Day 3- food and family

Today was all about working together.  One of the joys of having moved near enough to my parents to visit on a regular basis is that I can learn things that I never would have.  For example- last year we froze enough fresh peaches, strawberries and corn that I am STILL using them when I have a hankering for them.  This season we have already done my whole year's worth of corn.  Mom and Dad do theirs when they have time and then when I come down, Mom does mine with me so that she can show me and work with me so I get it right. 

Today was tomato juice.  If you have never had "real" (aka fresh- not out of a can) tomato juice- you are so missing out. It is so far superior in terms of flavor than the canned stuff could ever be.   Last week, mom canned tomato juice for her house and also made and canned homemade salsa- which is delicious.  She saved enough tomatos so that this weekend, I could learn to and put up my own tomato juice.  It is just delicious.  We use it to drink, to make soups, to make "goulash"- you name it.  Now I have my own "stock" of it and I am thrilled. 

The important thing about this for me is not that I am stocking up my pantry- though that doesn't hurt.  It is that this is something that my mom did with her mom, and Granny did with her mom- and so on.  I come from a long line of farmers and gardners.  Even if they didn't have a traditional farm- the different family members grew enough of their own fruits and veggies to can and freeze for over the winter.  I can still picutre- down in Gran's celler, shelves FULL of diced tomatos, green beans, corn, dill pickles, bread and butter pickles and other veggies.  What she didn't grow, she would trade her surplus with someone who had a surplus of their veggies.  Learning to can that juice this afternoon made me feel like she was right there with us.  It keeps me connected to my family and my heritage and that is priceless. 

After we finished the tomato juice- Mom decided she wanted to make a cobbler out of her peaches before they go bad.  While she blanched them we visited and then while she was peeling I stepped in to help by making the batter for the crust.  At some point in this- Dad came up and started slicing the peeled peaches.  When we ate that cobbler tonight after dinner- we were eating a true family effort. 

After that we all lay down to take a nap but I could not get to sleep.  I decided to go ahead and run to the store to get batteries for my camera.  I asked Mom and Dad if they needed anything and they each had an item that they wanted so off I went.  While I was in the car, I decided that my gift for today would be the items that they asked me to pick up (I refused their money)  and also a gift of my homemade guacomole to go with Mom's homemade salsa.  They also really like (and I do as well since they had me try them this morning) the Archer Farms Organic corn tortilla chips from Target.  So I added that stop to my trip.  It always takes me half of forever in the grocery because I enjoy myself there, but I think I even took a little longer today because I found myself really lingering over the different ingredients because I wanted it to be just perfect since it was my gift to them. 

This evening my aunt and uncle came over (they live in Illinois and popped in to town for the weekend) and brought my grandmother with them so we could all go out to dinner.  That is usually a fairly stressful thing for me because I find it difficult to be overly "nice" to my grandmother.  There are a large number of things that I blatently do not like about the woman but the top of the list is how she treats my parents.  I only wish all of the people who think she is "just the most LOVELY woman"- knew her home face rather than the snow job public face she puts on. I decided that- for my own peace of mind and out of respect for my parents- I would give her a gift this evening- the gift of civility.  I sat next to her at dinner, I made conversation, I was perfectly polite.  It didn't hurt me one bit- and I am sure that she didn't even realize it because I try very hard to be polite to her- but it was a stretch.  My middle sister "liked" a quote the other day on facebook that said something to the effect of "Being nice to someone you don't like isn't being two-faced, it's called being a grown up."  I couldn't help but think of that over and over again during the meal and dessert. 

It was a beautiful day here today.  The gift I received was that of a gorgeous, temperate, sunny late summer/early fall afternoon.  Perfect weather for sitting outside or on the sunporch with a cup of coffee and watching the dogs chase squirrels and birds and then spending the afternoon learning to put up tomato juice with mom. 

The only downer to the day was that I started having shooting pains from my TMJ to my shoulder.  This particular site is becoming painful more and more frequently.  What I am very grateful for is that Mom and Dad had one of those horseshoe shaped travel pillows in the car because it helps to relieve the pain to lay down with one, and that Mom had Tiger Balm patches in the linen closet.  Tiger Balm- which my child turned me on to- stinks to high heaven but I cannot say enough about how well it works on any and all muscle pain.  I am just very grateful that Mom kept the patches and the balm even though she is not a huge fan, because for me, it blows BenGay and IcyHot and the like way out of the water.  After 30-45 minutes- I started feeling quite a bit of relief.  Now- it's time for bed.  Tomorrow is another day and I have my gift already planned.  :-) 

Day 2

Today's gifts are more traditional gifts.  I am at the beginning of a long weekend and though I had planned on waiting till my hubby was out of work for the weekend- he will now have to work Saturday so he is sending me to my parents with the puppies and will join us after he is out of work. 

So- I am going to see Mom and Dad and I am taking them each a book.  100 Reasons I Love My Dad and 100 reasons I Love My Mom.  There are more than 100- but I want them to know that I am thinking of them always so this is given with pure love.  I was saving these for Christmas- but they seem more appropriate now. 

On a side note- I bought two more copies of the book yesterday.  I am looking for the perfect people to give them to.  I am keeping them in the car because when I know who it is that "needs" this- they will be with me.  I think the perfect time will just speak to me.


I am so ready to spend the weekend just relaxing there.  I need the down time and the pups are more than ready to run free in the yard.  It will be a wonderful weekend. 

Day 1 of the 29 Gifts Challenge

I didn't want to be overly obvious for my first day so I started low key.  I knew my husband was tired tonight and I have a lovely long weekend ahead of me so I came home and without saying anything cooked dinner (it was his night to cook) and then did the dishes(whoever cooks does not clean up) before I told him that it was a gift for him because he had a long day.  He was surprised and I felt good about it. 

Pretty good start. 

My Own 29 day challenge

As I mentioned in my last post, the book "29 Gifts" has really touched my heart.  I have decided to not wait until I finish it but to just jump in since it is September 1st.  The only "problem" is that, as with most challenges in my life, as soon as I made the decision to start- I found my brain kicking into "planning" mode.  What can I give?  Who can I give to?  Planning this out will take away from the spirit of the challenge.  So I had to stop and rewind.  The only "gift" I am planning is books I bought for my parents.  Since I am going to see them this weekend- I will bring their gifts. Before I do however- I think I will write a note and put it in the book.

The challenge is mindful giving.  On the site it asks- "What do you most want to receive?"  My answer was peace and contentment in my soul.  I think this will help me greatly in my quest to live a positive life.  If I receive other "gifts" in the process- they will be bonuses. 

So now I begin- I will keep you updated on my progress.   

29 Gifts

     I usually don't review books until I am finished but I feel that this one needs to be shared immediately.  I was stocking shelves with a new shipment of bargain books for our newly revamped "trade section" and when I went to put this on the shelves I immediately set aside a copy for myself.  Something about it just spoke to me and as I work my way through it- it continues to pull at me both mentally and emotionally.  It's funny because if you look at my bookshelves the selection is very eclectic but the majority is fiction.  This non-fiction account will hold a special place- right next to Eat, Pray, Love. 

To synopsize- the author, Cami Walker, was in a deep downward spiral as she battled Mulitple Sclerosis.  Barely able to get out of bed, Cami's every thought was gripped by negativity.  Caught in a web of "I'll never be able to..." and "Why did this happen to me" our author was to the point that she just wanted to die.  Until she received an unusual prescription from her friend and spiritual advisor Mbali Creazzo. 

"Give away 29 gifts in 29 days. 

Healing doesn't happen in a vacuum, but through interactions with other people.  By giving you are focused on what you have to offer others.  Inviting more abundance into your life.  Giving of any kind is taking a positive action that begins the process of change.  It will shift your energy for life." 

At first, Cami thought Mbali was crazy.  What did she have to give?  They were broke and she felt broken but eventually Cami gave in and began to try this way of life.  What happened next would change the course of her life.  Cami learned that the gifts she gave did not have to be material; only heartfelt and with mindfulness.  The more she gave, the stronger she became.  The stronger she became, the more she wanted to give.  And so, her life was changed forever.  Living from a positive place, Cami is now thriving and living with her MS as opposed to suffering from it. 

As someone who has been working on this premise for several years now, I am inspired by Cami's success in her mission and delighted to find a direct way to add positivity to my life.  I am only on the chapter entitled "The 8th Gift" and yet I am already thinking of who I want to give to and how.  I invite everyone to read this book or check out the website (linked in the title of the post) and let this challenge into your heart.  Part of the prescription is to journal about the journey.  As soon as I complete the book and begin the challenge- I will be sharing it here with you and on the 29 Gifts website blog as well.

Check out the bargain books at your local Barnes and Noble or you can order it using the following information:

29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change your Life
Cami Walker
ISBN: 9780738213569
De Capo Press

Another cup of coffee then away we go-

Good Morning all-  I am having a cup of coffee and watching the weather and it looks like it will be another gorgeous day in Kenuckiana- we love to see those numbers in the high 80's during the day and then finally- finally heading into the 60's for sleeping.  Considering that yesterday was the first day of classes at our University-it truely looks like Fall. 

One of the things that I receive in my email on a regular basis is a newsletter from "The Secret".  Last week- just in time for the craziness that is our rush I received this: 

You deserve to have whatever you want, because you are meant to have an amazing life! You are not meant to suffer or struggle. What would be the point of your life? You are meant to be, do, and have everything you want - no exceptions, no limits!



Decide right now that you are going to have an amazing life. Decide right now that you will not accept anything less. And know that the entire universe and all creation want to give you an amazing life!

The timing on this was impeccable.  I was sitting in my car, flipping through emails on my Crackberry on a small break at work.  I was agitated because we were not where I would like to be in terms of being ready for the semester and I was beating myself up over it when I opened this. Normally I just remove most of my newsletters from my mobile and read them at home but this time I accidentally hit the wrong button and there it was- I think it was karma giving me a much needed nudge in the right direction.  I read it, read it again and then saved it.  I have gone back to that email time and again since I got it and it never fails to make me stop to realize that I DO have an amazing life.  I have a life filled with blessings both great and small.  Each time I read this- I stop and automatically take a moment to give thanks for all of the people (and puppies) and things that make my life wonderful.  It puts me right back on track, it elevates my mood, and changes my attitude at least for the moment.  Once things settle down- I think I am going to print it out and put with the things I am collecting to put on my vision boards.  Heck- by October I may even have the time to finish those visions boards!

Speaking of vision boards- I have a "wall panel" that I purchased for as part of the fundraiser for the Arthritis Walk in September.  I need to "decorate" it in some way.  It can be about the walk, it can be about what gets us through the day with RA- it can be anything it wants as long as it's motivational in some way.  I am at a loss as to where to start.  It needs to be complete by September 18th- so I need to get going on it.  I need to think about what I want to see as I am walking around and around for that 5k.  I want something inspirational I think.  I guess I will start working on that project this weekend.  So here is my question for you- what inspires you to keep going in the face of adversity? 

Work, work and more work

Whew- it has been a very, very long week in my world.  I have been burning the candle at both ends and now I am starting to run on fumes.  Unfortunately- it's not over yet.  I am *almost* looking forward to my infusion next week so that I can get some rest.  This has most assuredly been my toughest semester in the 7 years of doing this job and it's running me ragged.

I know- I know- it's not great for me to be going like this- but it's part of the job.  I am not sure what happened this year but for some reason I feel like we have been behind since the beginning of "crunch time" and getting caught up has been near to impossible.  Our web sales are up quite a bit and that is where we are having trouble getting back on track.  They are coming in faster than we can process them.  In fact- as we were working all day on Thursday- 106 new orders came in.  I stayed until 11pm and we "only" got 95 processed- which means we actually got further behind.  That's pretty rough to wrap your head around.  What I need is about 48 hours of NO customers in store because that is when we get the most of it done- but that isn't happening.  Of course, we want our in-store customers too but it's hard to work on the web orders when you constantly get pulled away.  I enjoy working with the customers- especially the freshmen-in the aisle and helping them find what they need- but I walked out on the floor yesterday to check on a book and didn't get back to the order I was working on for literally 3 hours.

 The other issue is the phone- which rings constantly from 7am till 9:30 or so at night.  If we don't answer- people get mad- but if I would be willing to estimate that 60% of the phone calls are "what are your hours?" and if we let it go to voice mail- the hours are there.  The funny part is that when I check messages at the end of the day- a lot of them are "when are you open on X day?"- which means that even when the message comes on, people aren't necessarily listening.   It would be very-very difficult to justify payroll hours just to have someone answer the phones, especially since most of the information is there.  That is very frustrating.   

Now crunch time has devolved into "go-time".  I have no choice but to finish everything this weekend because classes start Monday.  That is why though it is only 5:45 and we don't open till 10- I am heading in as soon as I finish this cup of coffee and I will stay until.  I am not doing this alone- I have asked for any extra people to come in that can during our open hours- and I will have them concentrate solely on the web orders while those of us who are scheduled can work with the customers.  Hopefully at minimum we can get all of the orders pulled and as many processed as possible while I have people there with me.  Pulling and prepping them is equally as time consuming as the actual processing part and for me- that is where I need the most help.  While I do have to lift and move every order that I process- pulling and packing them is just added stress on my already tired joints and muscles so if I have my team of kids pull and pack- it helps in the long run. 

So what have I learned?  Well- since our web business is only going to continue to grow next semester I am going to take a cue from the bigger stores and change the web processing hours.  One of my fellow managers comes in when the store closes and works till midnight or later.  That may be where we are next semester.  I am also going to insist that every deadline that I establish be met- that was a real issue this semester- and if that means that I have to nag and remind and start coaching people who don't meet the deadlines, that is how it will have to be. 

I will have more time to deconstruct where we went wrong after Labor Day- until then, I will keep on going and make adjustments on the fly.  I am just grateful that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.    

The Great Pizza War of 2010- Part 2

Our own personal Great Pizza War is a mere two weeks behind us and already there is another one brewing.  This one is not on the homefront but over near our two faves and will include five local pizza places with a potential for more to join and will support a terrific cause. 

Tweeted this afternoon from her blog (again- I encourage you to both follow her on Twitter and read her blog) @Loueyville gave us a heads up about the coming Slice of the Highlands best pizza in Louisville competition.  This event offers the opportunity to test the different choices side by side (two of which we hadn't included in our rounds) and vote for the best and more importantly it supports Gilda's Club which offers resources for people living with cancer and their families.  Having lost both my favorite Gran and Jim's mom to cancer as well as knowing (and loving) several survivors, we can get behind this group in a big way.  I wish there had been a "Clubhouse" in Massachusetts when Jim's mom was going through her battle.  I think it could have helped everyone in the family even it if was just to give them more resources for dealing with it.  I also wish we had been aware that there was one in Louisville at that time.  I don't know where the finances will be at that moment but I have my eye on two of the silent auction items already.  Either way- we have added this event to our calendar and will be making every effort to attend. 

The Great Pizza War of 2010- Part 1

     Pizza- it's just one of those "go to" comfort foods that no matter what else is going on, I can sit down with a slice and let it go. When we moved to Kentuckiana- we left behind our favorite spots so the search was on for a new favorite.

     I should say right up front that while hubby is somewhat picky when it comes to many foods-pizza is not one of them. He is happy as long as his pepperoni is sliced not ground and the pizza is fully cooked. He has no problems falling back on the chains- Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Little Ceasars- he can eat them all. That said- I cannot tell you how many different places we sampled. Most often we go for "plain old" cheese pizza as I am a veggie pizza gal and he is an all meat pizza guy. Cheese is a good way to test your pizza as it's very basic and lets the flavors of the components speak for themselves. We did the national chains (yuk!), we did the local chains, we did mom and pop shops- and I was SO disappointed. Part of it is the style of pizza. We are close enough to Chicago that most of the pizza out this way tends to be thick crust and with a pretty sweet sauce. That is too heavy for me. I am a fan of New York style pizza. The difference is extreme and it's funny how definite people are in their preferance- us included. 

     I was close to convinced that our only choice was to make our own. Then, one day after following a fellow New England transplant ( @Loueyville -follow her; she's funny, interesting and loves Louisville as much if not more than I do.) for a while on Twitter- I asked if she recalled my favorite chain from that area and if so- could she recommend some place in Louisville that was comparable. She sent us to Spinelli's Pizza and we were THRILLED.  It was, by far, the closest thing we had found to NY Style.  Spinelli's claims to be "Philly Style".  There is no small or large, it's an 18" pie and that's that.  It's got a nice crust- thin where it counts and thick enough on the sides to grab hold of and go for it.  A good balance between sweet and salty in the sauce and a healthy but not overwhelming amount of cheese.  Equally important in a two person family with an 18 inch pie- it held up overnight at room temp (our preference- neither of us will eat "cold pizza" that has been refridgerated) for a good "next day" pizza.  Chicago style just tends to get mushy overnight and a good NY Pizza gets slightly chewier and the flavors hold up.  We were so pleased that we were more than happy to "cross that bridge" (oh the horror!) and to make the drive into Kentucky when we wanted our pizza. We even took my folks there to introduce them to Spinelli's when they came to visit.  So we should have been content with that culinary hole in our lives filled, no?  We were- really!  Until.......

     We read THIS article.  Now- we had tried Wicks- neither of us particularly liked it.  We didn't out and out hate it- but we definitely did not LOVE it the way many of the people who suggested it do.  For us it just wasn't memorable.  At first glance we saw the pictures of Spinelli's and Wicks in the article and were firmly in Spinelli's corner, and then we saw Papalino's.  Papalino's claims full on New York Style pizza- with the ingredients kicked up a notch.  Our interest was piqued so the next time we had a hankering for pizza- I took a run to check them out.  Perfect thin crust, slightly saltier sauce and the addition of fresh basil as it came out of the oven and it also passed the overnight test-it was a home run in my opinion.  I felt that it was the absolute closest to our NE chain of choice.  While he also really enjoyed Papalino's -hubby did not agree- he was still leaning toward Spinelli's. 

     We came up with an easy compromise for enjoying both by switching back and forth each time we ordered but we had a running argument as to which one was "best".  We didn't think there would ever be a way to settle it until my dear friend came to visit.  As she and I have enjoyed many a pizza together- we enlisted her as an impartial judge.  We did warn her in advance so she didn't eat lunch on her way and on the way home from the airport, we stopped at both places to get a pie for a late lunch.  We did not tell her which of us preferred which pizza- we wanted no bias.  Both smelled wonderful, both were well cooked and had plenty of "bubbles" (we LOVE those-lol) and visually the only immediate difference was the basil on Papalino's.  Her first reaction after tasting both was to go with Spinelli's.  I was ready to concede defeat to the man- but then she said that she was changing her opinion- she kept going back to the Papalino's because there was just "something" about it.  In the end- the next day after we did the overnight test- Papalino's was declared the winner by a very small margin. 

So what does all of this have to do with gratitude and positivity?  I am grateful that my friend came to visit and that she was able to settle this difference of opinions for us.  I am also positive that I won ;-) (HA!) Actually- sometimes it only takes the little things in life to make you happy- and a good pizza is one of mine.

A short video that made me smile

First- I just love TJ Thyne (of "Bones" fame)- I just think he is adorable, but the whole video just made me smile. 

It's fifteen minutes long so if you have the time- give it a go. 

Every once in a while, lightening strikes

I may have mentioned that after my wonderful vacation, I went back to work and it was not a good scene.  We are at the point in our year where things are really ramping up and the next few weeks will be crucial to our success for the year.  I took stock and allowed myself to be overwhelmed and forgot the old adage "Never let them see you sweat."  It is not unusual for me to work extremely long hours during this period and it is such old hat that I don't even need to wrap my head around it- that said- it doesn't normally start until NEXT week.  I was not ready for it and it threw me.  Needless to say- it has been a really rough week.  6am starts and some days as late as 9:30 pm.  I would have stayed later but I was a walking zombie. 

Yesterday I had to admit to my boss that I was not where I wanted to be at this point.  Based on my own timeline- I would say I am about two weeks behind.  That was demoralizing.  If I were not getting ready for a training class for my new staff- I would have just put my head down on my desk and let it get to me.  Timing didn't allow that and that's okay.

While I was doing the training my mind was racing as it has been for days and boom, it hit me.  I know how I am going to make a big dent in my backlog today.  I don't want to say how so that I don't jinx myself- but if this works- I might actually be able to take a day off this weekend.  When the idea hit- I smiled from ear to ear and then a sense of peace stole over my body.  I was actually able to fall asleep last night within an hour of laying down- and that is a bit of a miracle. 

Speaking of miracles- one of our dearest friends gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this week.  Unfortunately- he is 40 days early and his lungs are underdeveloped.  We are thankful that other than that he is healthy and know that they already have a plan to move him to Boston Children's if necessary. 

So if you of the praying sort, if you could send up prayers for our new little guy, and a good thoughts that I get caught up and make it through the next few weeks without opening the door to a major flare.  We would really appreciate it. 

Have a great week!

A lovely vacation comes to an end

Well, the three of us had a wonderful week.  None of the places that we went to disappointed.  I love that Louisville is adding Glacier Run to the Zoo.  The seal and sea lion habitat are already up and "swimming" and the polar bear house will be ready in the spring.  Though I really enjoy small zoos- seeing them expand and bring in new animals to care for is the reason that I like to buy my membership card each year.  So many of the zookeepers do such a terrific and hard job.  I don't think they are given the thanks that they deserve.     

The Coca-Cola museum was facinating!  We were blown away at how extensive this private collection is.  It spans over a hundred years.  Best of all, my friend was completely surprised and thrilled.  That made it all the more special. 

  I had to put my friend on her plane back home yesterday.  I was so very sad to see her go.   Here's a "secret".  Though I am pretty outgoing- I am also very reserved when it comes to making friends.  Don't get me wrong- I have a lot of....aquaintances- but true friends, I tend to hold myself back.  That's a leftover from being a military brat.  What that means is that when I DO consider people friends- I tend to hold them most dear.    I am very fortunate that I have the friends in my life that I do.  Some of them I have never even set eyes on outside the computer- but I have known them for years and they are as important to me as the few with whom I have spent many, many hours.  What I love about my true friends is that geography does not make a difference.  We can be apart days, months, even years and when we get together- it's as if no time has passed.  You can't quantify how special that is, and it is something for which eternally grateful.

To deal with the sadness (and so as to not take out my crankiness on my honey) I headed back to work yesterday.  Today I will be spending a lot of hours catching up.  So effectively I am back to the grind.  I am heading into our Fall Rush period and between now and Labor Day I will be working till I drop and going back for more.  The good thing is- already there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  The bad thing is- I need to figure out how to fit my training for the Louisville Arthrtis Walk in there somehow.  At the end- I am giving myself a reward if possible.  If the classes are available, I am joining the Y and going to take their Arthritis Aquatic classes and possibly Yoga as well.  That's the best reward I can think of for making it through this craziness. 

Have a wonderful week!  

Pure Joy

The last few days have been wonderful.  My friend flew in on Saturday and we got her settled in and relaxed with a couple of movies. Sunday we walked a few miles at the zoo and enjoyed the tram at the Mega Cavern before a lovely dinner. Monday was also a relaxing day with nothing exciting going on- I love those days. 

Yesterday we drove to the Coca-Cola Museum in Elizabethtown, KY.  It is the largest privately held collection in the world.  It was facinating.  Last night, we went on a dinner cruise on the Spirit of Jefferson.  You can cruise without the dinner part- but then you are shuttled upstairs and at 100 degrees, we were thankful for having chosen dinner.  The cruise had a DJ and after dinner there was "dancing".  The DJ started with the "dance along" music- The Cotton Eye-d Joe, The Hokey Pokey, the Chicken Dance, the Macarena, the Electric Slide- what I think of as Wedding Songs-lol. 

There was a young man on the cruise who was about 12 years old.  He and his grandparents were traveling from Pennsylvania and decided to take this cruise.  This young man danced every single number.  He was definitely the life of the party.  We really enjoyed watching HIM as much as the rest of the evening.  We went out to watch the river for a while but we were continually drawn back to watch him dance.  Whether he was alone or had others on the floor as well- he was just going at it.  We were not alone- there was a family of 8 at the next table who- when they were not dancing with him- were taking video of him just dancing the night away.  As a group- we cheered him on and just really took joy in HIS joy.  He was most assuredly the star of the show.  At the end of the cruise- there was a "game" based on theme songs from TV shows (I rocked that sadly enough) and the points were too close to call but the family flat out told the DJ that the boy should get a prize.  We hung around to make sure it happened and as he walked out of there and off the boat with his blow up saxaphone- his grin was from ear to ear.  He was "playing" with it as we all walked past him and we all congratulated him on the terrific job he did.  His grandfather was laughing and told us that he was going to be impossible to live with for the rest of their trip.  What his grandfather doesn't realize is- not only will he remember this for the rest of his life, the rest of us will remember him too.  And we will smile every time we think of him. 

So thank you dancing boy.  I hope you have a safe trip back to Pennsylvania.  You touched a whole lot of adult's lives last night.  You reminded us just how much fun it can be a kid.  You also epitomized the saying "Dance like no one is watching"- and that is a great thing. 

Another infusion down and aftereffects

If you are one of us who routinely has to get "stuck" at the doctor's office you know that when you are flaring it becomes a more difficult process.  I am still at the tail end of the flare that began back around the fourth of July.  I have also been working my tail off and between the two I am swollen up enough that I am up a shoe size and my rings will not come off my hands. 

Generally I just go with it because it's such a part of my life that I can make minor changes to accomodate so I didn't even think about it when I went for my infusion yesterday.  I went in and got on the scale (blech) and then settled in to my chair.  Usually I take along magazine articles to read but this time I just wasn't in the mood to read them so I put them off to the side.  I got my "reward" Macchiato (*yay Starbucks) arranged on the little table next to me so I could reach it when it was time and the nurse brought me a water and offered PB crackers.  I love those stupid things but after discussing that they are SIX POINTS for that little package at Weight Watchers this past Wednesday I had stopped and picked up  Snyder's of Hanover Pretzel Sandwiches and even avoided the ever-so-tempting chocolate covered option so that I could join my fellow infusers in "snacktime" without going whole hog and wasting those 6 points. ** On a side note- if you haven't tried these pretzel sandwiches- they are a favorite of mine.  I can't even bring them in the house because I would very easily eat the whole 10oz bag mindlessly. After the visit- I left them in my car so that they are there for the next infusion**  Needless to say they were a treat and for half the points.  While I was at the store, I also picked up cookies for the nursing staff at the infusion center.  They are terrific and really make the visits pleasant.  But I digress.  Once I was all settled in, they came over to take a look at my veins.  I warned them that I was flaring and swollen- which was met with a sympathetic "Oh NO!" and the news that they also had to do labs at this visit.  After checking out my arms out came the heating pads.  I sat for about 15 minutes with the pads on my arms trying to get the veins to show themselves. 

Finally we got the visual of a vein on my right forearm.  The infusion nurse came over and popped in the IV line and got me all taped down and started the saline drip.  She tried to get my labs from the infusion line and it just wasn't happening.  She moved on to the next person and sent back one of the other nurses who was able to get a good stick first time from the left arm.  Since sleep has not been my friend for several weeks now, I was able to doze off during the infusion but when I was awake, I could feel the tingling from my thumb to my bicep as the medicine worked its way into my system.  Two hours later, I was done and they removed all of the apparatus.  Unfortunately- my arm was being uncooperative and didn't want to stop bleeding.  That meant that the nurse had to hold several guaze pads on there fairly firmly to get a clot and I had to be careful with it after so it didn't start back up.  By the time I was done I was fairly worn out so I went home and napped.  Each time I have had the infusion it has made me exhausted on the day of and the two hour nap helped a lot.  Also each time- the next day I have been very sick to my stomach- so this time I popped a fenergren before going to bed last night. 

Fast forward to this morning.  For the first time- I am not feeling sick!  That means the fenergren worked and that is a terrific thing.  I do have the immodium standing by just in case but so far- so good.  I have a fairly large bruise on my forearm and a much smaller one on the spot where they did my labs but neither are horrible.  I do still have tingling from my thumb to my shoulder which feels weird, but again- not horrible.  So far, this is the best "day after" of all the infusions. 

And on that note- I am off to do some last minute sprucing up before I head to the airport to pick up my friend! 

Being a Tourist

Next week my dear friend is flying in for a week and this time both my honey and I are taking vacation to spend with her.  I am thrilled that Jim gets to take some vacation as well because he works a lot of overtime and usually takes his "vacation" one day at a time.  The last time he took off more than one day was when we had to get back to MA for his mom's funeral.  To have him able to take most of the week off with us is a blessing. 

One of the fun things about having friends and family visit is that we get more of an opportunity to be tourists in our own town.  For this visit we have planned a trip to  The Louisville Mega Cavern  and  The Louisville Zoo  on Sunday with dinner at BD's Mongolian Grille for dinner.  Tuesday we are hitting The Coca-Cola Museum because my friend is as crazy about Coke products as my other half is Pepsi and I am coffee.  That evening we are doing a dinner cruise aboard the steamboat Spirit of Jefferson .  Thursday we are seeing the hometown Louisville Bats and Friday we are touring Waverly Hills.  It's a packed week of seeing Louisville. 
  One of Jim's and my favorite things to do is to just get in the car and drive around the city learning more about it.  We like to check out the different neighborhoods and stop at the hole-in-the-wall places that only locals know and discover places new to us.   After three years here- we are still enchanted with the city and all it has to offer so for us to see it through fresh eyes makes it even more special.


Obviously it is a vacation for her as well, so in addition to all of that, we have reserved every other day to relax, recharge and spend time just visiting and lounging by the pool.  On our "down days" I am planning on cooking up a storm so she can enjoy the fresh, homecooked meals that she doesn't often have time for running her store back in MA.  We both need this time as we each gear up for our respective "Rush" seasons.  We will spend time griping about our jobs (she was my boss and mentor), catching up on people that we know,  picking on my poor, outnumbered, husband and just enjoying each other's company.  It is the kind of vacation that I treasure.  No stress, no worries, no big expectations- just good friends and a good time. 

I have one long, long day today, then a meeting tomorrow and I am done with work for a week.  One infusion on Friday and some light housework and I will be done-done-done.  I hope you all have a lovely weekend and upcoming week. 

Getting back in the saddle

"Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other."
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

     Well- it's back to work today.  I am most assuredly antsy.  I have been up since sometime during the 3:00 hour- I stopped looking at the clock around then and tried to go back to sleep but it just didn't happen.  Instead I got up and got *semi-productive*.  I cut three peaches to snack on at work.  I cut a big tomato and cuke for lunch.  I got my meds together.  I have started getting together all the things I need to take to my mom next visit.  I figure if I start putting it in my suitcase NOW- it will be there when I can go again.  I seem to forget something every time.  Unfortunately I can't put my empty flower pots in there-lol.  I think I will leave for work around between 6:30 and 7 so I can get a jumpstart on my email.  I also have a client meeting this week so I need to prep for that and go through everything on my desk before I head out to the floor. 

     I have two things I want to express gratitude for this morning.  First is, as I often give thanks for, my parents.  Though our plans changed significantly and they were unable to have all of their children and grandchildren together, they opened their doors and their arms to me and the pups for the week of my vacation.  For three years now I have spent my Thanksgiving week with them and it has become a tradition but midsummer- this was a first.  As I mentioned yesterday- the dogs really enjoyed themselves and were *for the most part* very well behaved.  Mom and Dad tolerated their "missteps" (Auggie has a bit of a seperation issue and helped himself to several things on bottom shelves while we were gone out one day) with far more grace and humor than I did.  For me, it was like having a toddler misbehave in public.  For them- it was both aggravating and amusing.  Needless to say- my stress level was high about it because I would not want them to dread the puppies coming to visit.  We are still working with Mr. Auggie and they understand that.  I am also grateful that my parents do not feel the need to "entertain" me.  I have another vacation coming very soon where we have packed 4 of the seven days (every other day for the most part) with *stuff* to share with my dear friend so it was very nice to just relax, run errands, visit, and have an unstructured week.  I was able to at the least lay down and rest even if I couldn't nap each day.  That was very needed. 

The second thing I am grateful for is how very well my baby sister is doing post bariatric surgery.  Since the beginning of April when she began this journey she has lost over 65lbs and 10.5 inches.  She could officially shop in my closet if she weren't 6 inches taller than I.  Though I guess she could use my slacks as capris for the summer-lol.  I am so very proud of her.  She is working so hard at this.  She deserves this.  She reached a milestone this week in that she is at her lowest weight since 2005 when she spent a full year getting down while her husband was in Quatar.  She is not just letting the surgery do it's thing- she is out there every day walking and has been going to the Y to use their treadmills when it is miserably hot out.  She is so committed and her hard work is paying off. 

As for me- every day is a bit of a struggle.  I think I need to find it in myself to recommit every single day.  I need to find it in myself to push through the prednisone effects and MOVE.  I need to start taking better care of myself and focus on the positive steps.  I need to set rewards for my non-scale victories and not let the scale be my focus and ruin my outlook. 

That's where I am- getting back on my routine and refocused even despite the sleep issues- re-energized.  Just what one would hope for from a vacation.  That's another thing to be grateful for this morning. 

 

Back from Vacation and Swimming in a Sea of Ben Gay

     This is a double update of sorts.  I had a wonderful vacation with my parents.  Not a whole lot of excitement- which is just what I needed.  We did some errands, we did get some "work" done- but mostly we just spent time together- and that is the most important thing.  The puppies also had a good time.  They LOVE Grandma and Papa's yard and getting to run free and chase the critters.  They were very proud- Harley treed an oppossum and Auggie decimated a Vole.  After that, Auggie just wanted to watch Vole Holes and Harley was able to run without him trailing behind everywhere. 

     I, on the other hand, learned a very serious lesson.  I ran out of my prednisone almost a week before I left.  I went on Sunday to refill it and there were no refills left.  The pharmacy offered to fax over a request for me and contact me.   They called me on Friday morning to tell me it was ready and so I drove into Louisville to pick it up.  I should probably admit that my husband normally drives when we go get my scripts- and that I cannot find my way out of a paper bag without a GPS.  That means that when my GPS failed- I got all turned around- and upset- and then stuck in traffic.  At that point, I called hubby and asked him to pick it up while I was gone and headed west.  Not my best moment on several levels.  First- I got myself worked up in a serious way about the whole thing, and second- having been off the prednisone for 5 days- I was half way to a major flare.  Couple that with driving two hours and I was in rough shape.  Fortunately- after conferring with the parents, I went to CVS and had my script transferred, bought two good braces and a couple of boxes of Thermacare and the flare started to subside within a couple of days. 

    What this tells me is that the Orencia either is not working or has not kicked in yet.  The residual pain in my shoulder, hips and elbow are keeping me up at night.  I am going to have to have a serious discussion with my Rheumy about this.  Over $300 dollars a month for infusions is too much to pay if going off prednisone can set me back so quickly.  The pain makes me cranky and the lack of sleep just adds to it.  When I get cranky- it's just not pretty.  I have another infusion on this coming Friday and then my next appointment with my Rheumy is next month.  Until then, I will keep on keeping on.

      Meanwhile, the puppies settle back into apartment life and I go back to work tomorrow.  I have a semi-short week (four days long hours and then a meeting on Friday) and then it's back to vacation.  I am very much looking forward to my dearest friend coming to visit next Saturday.  She will be here for a week and we will have so much fun.  We are planning all sorts of touristy things and have left plenty of time for just gabbing and enjoying the visit.  It will also give me another week of rest before we head into my Rush at work.  That should be just what I need to get through the next couple of months.   

Huge

ABC Family has a new summer show called HUGE .  This show is set at a weight loss camp for teens and stars Nikki Blonsky (from Hairspray fame) and Hayley Hasselhoff.  When I saw the previews I had some trepidation about how it would be handled but because it is on ABC Family and for the most part they handle difficult topics respectfully- I decided to give it a shot. 

So far, I have been impressed.  I was concerned that they would fall for the easy "fat jokes" for laughs and that the characters would be one dimensional but I was wrong.  Willamena (Blonsky) is funny and rebellious and more than a little angry that her parents sent her to "fat camp".  She is hurting because they do not accept her and is lashing out by refusing to lose any weight.  Amber (Hasselhoff) is a lovely girl who, because she is one of the thinner people at camp and pretty to boot is the center of make attention for the first time in her life.  She is sweet to begin with but the attention is her minefield to cross this summer.  Dr. Rand (played by Gina Torres) is tough on the outside but you can see that she understands from experience what the campers are going through and they have shown that she is not flawless.  Even sibling issues are explored in the characters of Chloe and Alastair.  Though it hasn't been offically stated- when Chloe receives a package from home, she brings Alastair his half- but in the woods far away from anyone.  Rarely does she even speak to Alastair in front of anyone because he is so much larger than she is and has so very many self esteem issues making him one of the "weird" (his own word) kids at the camp. 

The only character I have an issue with so far is Shay (Tia Texada), the camp's fitness coach.  Although not the only person in camp who is in shape (she has an assistant, George, who is the resident hottie and there is also Poppy- the annoyingly perky camp counselor in the girl's cabin) Shay grates on my last nerve.  Think Jillian Michaels in her approach.  Every time she screams at the kids- I just want to punch her in the face.  There is not an ounce of sympathy or empathy in her body.  If I were at that camp- she would be reason enough for me to leave.  If she were not SO grating- she might be a good opposite to Dr. Rand- but unless we find out that Shay was overweight at some point and there is a reason for her seeming loathing of the kids- she will continue to be a stereotype. 

Three episodes in, I am impressed enough that I am looking forward to the each episode.  Rather than focusing soley on weight; we have seen the real issues that overweight teens face.  These include self esteem issues, bullying (from the tennis camp nearby), lack of acceptance and health issues.  As one camper said "It's not so bad being here, it's the only place I have ever felt like not only is the playing field even but we're even on it". 

I also have to give points to ABC Family for their "Live Huge" campaign.  On the site for the show they have put together a panel of experts to interact with fans to help them with the problems that they face.    According to the site: 

At ABC Family, we believe that healthy living means living life to the fullest. In order to live your best life, it’s important to take care of yourself -- physically, mentally and emotionally. Here you’ll be given tips on how to eat nutritious snacks and meals, add exercise into your busy life, and build a stronger, more positive sense of self -- because living a healthy life means having healthy self-esteem too!

Kudos to them for tackling this subject.  More kudos for handling it in the way they have thus far.  I only hope that the rest of the season is as positive as it began. 

How to Unhook Yourself from Negativity

This article landed in my inbox this morning courtesy of my daily email from Oprah.com When you are on a journey toward a positive life, that site is a great resource. I am copying the article in total and will link you at the bottom if you want to explore more

How to Unhook Yourself from Negativity
Oprah.com Sometimes there are people in life with whom you just don't see eye-to-eye. Maybe they rub you the wrong way or, even worse, just don't seem to like you and you can't figure out why. Ed and Deb Shapiro explain why another person's negativity may have nothing to do with you and what you can do to improve the relationship.
No one likes to be in a negative situation, but you don't always get along with everyone all the time. Once, when we were with the Dalai Lama, he said to us, "If we were together all the time, then we would quarrel!"

However, if someone is being dismissive, fault-finding or disapproving and this is making you feel unworthy, insecure or lacking in self-esteem, then it may be because there's a hook somewhere in you for that negativity to latch on too, a place where it can land that triggers all these hidden self-doubts.

For instance, imagine your mind is like a beautiful garden. If you let a pig in your garden, you will have a hard time getting it out, as pigs really like tasty gardens! In the same way, negativity is like a pig that gets in your garden and causes havoc.

How can you get unhooked? Rather than adding fire to fire by being equally as negative, there is another way. In our article "Turn Your Workplace into a Caring Place," we shared the story of how Helen, who had a critical and negative boss, was able to turn the situation around by focusing on kind and caring thoughts toward both herself and her superior.

When you extend kindness toward yourself as well as toward the person you are having a challenging time with, then an extraordinary thing begins to happen: The hook within you begins to dissolve. This means there is nowhere for the negativity to take hold or to land. By embracing yourself with kindness, you are strengthening and reinforcing feelings of self-empowerment, worthiness and personal value. Sending kindness to your adversary transforms her so she's able to release the conflict. It also acts like a shield so any remaining negativity does not penetrate; it cannot land. You can learn how to do this with the loving kindness meditation.

Deb shares a personal story of how she unhooked negativity in her co-worker


Showing yourself and others kindness is like turning compost into roses. Deb experienced this in a very personal way: "Many years ago, I was the administrator for an educational institute in Hawaii, and for some reason one of the teachers really had it in for me. No matter what I did, she disagreed and made me wrong. For administrative purposes, I had to be present at her classes, and, quite subtly, she soon turned all the participants against me. I realized she was triggering childhood memories of being ignored or disregarded, as I would shrink into a small, ineffective place when I was around her. It then emerged that I was going to have to go with her and the class to a remote cabin on another island for a one-week wilderness program. Not my idea of fun! The only option I had was to focus on her during my kindness meditation practice, which I did by holding her in a loving place within me every day for the few weeks before we left.

"By the time we got to the cabin, her attitude had begun to subtly change and she was no longer making me the cause of everything that went wrong. Over the first few days, she changed even more, every so often acknowledging me, but by the end of the week, she was actually including me along with everyone else, once even asking me for my opinion. The interesting thing was that she didn't seem to notice that anything was different. The whole of the class changed with her. I was astonished to watch it happen. The only thing I had done differently was kindness meditation, through which the hook inside me that she had been hanging all her judgment on had dissolved. She had nowhere to put her negativity; instead, it sort of fell on the floor between us. Eventually, it just slunk away, unable to find a home."

All the negative reactions that arise during moments of discord or disagreement can cause great suffering and anguish, but your own anger can do us even more emotional harm than someone else's words or actions. Extending kindness to others is, therefore, really extending it toward yourself as it leaves you in a gentler, more joyful place.

Try Ed and Deb's 3-step loving kindness meditation

It also helps to remember that if someone is hurting you, it's usually because she's in pain. Ever noticed how, when you are in a good mood, it is hard for you to harm or hurt anything? You even take the time to get a spider out of the bathtub. But if you are in a bad mood or are feeling very stressed, then it's easy to wash the spider down the drain. Your own pain spills over and harms anyone or anything in its way. For that reason, someone who incites feelings of discord or enmity actually needs to be loved even more because their pain will be far greater than the pain they are causing. When you become aware of this, you can wish all people to be happy and free from suffering. A truly compassionate and humane act!

Loving Kindness Meditation for Times of Difficulty

    Spend a few minutes on each stage of this practice. Settle your body in an upright and seated posture. Take a few minutes to focus on the natural flow of your breath, while bringing your attention to the heart space in the center of your chest.


     Now, either repeat your name or visualize yourself in your heart so you can feel your presence. Hold yourself there, gently and tenderly. Release any tension on the out-breath and breathe in softness and openness with the in-breath. Silently repeat: "May I be well, may I be happy, may I be filled with loving kindness." Feel a growing sense of loving kindness and compassion for yourself.


     Now direct your loving kindness toward the person you are having a hard time with, whoever it may be. Keep breathing out any resistance and breathing in openness, as you hold this person in your heart and repeat: "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be filled with loving kindness." No need to get caught up in recalling the details of the story. Hold her gently and tenderly, wishing her wellness and happiness.


     Now expand your loving kindness outward toward all people, in all directions, whoever they may be, silently repeating: "May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, may all beings be filled with loving kindness." Feel loving kindness radiating out from you in all directions. Breathe in kindness, breathe out kindness.

     When you are ready, take a deep breath and gently open your eyes, letting the kindness in your heart put a smile on your lips.

Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of Be The Change, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World. They are featured weekly contributors to Oprah.com, HuffingtonPost.com and Care2.com. Ed and Deb write Sprint's The Daily CHILLOUT inspirational text messages. They have three meditation CDs: Metta: Loving Kindness and Forgiveness, Samadhi: Breath Awareness and Insight and Yoga Nidra: Inner Conscious Relaxation. Deb is also the author of the best-selling book Your Body Speaks Your Mind, winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Unhook-Yourself-from-Negativity

Sunday Quotes

If you are also one of my "Facebook Friends", you know that I try to start each Monday through Friday morning with a quote. It may sound like a silly thing, but searching for and posting a quote each day puts me in a good frame of mind. My method is to put whatever is on my mind into google and find a quote that reflects what I am thinking so that I can get positive before I leave for work. I also reflect back on that quote through out the day.

While I am searching for just the right one to start my day- I find so many great quotes from so many sources that I really like but are just not "right" for that day. I thought that this morning, I might put a few of them here to share with you.


"When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it." Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone. ~Author Unknown~


“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.” — G. K. Chesterton


“Real life isn’t always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally “count our blessings,” give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.” — Shakti Gawain

“What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it-would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.” — Ralph Marston

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”- Unknown

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you. -Charlie Brown to Snoopy”

“A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart.”

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck

"Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end." ---Unknown


“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people - your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.”--Barbara Bush

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.” --Benjamin Franklin

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”--Ashley Smith

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”
― Lee Iacocca

“Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity.”
― Lindley Karstens




I hope you all have a wonderful and productive and pain free week.

Brick Walls

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people"
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

Each year on or around my birthday, I like to spend some time looking back at the year that just passed and really thinking hard about what I have achieved and what I did not achieve for the year. This introspection is usually marked by resolutions, if you will, for what I want from the next year of my life. I have not completed this task yet for this year but I did manage to get a small start on it. Rather than doing the ritual "contemplating of my navel"- I spent the weekend with my husband, my parents, my sister and her family which left very little time to look inward until bed time each night.

One thing I did realize is that when it comes to the brick walls that Randy Pausch describes above- I think that I am the one who builds mine. I don't just run into a brick wall standing in the middle of my road, I build it- brick by brick. I am not saying that I am a pessimist or that I don't want changes badly enough to climb over those walls- just that I am the one who stops myself from doing the things that I want to do.

I think maybe I tend to overanalyze things and look for the solutions to problems before they exist rather than searching for the opportunities. That is a mindset switch that I need to make. If I can find a way to break out of that cycle, not only will I get over those walls but they will come tumbling down in the process. The question is- how to do that. That will give me another layer to consider as I decide how to shape the next year of my life.

If you have not seen Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" I urge you to go to Carnegie Mellon's website and watch the entire lecture. If you let it, it will change you. I am going to watch the whole thing tonight before I start back working through this process.

My best emotional therapy.

While laughter may be the best medicine for what ails you, pets are most assuredly the best therapy. 

This is Harley.  Harley is a 7year old-ish yorkie/schnauzer mix that we adopted over two years ago.  Unlike many yorkies- Miss Dog is most decidedly NOT a lap dog.  She is perfectly content to bring me a toy when I get home, get some love and then go back about her business.  Super sweet and mellow; Harley thinks that every dog and person is supposed to be her friend whether they know it or not.  She has taken on the role of indulgent older sister with our latest family member.  She will tolerate him until she gets tired of him, then she will just wallop him.  She also "fusses" at him if he gets too excited or if he is getting in trouble. 

This is Auggie.  Auggie is about 18 months old and is a cocker spaniel/pekingese mix that we adopted 6 months ago.  He is ALL BOY.  He is rough and tumble and will play with you until you drop from exhaustion.  Unlike Harley- he likes nothing more than being in your lap as long as you have a hand on him.  Also unlike my gentle soul little girl, Auggie has some bad habits (jumping up on you, chewing and he just discovered digging-sigh) and is quickly getting used to hearing the word NO.  What we have to work on is that No means stop completely- not just when Mom or Dad is watching-lol. 

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Yesterday I unloaded the pieces to put together two new fixtures in my store.  It was early in the morning and I wanted to get it done so I did a lot of in myself.  Not the smartest move I have ever made.  Between the lifting and moving and the "window" of the cab falling on me- I managed to hurt myself.  I had finished and was in my office typing when my back seized up.  I seriously felt like I had been hit with a baseball bat and it hurt to so much as breathe.  I haven't felt that sharp of pain in a long time.  Unfortunately, I couldn't leave as I was supposed to be meeting with my client at 4pm.  Fortunately- I always carry spare tramadol and flexeril and was able to take them to slightly dull the pain until I could get home. 

When I did finally get home, I was in a foul mood.  So foul that when I spoke to my husband before leaving work- I jumped right down his throat.  I was in a lot of pain, I was exhausted and I had stayed all day at work for a meeting that had ended up having to be rescheduled about 2 hours before it was to happen.  It doesn't excuse how I handled my mood but it's a contributing factor.  When I got home, I spent a few minutes with the dogs but not as is my usual routine.  The thing about having a pet is that no matter how crappy your mood, no matter what has happened, when you get home at the end of the day- they are just so happy to see you.  Their little tails wag like they will fall off, they come running to see you- they are just happy you are there.  Just seeing them softened my mood enough that when Jim got home I immediately apologized.  My honey forgave me, hooked me up to my TENS machine and sent me up to lay down.  I turned on my heating pad and gingerly lay down to let the heat do its work.  As I laid there, flipping through the channels and wallowing in self pity, I heard a little "boof" from my right side.  Miss Harley was next to the bed and wanted up with me.  I got back up and put her on the bed and before I could get comfortable again, Auggie was right there next to me.  While I had gotten Harley up- he had circled around to the other side of the bed and jumped up to join us.  Though it was what is usually their play time- both dogs had come up to join me on the bed.  They obviously knew something was wrong because they both snuggled up next to me and just laid there quietly beside me for the next hour.  Harley stretched along my leg and Auggie curled up in a ball at my rib cage and nuzzled under my hand so that my fingers were entwined in his silky fur.  Laying there with those two little creatures looking up at me with their big eyes full of love- I couldn't continue feeling sorry for myself.  I closed my eyes and gave thanks for these two beautiful dogs who were there comforting me when I was in so much pain.  That led to thoughts of how blessed I am that we found *these two* particular dogs when we did and that we were able to adopt them when we did and that I have such an understanding husband and how lucky I am  in the rest of my life too.  And before I knew it- the dark clouds over my head were gone.   In less than an hour, they managed to completely heal my soul and bring me back to a place of gratitude.  It didn't chase the pain away- but it did make it easier to deal with and put me back in the right frame of mind.  How could I not be thankful for that?   

  

Challenges

There's a big part of me that thrives on challenges.  Which is fortunate because I have quite a few in my life right now. 

Professionally as I mentioned we are in a transition phase.  My biggest challenge is to bring my staff up to speed and guide them through yet another set of big changes.  In the last three years- they have been through a lot of them and at during each one, there has been some balking.  The problem is that now it's time to really evaluate where everyone is and then take a hard look at where we need to be.  Fortunately, I have the support of my regional, my client and my assistant.

Personally- well, let's just say that some of my challenges have not changed- I just have not risen to them.  I really have to get serious about the weight thing.  It is beyond time.  I need to set a date and a loss as a focal point and really keep my eyes on the prize.  Now- I could do one of the quick fixes- but really- in the long run- it just won't help so I have to remember that it didn't go on overnight- it won't come off overnight and not get discouraged along the way.  In this journey, I have the support of my family and some really great friends.

The next challenge is my RA treatment.  I am currently on prednisone, tramadol and flexeril on a daily basis and have completed my loading doses of Orencia.  Now I am up to a monthly dose of the infusion.  Though I am fully aware that it could take many months to see the effects but at this point- I am not seeing it.  I am tired, achy and my joints are making themselves known. The topper is that wheneever I have the infusion- I lose a whole day to being sick as a dog.  I am feeling like since I stopped the MTX we have taken a HUGE step backward.  My challenge is to stay positive for at least three more months before we have to decide if I will stay on this treatment or switch yet again.  I have been through most of hte DMARDS- I don't know how much is left to even try.  Had my stupid liver not reacted- I would very happily still been on my MTX and doing just fine.  I am a little bitter about this- that too is a challenge.  For the treatment portion- I know that I can talk to many of my "RA Friends" that I have connected with and they will understand.  The bitterness; well- I don't want to be that way- so I need to find it within me to find a positive here.  I don't want to be that person that you see on the various chronic pain message boards who is so consumed by their illness that they never talk about anything else.  I need to find a way to put the pain in the compartment in which it belongs and the medication issues in their own compartment and give myself a break over the fact that my body decided to rebel. 

So those are just a few of my challenges.  Putting them on paper helps to focus my mind.  Hopefully from here I can create a game plan and start working toward a solution on all fronts. 

It's time to catch up

I had a wonderful meeting last week- but that wonderful meeting was focused on big changes coming down the pike.  Our VP addressed management and leadership styles and the biggest message that I got from her was "If you are resistant to change- you will struggle" plain and simple.  Big changes are definitely coming down the pike in the world of college bookstores, I am only thankful that my company gives us the tools that we need to prepare for those changes.

The bad part about leaving for days is that we get behind.  I walked in to 6 pallets of books in my back room- and a short staff on Friday.  That meant that though they weren't expecting me to be there because we do long hours at the meetings and driving over 5 hours home just plain hurts- I had to stay for four hours and then I went back on Saturday for four hours as well.  It's going to be a long couple of weeks and if I don't catch up by the 16th- I will be cancelling my vacation so we can be ready for Fall.  Here's the hard part- one of our charges was to find more "white space" in our calendars.  Looking at that back room- it's going to be tough for the next few weeks and if MY back room looks like that- I cannot imagine what my fellow managers from smaller stores came home to.

It's time to put my nose to the grindstone- and if that means that I work longer hours to get it done, so be it.  The shining light at the end of my tunnel is that I get to spend this weekend with my baby sister- and that is something to keep gratitude in my heart during the hardest of times this week. 

Goodbye Weekend, Hello busy week..

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them. ~John Shirley

    Well that weekend just flew by!  We didn't do anything spectacular but it seemed to go so quickly.  Friday, my poor hubby got home and took a shower and didn't last long after that.  Friday was our 13th day in a row of 90+ degree weather with huge humidity.  That means that the weather has felt like it was over 105 every day.  He works in a mold and tool company- the warehouses average 130 degrees and it just plain wears him out.  So he fell asleep in the recliner and I took the pups for their walk.  He had to work again Saturday (he does more often than not) so I dealt with the mountain of laundry that needed to be folded.  After napping when he got home- we went out grocery shopping at several different stores in Louisville.  Saturday night we had banana splits that we made at home with Edy's Double Churn low fat ice cream and fresh bananas and strawberries for dinner and enjoyed Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for our movie.  Sunday was Father's Day.  I celebrated with my Dad last weekend because of his schedule this weekend so Jim and I just kind of fiddled around.  We went shopping looking for a portable A/C and were unsuccessful in that endeavor so we got a tower fan instead.  I took him out for teppenyaki for father's day and then we came home and just relaxed.  For dinner I made Brats on wonderful fresh rolls that we picked up at Fresh Market on Saturday accompanied by roasted potatoes and green bean casserole.  The next thing we knew- it was time to take the pups for their evening walk and get ready to go to bed. 

 It's Monday again and the beginning of a weird week for me.  I have a half day of work today and then my third infusion at 1.  We don't know what the infusion is doing for me yet (we are still in the loading phase) but I have found that it does a real number on my stomach for about 24 hours (starting about 4 hours after the infusion) so tomorrow will be recovery day.  Wednesday I head to Dayton, OH first thing in them morning for a two day meeting.  Instead of coming home after the meeting on Thursday I have to head to Ball State to pick up some of their fixtures to add some B&N touches to my store.  Thankfully- my darling father loaned me his truck to do this so I don't have to try and fit them in my new vehicle.    I think they *might* fit- but we just don't know and I don't want to scuff the interior or damage it trying to force cherry fixtures into the back of it.  Once we load the fixtures into the truck I can head back but that will mean that my 3 hour drive becomes a 5 hour drive when I leave Dayton.  Driving is not my strong suit these days.  This will most assuredly mean that on Friday I will be hurting big time in the hips and back.  Friday I will drop off the fixtures and - if I am feeling up to it- help put them together- but then it will be back home to let my joints and muscles recover.  I am incredibly grateful that I have the weekend to heal as much as I can.  The following Monday is the first week of our second Summer session classes so I may go in on Saturday to catch up on anything that I need to do before we get busy again. 

I begin my week this week grateful for my father who is so kind and generous.  I am grateful for my husband who not only supports me in my work and my illness but also is a good "daddy" to our two puppies and will take the majority of their care this week.  Having one is a big responsibility- two can get just plain hectic.  I am grateful for a job that keeps me challenged and that I really enjoy and for a boss who *though I wouldn't wish it on anyone* also lives with RA and understands the ramifications of the illness.  I am grateful for the opportunity to go and meet with my fellow store managers and share ideas and strategies.  We have a terrific region and they are fun people who are good at their jobs.  I learn something new every single time we get together.  I am also grateful that at the end of my crazy next two weeks I get to see my baby sister.  It has been a while since we have been able to be together and she is a big source of support in my life. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week.  I fully intend to!

A winning hand

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson

How perfect is that for those of us living with a chronic illness who also want to live a positive life? We certainly don't choose to live with constant pain, with the fatigue, with enough medications to rival a small family, with frequent visits to the doctor's office, with medical bills that could fund a terrific vacation. They are just a part of the hand that we have been dealt. It's how we handle that hand that determines whether or not we "win". If you have ever watched the World Series of Poker; it is not necessarily the best cards that win the hand; it's the player that does the most with the cards he or she has been dealt. It's all in the approach that you take.

In keeping with the poker game analogy- if you have ever watched or played a game you know that you can plop ten people down at the same table and you will have ten entirely different "games" being played. People watching is one of my favorite things to do and watching a live poker game can be a lot of fun. From the quiet and serious player who never shows a hint of what is going on in their hand, to the loud and brash player who uses distraction to get inside the heads of the other players, to the person who is just having a good time and enjoying the company and the game no matter what and the guy who is so competitive that he gets visually aggravated and even angry when things don't go their way; personalities are all over the map. I feel like I have met all of these people (and more) while navigating the world of chronic illness.

Many of the people that I admire the most in this part of my life (Yes- YOU Miss Dazey, Wren, Riotkat ) are the ones who take the hand they are dealt and don't just throw down their cards and give up. They take a pretty crappy situation and they not only live with it- they make the best of it as well. Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia are not who they are, it does not consume their life, it is just one facet of a very full life. If you read their writings they live lives filled with love and joy, wonder and peace. You can find Miss Dazey here, Wren is here and you can follow @riotkat on Twitter. These ladies will inspire you- they inspire me on a regular basis. They take the hand that has been dealt them and no matter what the cards; they play to win. I learn so much from them and from the way they approach their lives. I hope you can too.



***The above quote came to me yesterday from Real Simple Magazine. I get a "Daily Thought" from them in my email around 8:30 each morning. As an aside- if I could only read one magazine for the rest of my life- that one would be it. Most magazines I bring home and then literally rip out all of the articles that I want to read, put them in a folder and take them with me to any place that I will have to wait around. With Real Simple- I not only keep the magazine intact- I keep the magazine period because the articles and tips are so good. If you like positive quotes- go to their website and sign up for the Daily Thought newsletter- it gives me a lift each morning. ***

Make your choice

“Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend… when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present — love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure — the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.” –Sarah Ban Breathnach

This quote is very important to my life. There are days when it should probably be tattooed on my forehead. The important thing for me is that second sentence- "it is our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend..." Everyone has those days; when you are tired, when you are sore, when you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I am by no means an exception. When I am feeling cranky it is very hard for me to bring myself around to that gratitude place. It is only when I stop and make the decision to find something-anything- to give thanks for that I can flip that switch and change my attitude. The nice thing is that you can do it at any time. You can even, if you have to (and I have), do it many times in a day. There are times when it takes me finding a lot of little things to be thankful for in order to stay in that place all day. It's not easy but it is possible.

This is a lesson that was hard learned for me and I still don't have it completely under my belt. It is very easy to take something small that doesn't go the way you wanted and let it just decimate your day. If you think about it-it's a snowball effect. You get out of bed and stub your toe and that puts you in a mood. Then you can't find the clothes you want to wear. This makes you later leaving than you should be- which puts you in traffic and makes you late for work. You get the point- and that's just the first couple of hours! So why can't we take that SAME snowball and turn it into an avalanche of blessings? The answer is that we can. At first you really may have to work at it but as you make it a regular thing it becomes easier.

I don't know about you but for me when I am having a bad day it seems that the "bad" keeps piling up automatically. If we recondition our thinking; we can make the switch so that our blessings do the same. So which choice will you make today? Will you make it a good day or will you let what happens, happen?

“Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” — Marelisa Fábrega

The best medicine-for whatever ails you

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
― Woody Allen

My darling son is, at the moment, suffering from a broken heart. He and his girlfriend of 5 years broke up the other night. They have broken up before- several times- but this time it is particularly ugly. That does not preclude them getting back together- only geography could do that- but for the moment it is not looking that way. As a Mom (with a capital M), there is nothing I can do except be here and listen. Advice would fall on mostly deaf ears.

We talked quite a bit yesterday. We talk almost daily but yesterday was several times. I think what helped most was when I was inadvertently funny. Now- I didn't try to tell him jokes. I didn't say "cheer up". I didn't even necessarily *try* to cheer him up, but those moments when I said something that he found ironic or amusing and he laughed; it most assuredly lightened his heart if just for a brief second. I am thankful for that.

Last Friday I went for my second Orencia infusion. There were 5 women and one man in the infusion room. We were on different medications, we had not met one another before, our only commonality was that we were all sitting in chairs with an IV in our arms and had wonderful nurses and assistants with us. The first time, there was a somewhat difficult patient- a screamer if you will. Older than I and apparently an old hat at this (so often that they have suggested a port), this gentleman evidently screams so loudly that it scares the "regular" patients. The mood was more tense in the room as a whole- and I was more nervous to boot. This time everyone was talking and laughing and the time seemed to go much more quickly. It was not an unpleasant experience the first time; the second time however was much more relaxed and jovial.

It has been said time and again that laughter is the best medicine and I am here to tell you that it is true. Through trauma, pain, grief, a broken heart or a broken body; laughter heals beginning with the soul. Have you had a good laugh lately?

On Perspective

I started my morning as I always do.  After checking my email, I popped over to facebook where I saw a good part of my "recent news" littered by those I like to think of as "The Usual Suspects".    These are the people in my life who CONSTANTLY complain, for whom the sky is always falling, who-always, always, always expect the worst.  I never realized, until I was away from them geographically how really negative they really are.  It makes me wonder if when I was with them- I fell into the same trap. 

I suspect that I did- which makes me even more grateful that I do not live that life (anymore?).  One example is my day tomorrow.  It's going to be chock full of medical appointments.  At 9:30, they are redoing the left side of my mammogram and then also doing an ultrasound.  From there I go straight to PT.  After that I have about a half hour break and then head straight to my infusion for several hours.  Once that is all over I will be able to go home and nap for a bit and then head to see the Pawtucket Red Sox play the Louisville Bats.  It's going to be a long day, yes but the way I see it I am spending most of the day taking care of my health and then capping it with seeing the SOX!  YAY!  While I am not looking forward to most of it- I am not stressing it either. 

Now- if this were one of the people I refer to- there would be post after post about how they probably have breast cancer (the mammogram), the PT is going to hurt, and then hours of sitting there with an IV- oh my goodness!  And that infusion wears me out- oh man it's going to just suck sitting at a ball field all night.  Doesn't it make you tired just reading all of that negativity? 

If you are on my facebook, you know that most every morning I post a quote.  Something to get me in the right mindset for the day.  Today I posted this: 

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” Unknown

I fully believe that.  I believe that we need to count our blessings and be thankful for the good things in our lives.  When we concentrate on the bad things- we get more bad things and it just magnifies.  When we look at the great things in our lives- not only do we get more good things- but the bad things seem not so all consuming. 

When I was looking for a quote this morning, I happened across this blog: Perspective is Everything .  Though I don't have a nice way to share it with the Usual Suspects in a public way- I am considering sharing it with them one on one.  Maybe they should read about this man who is living from a posititive place while battling MS.  Maybe they should read one of the list of blogs from my friend with RA, Fibro and Lupus.  Most of the folks on my blog roll are also living their best life while fighting their own battles.  Maybe, just maybe if they did spend some time in "our world" they might gain a little perspective on the constant drama that they portray.