Friday, August 14, 2009

Forty-Two Ways in Forty-Two Days- Loving More

I am going to let you in on a secret that I have discovered within the last two years. When you allow yourself to be happy within your life, the love in your life grows exponentially. Neat huh?

I have taken lots of steps- some big, some definately baby steps- to bring joy and peace into my life and to block negativity as much as possible. A byproduct of that is how I view the things and people in my life.

In an effort to reduce the negativity I have been trying to live the "let it go and move on" lifestyle. It can be very difficult to flip that switch in your mind and get past those little things that drive you nuts about your mate after many, many years. It becomes almost ingrained to let it bother you then let it fester until you blow up. It's kind of funny if you think about it. Say the thing that makes you crazy is that your mate leaves the cap off of the toothpaste. You see it, you put the cap back on (or toss the tube if it has gotten crusty) but you don't say anything because it's such a little thing. Then one by one the little things pile up and when you finally let it all out everything is blown out of proportion because of all of those little things in the back of your head. That said- it is an important step to take to learn to let it go and move on if you want to reduce your stress and let in the joy. One of my tricks to do this was that each time I ran up against some habit that made me nuts is that not only did I clue him in that it bothered me so I could let it go, but I made myself think of some equally small thing about him that I adore. By taking this approach, a funny thing happened.

The more I concentrated on what I love about him and less on the things that bother me, the more things I found to love. The more things I found to love, the deeper my love became. The deeper my love became- the less those silly little things bothered me and the more joy I found in our time together. We have been together now for 25 years and married for 23 and I love him more now than I did when we first got together. As I discovered what was happening between us, I decided to apply it to all of my important relationships and for the most part I got the same results! What an amazing gift that is!

Now- I am not saying that it will work with everyone in your life. There are those folks that are just too toxic or have too many bad things to be outweighed by the good or they are just negative people. When I looked at them objectively I felt it was best to at least minimize my contact with them if not completely sever the relationship. Though the thought of that initially brought me some anxiety, as I stepped away from those relationships it brought me a sense of peace, and isnt' that part of the goal?

When you open yourself up and allow yourself to love more and surround yourself with loving, joyful people your sense of comfort, of peace and of well-being rises. These things bring us great happiness and we all deserve that. I am so thankful to have discovered the way to make this a priority in my life.

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