Friday, May 18, 2012

The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

If you have been reading "me" for a while, you probably already know this.  When I was 38 years old, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I did what I assume everyone does when hit with something like this.  I went through the stages of grief.


You can accept without being truly happy though.  You can accept and still have the "Why me?"  You can accept and still freak out fairly often worrying about what is to come.  I tried to keep myself busy.  Not that I wasn't already busy- (working 2 jobs, raising a teenager, going to college, being a wife) but I went a little manic because being busy meant I didn't have to think about being told that if we didn't aggressively treat the RA I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 45.

Eventually burning the candle at both ends added to chronic fatigue from the disease landed me flat on my back and I realized I couldn't keep doing that little trick.  In the meantime, my Mama had a stroke.  I cannot express how grateful I was when she pulled through.  I was giving thanks every single day during her recovery that we still have her, that she was making strides to get better.  And something clicked.  When I gave thanks - I felt better.  Thinking about what Mom was going through minimized my stupid illness.  Yes, I had daily pain, but when she initially had her stroke- she couldn't even remember my sister's name.  Yes, it was hard to get moving in the morning, but she was struggling to remember how to do basic tasks.  I had so much to be thankful for!

Writing has always been an outlet, so I started writing down what I was thankful for.  As I did this- my attitude started to shift.  I felt lighter, more peaceful, stronger.  After we made the move out here, I decided to commit to maintaining the gratitude and thus, this blog was born.

I haven't perfected this "Attitude of Gratitude" by a long shot.  I still get cranky, okay, I admit it, bitchy.  I sometimes go days without practicing gratitude but when I do, I can feel the shift inside me.  Then I know I need to make a concerted effort to get back on track.  I am fully convinced that practicing gratitude makes an enormous difference in the way I feel both physically and emotionally.  It takes work.  I will never be Mary Sunshine.  I have to say though, the work is worth it in the long run.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.  This morning, you are on my list of people that I am grateful for!  

No comments: