His decision will affect a number of people close to him and it has the ability to affect his future in a very, very large way. He is 22 years old and is at what could be a pivotal time in his life. As his mother- who adores him-I don't feel it fair that I influence his decision in any way so I have given him his options without going in to the pros and cons of each. Those reasons for and against each option are what he must decide for himself and what will make the decision his and his alone.
I don't know if he realizes how very fortunate he is to have so many solid options, but I do. The decisions that we make, big and small help define us. One thing that I am going to suggest to him when I speak to him again is that he use the "Snowflake method" to review his different options.
If you are unfamiliar with the Snowflake Method, it is actually a way of plotting out a novel. If you google it- there are literally thousands of webpages devoted to how to use it and to the pros and cons of doing so. The thing that I like about the snowflake method is that once you become comfortable with it you can apply it to anything from its original purpose of crafting a story to figuring out how you will pay down debt, to making important life decisions.
The way that I would do this is to take a blank piece of paper and draw a triangle large enough to write inside, flip the paper over, and draw an equal triangle upside down on top of the first. This will give you something that looks like a six pointed star. At the center, write your option. In each of the six points, write different things that will happen if you chose that option- for example- what your job will be, where you will live,anything that needs to be considered. Now, on the outside of each point, draw a triangle for as many things for each point as you need to consider until you exhaust all of the possibilities. These can be the pros or cons or anything neutral. As you build upon each of these points- you will find that you have a lovely snowflake- and you have laid out all the things to think about- including the ones you may have missed had you not put it to paper.
The opposite of the snowflake method is something that I call the "Spiderweb". Spiderwebs are a way of looking back at decisions you have already made and seeing how your decision changed your life. Though you cannot unring a bell, there are two different ways of using the spiderweb to learn more about yourself and about the life choices you have made. This exercise can be both fun and enlightening. Both will be done using the same structure, it is all in how you look at your choices. The first way is to take a real decision that you have made and evaluate it, the second is to look at the opposite of a decision that you made and do the "what if" scenario. Either way you choose to approach it- you begin with a circle in the center of your paper. Inside the circle, write the decision. From there, bring out as many lines as you need to write how that decision affected your life. From each of those lines, bring over lines to show how each of these ties connect to one another and those should somehow create and outer circle. From those connections, bring out a line to show the effects of the outer circle and so on and so on until you have exhausted all of the possibilities and consequences.
I have done this exercise with many of the large decisions I have made in my life. What the majority of these spiderwebs have shown me is that many of the things that I thought that I wished I had done, would have changed my life in ways that would have made me an entirely different person, and many of the decisions that I thought I regretted- gave me more blessings than I realized.
We make decisions, large and small, each and every day. Taking the time to think them through before you make them, or looking back on their effects afterward can teach you to live your life without regrets. It can show you that even your "mistakes" are lessons that will allow you to grow. They can remind you of blessings that you have been given and may have lost sight of along your path. Those are gifts that cannot be taken away.
I don't know if he realizes how very fortunate he is to have so many solid options, but I do. The decisions that we make, big and small help define us. One thing that I am going to suggest to him when I speak to him again is that he use the "Snowflake method" to review his different options.
If you are unfamiliar with the Snowflake Method, it is actually a way of plotting out a novel. If you google it- there are literally thousands of webpages devoted to how to use it and to the pros and cons of doing so. The thing that I like about the snowflake method is that once you become comfortable with it you can apply it to anything from its original purpose of crafting a story to figuring out how you will pay down debt, to making important life decisions.
The way that I would do this is to take a blank piece of paper and draw a triangle large enough to write inside, flip the paper over, and draw an equal triangle upside down on top of the first. This will give you something that looks like a six pointed star. At the center, write your option. In each of the six points, write different things that will happen if you chose that option- for example- what your job will be, where you will live,anything that needs to be considered. Now, on the outside of each point, draw a triangle for as many things for each point as you need to consider until you exhaust all of the possibilities. These can be the pros or cons or anything neutral. As you build upon each of these points- you will find that you have a lovely snowflake- and you have laid out all the things to think about- including the ones you may have missed had you not put it to paper.
The opposite of the snowflake method is something that I call the "Spiderweb". Spiderwebs are a way of looking back at decisions you have already made and seeing how your decision changed your life. Though you cannot unring a bell, there are two different ways of using the spiderweb to learn more about yourself and about the life choices you have made. This exercise can be both fun and enlightening. Both will be done using the same structure, it is all in how you look at your choices. The first way is to take a real decision that you have made and evaluate it, the second is to look at the opposite of a decision that you made and do the "what if" scenario. Either way you choose to approach it- you begin with a circle in the center of your paper. Inside the circle, write the decision. From there, bring out as many lines as you need to write how that decision affected your life. From each of those lines, bring over lines to show how each of these ties connect to one another and those should somehow create and outer circle. From those connections, bring out a line to show the effects of the outer circle and so on and so on until you have exhausted all of the possibilities and consequences.
I have done this exercise with many of the large decisions I have made in my life. What the majority of these spiderwebs have shown me is that many of the things that I thought that I wished I had done, would have changed my life in ways that would have made me an entirely different person, and many of the decisions that I thought I regretted- gave me more blessings than I realized.
We make decisions, large and small, each and every day. Taking the time to think them through before you make them, or looking back on their effects afterward can teach you to live your life without regrets. It can show you that even your "mistakes" are lessons that will allow you to grow. They can remind you of blessings that you have been given and may have lost sight of along your path. Those are gifts that cannot be taken away.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Perking up!
As I sit here this morning typing this, I have a 15 pound ball of love on my lap which, while it makes typing difficult, is a very sweet start to my morning. Auggie has spent most of the last three days either snuggled up on or next to me while Harley has not let me nap once without her. It is as if they knew that I was under the weather and wanted to give me comfort.
I am going back to work today. The fever finally broke last night. I woke up around 10:30pm with all of the covers off of me- which is a huge change from not being able to get warm enough. I got up, changed into lighter pj's and crawled back in bed with both pups at my feet. My ears are still clogged (throwing off my equilibrium) and I am still tired and achy but I am feeling well enough that I will take my Zicam with me and go in and try and catch up today.
I was reminded yesterday how very fortunate I am to have a job in which I am allowed an ample amount of sick time. The caveat here is that I doubt that I will be dipping into it for this week as I have quite a bit of comp time built up. There are many people who- if they had been as sick as I have been for the last few days- would have either had to dip into their hard earned vacations, have just not been paid at all or have risked losing their jobs altogether. I also was blessed with a revelation. I never-ever- thought I could be a stay at home wife. I thought I would be bored senseless. I have discovered that should our often hoped for lottery win happen any time soon, I could walk away from the working world with very little guilt and find contentment right in my home.
That means that this bout with a virus has given me two things to be grateful for. And now, it's time to get back to the "real world."
I am going back to work today. The fever finally broke last night. I woke up around 10:30pm with all of the covers off of me- which is a huge change from not being able to get warm enough. I got up, changed into lighter pj's and crawled back in bed with both pups at my feet. My ears are still clogged (throwing off my equilibrium) and I am still tired and achy but I am feeling well enough that I will take my Zicam with me and go in and try and catch up today.
I was reminded yesterday how very fortunate I am to have a job in which I am allowed an ample amount of sick time. The caveat here is that I doubt that I will be dipping into it for this week as I have quite a bit of comp time built up. There are many people who- if they had been as sick as I have been for the last few days- would have either had to dip into their hard earned vacations, have just not been paid at all or have risked losing their jobs altogether. I also was blessed with a revelation. I never-ever- thought I could be a stay at home wife. I thought I would be bored senseless. I have discovered that should our often hoped for lottery win happen any time soon, I could walk away from the working world with very little guilt and find contentment right in my home.
That means that this bout with a virus has given me two things to be grateful for. And now, it's time to get back to the "real world."
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Something to make you smile
Okay- well- it makes me smile. I am under the weather and going back to bed. My laptop is set to these little guys. Who doesn't love puppies?
They stream live most of the time- when not streaming- there is a slideshow available.
Free TV Show from Ustream
They stream live most of the time- when not streaming- there is a slideshow available.
Free TV Show from Ustream
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thank goodness for Sunday
It has been a rough night for me. I don't know if it is because we spent a couple of hours walking around the Kentucky Expo Center, climbing in and out of boats and RV's and just wandering through the exhibits or if it because I had a big old soda this afternoon in addition to my pot of coffee and the caffeine is starting to turn on me- or a combination of the two- but sleep has been elusive tonight.
I came home from the Expo Center and we took a lovely nap. Made dinner, took the dogs for a walk, watched a movie and two episodes of Accidentally On Purpose (LOVE That show- so hope they don't cancel it), took my evening Tramadol and Flexeril and went to bed around 10:30. Somewhere between 8 and 10:30 everything started tightening up. When I went to bed I found it very, very difficult to get comfortable. Back, neck, shoulders, everything was hurting. It didn't help that someone in the complex was having a party tonight and just as soon as I would settle down and start to get to sleep- someone would come or go and the cars were making little Auggie nuts so he was barking. After tossing and turning, turning and tossing- and actually feeling my fingers stiffen up inch by inch and waking up over and over- I finally gave up around 2. I knew that if I stayed in bed flopping around- Jim wouldn't get an sleep either.
Soon after I got up- the party ended and Auggie was able to settle down for the night but a gorgeous storm blew in. With the first crack of thunder and rumble of lightening I was so startled that I went to open the slider to check out what was going on- which of course brought the dogs running (because really? Who's going out or coming in at 2:30am?) but they quickly went back to the living room to snuggle back down while I watched the storm. When the storm was over- I started emptying out my DVR. What better time than in the middle of the night?
This is one of the trials of living with both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Here's the thing though- years ago, when I was first diagnosed-I would have been in a huge self pity mode here three hours in, now- not so much. I would have thought that my whole life was going to be this cycle of pain and lack of sleep, but now I know better. I know that- while this is not a total aberration- I will at least have an equal number of good nights as I do bad. I would have panicked that this was the beginning of a big flare but now I know that if I take the right steps, a flare is not a guarantee. I also know that being that today is Sunday- I can crawl back in bed at some point and sleep or even just rest as long as I need. In fact it is my intention to wait another half hour or so and take the puppies out for their walk, come back and take my Sunday meds (Tramadol and Folic Acid, then an hour later my shot of MTX) then wait until Jim gets up so we can work together to start the roast in the crock pot. Then I will draw a hot, hot bath, sit in there to relax my muscles a bit, throw on some really warm clothes (read:sweats) and take a small stack of magazines in to my bed and stay there as long as I can stand it. I am not really good at complete inactivity but if it means that I am feeling better tomorrow- I can do it.
My lesson this morning is that I really have grown and gotten a handle on living with these two chronic illnesses. I am facing this hurdle with a plan of action and a positive attitude rather than letting the pain make me miserable both physically and emotionally. I have realized that though I just had to use a whole fist to hold a spoon to eat my yogurt and am typing super slow this morning, it's not the end of the world- I got the job done. I am also so grateful for this lesson that the lack of sleep is worth it! Could it be a blessing in disguise? I am thinking so. Then again- I could just be delirious. ;-)
I came home from the Expo Center and we took a lovely nap. Made dinner, took the dogs for a walk, watched a movie and two episodes of Accidentally On Purpose (LOVE That show- so hope they don't cancel it), took my evening Tramadol and Flexeril and went to bed around 10:30. Somewhere between 8 and 10:30 everything started tightening up. When I went to bed I found it very, very difficult to get comfortable. Back, neck, shoulders, everything was hurting. It didn't help that someone in the complex was having a party tonight and just as soon as I would settle down and start to get to sleep- someone would come or go and the cars were making little Auggie nuts so he was barking. After tossing and turning, turning and tossing- and actually feeling my fingers stiffen up inch by inch and waking up over and over- I finally gave up around 2. I knew that if I stayed in bed flopping around- Jim wouldn't get an sleep either.
Soon after I got up- the party ended and Auggie was able to settle down for the night but a gorgeous storm blew in. With the first crack of thunder and rumble of lightening I was so startled that I went to open the slider to check out what was going on- which of course brought the dogs running (because really? Who's going out or coming in at 2:30am?) but they quickly went back to the living room to snuggle back down while I watched the storm. When the storm was over- I started emptying out my DVR. What better time than in the middle of the night?
This is one of the trials of living with both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Here's the thing though- years ago, when I was first diagnosed-I would have been in a huge self pity mode here three hours in, now- not so much. I would have thought that my whole life was going to be this cycle of pain and lack of sleep, but now I know better. I know that- while this is not a total aberration- I will at least have an equal number of good nights as I do bad. I would have panicked that this was the beginning of a big flare but now I know that if I take the right steps, a flare is not a guarantee. I also know that being that today is Sunday- I can crawl back in bed at some point and sleep or even just rest as long as I need. In fact it is my intention to wait another half hour or so and take the puppies out for their walk, come back and take my Sunday meds (Tramadol and Folic Acid, then an hour later my shot of MTX) then wait until Jim gets up so we can work together to start the roast in the crock pot. Then I will draw a hot, hot bath, sit in there to relax my muscles a bit, throw on some really warm clothes (read:sweats) and take a small stack of magazines in to my bed and stay there as long as I can stand it. I am not really good at complete inactivity but if it means that I am feeling better tomorrow- I can do it.
My lesson this morning is that I really have grown and gotten a handle on living with these two chronic illnesses. I am facing this hurdle with a plan of action and a positive attitude rather than letting the pain make me miserable both physically and emotionally. I have realized that though I just had to use a whole fist to hold a spoon to eat my yogurt and am typing super slow this morning, it's not the end of the world- I got the job done. I am also so grateful for this lesson that the lack of sleep is worth it! Could it be a blessing in disguise? I am thinking so. Then again- I could just be delirious. ;-)
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