Quick UPDATE on my craziness.

I want to thank all of you who have been sending thoughts and prayers for my family.  I just wanted to update you on how Dad is doing. 

After a long hospital stay, he was released- but - he was not able to go home because though there are only 3 steps at each entrance- he was still wheelchair-bound and even with his walker or scooter couldn't get up them because they are steep.  So he and my mom have been camped out at our Aunt Karen's  (mom's sister) house for almost 2 weeks.  We all appreciate her letting them stay with her and Dad's enjoying the gorgeous view of the Ohio River and watching the barges go up and down all day. 

On Friday Dad went in to have the Achilles surgery and will be in a splint until the stitches come out and then a cast for 6-8 weeks.  That part of him is on the road to recovery and for that, we are so grateful. 

He's also gone back to the neuro-that news wasn't as good.  It seems the vertebrae is fractured worse than originally thought even with the brace.  When he goes back they will decide if they will do Vertebroplasty (injection of bone cement into the vertebrae without fusion) which would bring almost immediate relief or if they want to keep him in the brace for the duration.  I am 100% sure he is voting for the cement.  I just want him to have whatever will not cause more problems down the road. 

As for my sleep- Jim has put it best- he says that I no longer sleep, I just take multiple naps.  He's right, the question is how to fix it.  It started when I was having such severe acid reflux at night and now it's taken hold.  Now that the ulcer is subsiding and I am having significantly less acid reflux I guess I need to re-teach myself to sleep a full night.  It won't be easy but I am taking Spring Break off so it will be a good time to do it.  I am sure the flares are linked so it's a task that must be done. 

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers.  They are helping keep our spirits up! 

School Is Back In Session!

     Today is the first day of the Spring term.  I am having a bit of "What in the world did I get into?" this morning that actually started last night when I opened my Geography textbook.  In reading the opening, I am interested in the Human Geography portion but that is the minor part of this course- this is essentially Earth Science- which I haven't even thought about since I took the class in high school in 1982.    The only part that piqued my interest is climate change.  I am woefully ignorant about the science behind it so that will be interesting.  The hard part- it's all online and not a....motivating subject for this non-sciency (yes, I made that up!) girl.  

On the bright side- I am very much looking forward to my Communications Law and Public Relations Writing courses this term, both of which start today.  One is my lunch, the other starts at 6pm.  In Comm Law we have a major term project that will require us to do a Freedom Of Information Act request.  It's a group project (ugh) and so we will have to agree on a subject but that should be interesting.  In PR Writing, our term will center on all aspects of PR writing for a single company/organization of our choice pending approval.  One would think the layup would be doing it for work but the fly in that ointment is- I don't want to be treated any differently than any other transfer student by my professors or fellow students so I don't mention my job in class unless directly asked or recognized. 

Healthwise, I am worn smooth out because of the current schedule but more- my body goes back and forth with swelling and pain due to the lack of anti-inflammatories.  I told someone the other day that it would take less time to say what DOESN'T hurt than outline what does.  I am also struggling with eating for my ulcer.  I really, really miss tomatoes and second thing I miss is chocolate.  Friday night was Jim's birthday and it took me almost 2 hours to find a restaurant that he would eat at and that I could eat.  It's not as restrictive as some- and I shouldn't complain at all compared to what my dearest friend just went through ( totally restricted elimination diet)- but as someone who cooks a lot with tomatoes, vinegars, cruciferous veggies and whole milk- it kind of stinks. 

My List for this week is what I am most happy about right now.  I will work on that after homework tonight. SO-  Count your blessings today and think about what makes you happy.  It's time so it's AWAY WE GO!  

50 for my 50th.

Today is my 50th birthday.  Today I am reflecting on my life, my goals, my bucket-list.  As part of my reflection, I have made 5 lists of 10 things that are on my mind.

Ten things I am grateful for in the big picture:

1-  I am grateful that I have a wonderful, loving family.  Parents, sisters, husband, my loving child, nieces, nephews and friends.  Family of my blood and heart- all of whom are terrific people.

2-  I am grateful that I have a good job that affords me health insurance and a decent living, good benefits and that, for the most part, I enjoy.

3-  I am grateful that I have two sweet, smart pups who love me unconditionally as much as I love them.  They are truly emotional support.

4-  I am grateful that I have a home to live in, with heat, air conditioning, clean water, a good bed, and  comfortable furniture that I can afford to pay for and that is safe and sound.

5-  I am grateful that my health has held out longer than initially expected.  The first Rheumatologist that I saw was sure that if we were not very aggressive in my treatment I would be in a wheelchair by 45.  Despite failing all of my treatments so far- I am still holding out and holding on.

6-  I am grateful that I have a love of books.  Books can not only educate you but take you to new worlds, open you up to new interests and shift your world view.

7-  I am grateful that I can afford food.  Not just to nourish my body but also to indulge my joy of cooking.  Experimenting in the kitchen, finding new flavor combinations or ways to manipulate those flavors into something that is delicious is incredibly satisfying.  Especially when someone you love enjoys what you produce.

8-  I am grateful that I have my quiet mornings.  While I could not get up and immediately get ready to go to work like a normal person, it's lead to my quiet mornings.  As part of my "new normal" I get up, have some coffee, see the sun come up, watch the news or something on the DVR and ease into the day.  Even on vacation I was normally the first up and managed a cup of coffee or two either alone or with my sister before things got hectic.  It just helps me start my day in a good head-space.

9-  I am grateful that I began this journey.  Even when I fall off for a while, I can go back and read what I have written and be right back on the road to living from gratitude.

10- I am grateful that we made the move to the mid-south 10 years ago.  I cannot imagine my life had we stayed in New England.  It would be so very different.

Ten things I know for sure:

1-  I know that living with chronic illness may not be something I would choose but not suffering from it IS my choice.

2-  I know that the idea of forgiveness is much easier than actually letting go of hurts.

3-  I know that taking weight of is exponentially harder than putting it on.

4-  I know that finding something that you love to do, no matter what it is and how many people roll their eyes at you about doing it, can bring you vast amounts of joy.

5-  I know that Random Acts of Kindness not only make you and the recipient feel good in the moment, but can also make you want to do more and more. They can be a love drug if you let them.

6-  I know that there are people who, no matter how much you do for them, always expect you to give and give without so much as a sincere thanks- and that's not your fault.

8-  I know that it's not only okay but healthy for your overall well-being to remove those toxic people from your life.

9-  I know that we can learn about love and compassion from our animals.

10- I know that we need to take care of ourselves mentally and emotionally if we wish to live happy lives.  

Ten things I just don't understand:

1-  I don't understand "isms"- Racism, Ageism, Sexism, Classism,  Lookism, Sizeism, Ableism, Nativism.  It makes no sense to me to judge people just by how they look or where they are from.

2-  I don't understand labeling.  I am a Gen X'er.  I am a Mom. I am Straight.  I am a Wife. I am Caucasian.  I am Female.  I am a Moderate Independent.  I am somewhat Disabled.  I am so many different labels- yet not one of them defines me.  I am more than each and every one of these labels and an amalgamation of them all.  Aren't you more than each of your many labels?

3-  I don't understand how people can harm those who are defenseless- children, animals, the infirm.  What has to be going on in their heads?

4-  I don't understand being hateful to perfect strangers online.  If you wouldn't say it face to face, how is it okay to say it online?

5-  I don't understand dividing our wonderful country by party lines.  Democrat and Republican are not epithets.  Neither are Liberal or Conservative.  Why are we not working for the good of ALL of the country- not just the party that we identify with?  What is best for our country is a sound economy, safe infrastructure, ecologically sound utilities, equal access to quality healthcare for all, and leading the world in research and technology.  It is to follow our founders when they said " We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"  The rest of the stuff- who you worship, your race, your sexuality, your gender, your family makeup- not the business of the country.  

6-  I don't understand people who believe that rules and policies don't apply to them and will throw a fit if they don't get their way.

7-  I don't understand people who think that it's okay to make a "career" of stealing from others rather than working for what they want. Do they not get that the person they are stealing from did just that?

8-  I don't understand how an argument, a territory dispute, road rage can be worth taking a life.  Every day the news is filled with murder, shootings, stabbings and more.  Life is worth so much more- when did we become disposable?

9-  I don't understand higher Math and the Sciences.  STEM is not the way my brain works-and when it comes down to it, it makes me kind of dumb in those areas.   I am more creative but that being said- smarter minds thank mine are tasked with math and science, and I trust them in their fields.

10- I don't understand a lack of work ethic.  If someone is paying me to do a job- be it sweeping a floor, cleaning a toilet or running a multinational company, I am going to do my best.  I am going to take pride in the job I am doing and be the best floor sweeper/toilet cleaner/CEO that I can be.  I don't understand how people can take a paycheck and just show up.

Ten things I still want to do in my next decade:

1-  I will complete my education.  I am starting back with my first class next week.

2-  I will shed the weight that I need to lose.  It's a work in progress.

3-  I will still fight my body against my disabilities.  Even if it means just a walk around the block, as long as I am able to move, my illnesses don't win.

4-  I will write for publication.  Fiction, non, magazine articles, news- nothing can stop me from writing.

5-  I will journal to leave a legacy for my child and grandchildren.

6-  I will expand my horizons.  I will continue to try new hobbies and test my interests to see what sticks.

7-  I will go horseback riding when I am NOT on vacation.

8-  I will create multiple new haunt characters.

9-  I will continue to be an advocate and ally for those who need my voice.

10- I will learn to say no when I need to take time to be good to myself.

Ten things on my Bucket List:  

1-  I dream of spending 4-6 weeks in Europe

2-  I dream of chartering a yacht in the Mediterranean for a week or so.

3-  I dream of seeing the rest of the US.

4-  I dream of Winters where it's warm, Summers where it's less warm.

5-  I dream of writing a book that touches someone the way so many books that I love have touched me.

6-  I dream of walking another marathon.

7-  I dream of contributing to animal rescue in a significant way.

8-  I dream of  going on a photographic safari.

9-  I dream of swimming with dolphins.

10- I dream of contributing to my world in a way that will be remembered.  Not me- but the contribution.


Today, though just another day for most, I begin a new journey.

Happy Sunday Random Roundup Friends!

I don't know about where you live but it's HOT here in Kentuckiana.  We've had days upon days of 90's and humidity with no end in sight.  For the most part- I just love it.  The only disadvantages are that my extremities swell and my hair just doesn't behave due to the humidity.  On the other hand, the heat is marvelous for my joints.  I don't know for sure if it's the Actmra or the heat but my stiffness in the morning is down to about an hour before I am "normal".  In winter it can be up to 3 hours.

 Outside does make a difference, even though we keep it at a steady 72 inside year round.  When it's hot out I love to spend time out in the sun.  If you are my age, I am sure you remember spending time in the summer, laying out on a towel in the yard with baby oil slathered all over you and Sun-In in your hair.  We all wanted our hair light and our skin dark.  It makes me smile just to think about it.  Now I get as much sun as I can in May, June, July and August.  September I start letting the tan fade in preparation for haunt season.  After all- the darker I am, the more makeup I need to look "dead".

Speaking of haunt season, I am ready early this year.  My costumes have been cleaned, my basket full of makeup and accessories has been restocked and packed and I am already working on my intro for the season.  I have also been working with some of the other actors on things that worked and didn't from last season that we can share with new cast members this coming season.  Last season was drama-free for the most part and we had really good kids.  I hope beyond all hope that this season will be the same or better.  One weight is off my shoulders.  There was a review group that has come through every season and many of us actors were really concerned with how we would rank.  Well, over the off-season their "head guys" showed their colors after the Orlando tragedy by posting some horribly homophobic statements and then getting really nasty when called on it.  I don't tolerate that in my life and I don't respect anyone who can't respect others so, though I doubt they will be allowed in ANY of the haunts in our area this season, if they do make it in I really don't care what they think of our haunt or my performance.

On a happier note, we went out running yesterday and saw a puppy that was just adorable.  She's a boxer/bulldog mix. We have been thinking long and hard of getting Auggie a companion.  His personality has become very toned down since we lost Harley last November and it's been long enough that I am ready to bring another dog into our world.  Jim was all for it immediately but I needed time to mourn that sweet little girl first.  Of course I have my fears.  Can we really get lucky enough to get another dog as sweet as those two?  What happens if my health goes downhill?  Fortunately we have a decent sized yard for them to run in and Jim swears he can handle two of them so there's that.  OTOH- Mom and Dad don't think we need another dog.  I get it because Auggie travels with us and they have already made his reservation (just his, not any of the other Grand-dogs) for our next family reunion but we know that if we do get another dog we will either have to board both or hire someone to stay at the house with them because, like with Harley and Auggie, we wouldn't split them up.  And NEED is a strong word.  But I fully believe in rescuing dogs.  Given the time, ability and unlimited funds I would rescue as many as possible. I can see myself as the "Crazy Dog Lady" in another life.  Given my physical limitations *When* we win the lottery we will donate to as many rescues as we can.  The mission is so important.   Dogs really are better than people.  They love unconditionally and if you treat them well they are loyal to the end of the earth.  Their hearts are pure.  I truly believe that there are very few bad dogs- but many more bad owners.  I have to commend people who can foster- I couldn't because I would want to keep them all.  I know my limitations and letting them go, even to a great home, is one of mine.  It would break my heart and I just couldn't do it.

Now to bring things down a bit.  I am SO over all of the political posts and divisive social commentary on social media.  I will say over and over until I die that I don't care WHO you vote for as long as you get out there and vote.  That said,  these elections have become so contentious that it's making me physically ill.  If I could get a message to everyone who comments on every thread or news article or meme or posts on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, it would be this:  if  you cannot get your message across without calling names, you message is not that important.  As soon as I see rudeness or name calling, I shut down.  I don't care if you are talking to one another or talking about the candidate or about the parties or about ideologies, if you can't be respectful, if you can't make your point without being hateful, your point is moot.  I don't even discuss who I am voting for.  It's between me and the polls.  That said, I look at every issue.  I also look at how the campaign is run, who they surround themselves with and where they stand on healthcare, government oversight, military matters, and jobs leaving the country.  I worry about racial tension, I worry about the separation of church and state, and I worry about foreign relations.  The great thing about being a registered Independent is that there is no "straight party" voting and that I can choose who I think will be best for our country, our state, our city without feeling I need to stay within party lines.  I hope, hope, hope that when you look at the candidates, you can feel free to make your decision with as much openness in your heart and mind as well.  Additionally I have watched the different "Lives Matter" (Black, Blue, All) movements with a heavy heart.  I truly believe that they are doing nothing to advance their causes but just causing further divide.  I understand the concept and why people feel their need.  What I don't understand is why, in 2016, ANYONE is still looking at people as a skin color, a religion, a job, a sexual orientation or a gender identity.  We are more than each of those things.  We are people.  We have hearts and souls.

 What has made me truly sad is that I have found out a lot that is not pretty about people that I thought I knew.  I am thankful that, there's an UNFOLLOW button on Faceobook, but I am sad that I need to use it.  I have unfollowed a lot of people because though I care about them, I just don't want the ugliness cluttering my news feed.  I won't cut them out of my life because they do mean something to me and I believe that deep inside there is more to them than that, but I don't want to see that part of them.   Please know, if you are posting hateful or rude thing, you are still there, I just don't see you on my regular news feed any longer.

Part of trying to live from a place of gratitude is to cut the negativity out of your life.  For me, that means losing the toxicity of this political season.  It means ignoring the rhetoric of the movements and accepting people for their merits.  I have gotten very far off track in my search for gratitude and I think it's because the negativity from many directions is all consuming.   I think it's time for a self-imposed social media and news drought in my life.  It's time to take a break for the good of my own soul.  I will keep my messenger up to keep up with my family and I can be reached there or here but I need a break from the rest for a while.  I hope you have a beautiful Sunday, free of strife and negativity.  I am thankful that you are reading my musings and for all of your support.

Things are looking up- slowly.

    Thus far, 2016 is off to a better start than the last quarter of 2015.

October was good- we moved into the new house and though we are still figuring things out we got mostly settled.  I had another successful haunt season.  I have a new costume this year and was made the "host" of the haunt.  It was very exciting and fun and I am grateful for the trust they put in me to do so.  We had some wonderful new kids this season who did a great job.  I hope they all come back next season.   I also had visits from my son and best friend.  Josh came out to help us move- which was terrific of him- and Karyn made her annual trip out.  Josh not only got to haunt with me- he was even featured in our professional photos!  Karyn got to haunt again too.  I loving bringing my family to meet my haunt family.

There's one of my pro photos

And Josh being "tortured"

Karyn and I prepping for the night

Selfie in character

November, on the other hand, was very rough.  We lost Miss Harley on the first.  Over the course of Halloween weekend she started vomiting and progressively got so sick that by Sunday morning she couldn't lift her head and we rushed her to the vet.  Our vet said that her white-blood cell count was through the roof and her liver and kidneys were shutting down.  It just broke my heart to have to say goodbye to her.  She was about 11 years old and had been with us since we adopted her 7 years ago.  Quiet unless she was bossing her brother around and incredibly sweet, she still has a huge piece of my heart.  Since we lost her, Auggie has become much less animated.  It's been two months and he still looks for her.  I understand that because when I am cutting my fruits and veggies in the morning or making my lunch for work, I still expect her to sidle up for a sliver.  In the morning, Auggie and I get up and he goes outside then comes back in and waits on the mat for his treat.  He then takes the first one in to "her" bed and leaves it there for later and comes back for another which he takes into he living room and eats in my chair.  He's starting to perk up a little but will "disappear" into her bed to nap.  We left it at the bottom of the bed because our new bed is SO tall that sometimes he just doesn't want to be up there all night so he will move down to the bed and sleep there.  They used to cuddle up there together and it seems to comfort him.  We had her body cremated and she's still here with us.  A dear friend (Thank you a million time Danelle Garner!) surprised us with this lovely tribute on the right which sits on the shelf next to her ashes.  We found the little saying at an antique store/flea market in Tennessee and it seemed perfect for the spot.  Jim thinks we should get another pup.  I am just not ready.

I also lost my valued assistant manager to another career in November.  She was young, energetic and super organized.  Pretty much everything that I was before my illnesses set in.  She was a great complement to me but- she wanted to stay in the area and she wanted more, which I understand.  Unfortunately, unless she was willing to wait for me or one of my local colleagues to retire there was no place for her to go.  So, she left to go to work for Cnet.com.  I wish her all the luck in the world but it's been a struggle without her.  Her last day was the 13th of November and we still have not found a good replacement solution.  My full-time employee is up for the position but we fear that if she gets it, they won't let us replace the full-time slot.  There's another candidate but she won't be available until the second week in February if she gets the position so either way, we are going through this rush short handed.  I went on my annual Thanksgiving week vacation with my parents (which was amazing) and since returning I have had exactly 5 days off.  I have been running myself ragged and don't know how much longer I can do it (burn out is rapidly approaching) but the show must go on.  Students need their books, no matter what our staffing situation.  So- we soldier on.

Adding to the stress, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the husband lost his job.  Having a new house, new bills that I have never had to pay before (Mortgage, insurance, water, trash) and having the husband lose his job did not make life easier. Oh- and his truck broke down.  I was ready to scrap the damned thing but he needs it to job hunt so we had no choice but to pay major repairs again.   Within two months my stress level rose to Threat-Con Delta.  Fortunately I am back to traveling to Tennessee for plasma draws for research so we had the money to cover all of our needs AND fortunately I had already taken care of Christmas, but it was tight. Needless to say, I was very glad to see the year end and close the book on this chapter of our lives.

So now the new year.  I ended/started the year following all of my usual superstitions for the new year:  money on the window sills by midnight, black-eyed peas and something green to eat on the first, burning a list of the things I want to leave behind on NY Eve- I just have to burn the things I want for the year and send it off into the Universe.  I plan on doing that tonight.  I was going to do it Friday but I thought of a few things to add to the list.

Last Friday, we surprised my husband in a big way.  Jim will be 50 on Monday and his brother, who we haven't seen since their dad passed in 2014,  drove down from MA to spend the weekend with him.  It was an amazing surprise for him.  Drew is going through some stuff too so a little "brother time" is something they both needed.  I am hoping that they were able to have some "manly conversation" and both will be set on the right path.  That was a bright spot to begin the new year.

This Wednesday my sorta-boss is coming down to interview both my FT employee and the candidate from the other store.  That means a decision about an assistant for me is imminent, and no matter which way it goes we will have an answer and be able to plan.

Now we just have to find him a job and all will be right in my world again.  In the meantime- I am trying to find time for "me time".  I am taking Auggie to work with me today so I can spend time with him while I process online orders.  I think after I work today I will drop him at home and then go have a manicure done.  It's a little thing but it feels good to pamper myself.  I also have to find the time now to use the gym membership I bought in December before everything spiraled out of control.  Both should help me find my center so I can get back on my own track.

Now though- it's time to go to work and be productive so I wish you a lovely day.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2016.

It's been a very long time since I wrote on this blog.  It's been a long time since I wrote anything at all.  Looking back at 2015 I only wrote 22 posts all year.  I don't know for sure what it was.  Life getting in the way?  Lack of inspiration?  Lack of discipline?  I think it's deeper down than that.  I feel that I have been in a slump all around.  I have let "life" go by and let my stress and worries keep me from things I love, like writing.  I can't do that this year.  I want to make this a great year.  I want to make this a year of getting back to my quiet pursuits.  I want to find my balance.  So- I have made my resolutions:

     1-  I will take make time for my writing.

     2-  I will make time for reading as many books as possible.

     3-  I will take time to just sit and color.  Side note- if you are like me and artistically challenged- Adult                coloring books are amazing for relaxing!

     4-  I will take time to plan and prep my meals and cook from....semi-homemade.

     5-  I will use these things to manage the stress in my life so that I can get back to a place inside where I               can find my center and look to the bright side.

I have lost sight of that in 2015 and it's time to get back to it.  There's a quote going around by Brad Paisley.  It's my goal to live by it this year:

Here's wishing you and yours a wonderful 2016.  Let's make it a good one together!  

Finding Time and Ways to Relax

     When you are plagued with chronic illness; be it the host of chronic pain illnesses that I live with, or something like Crohn's, Depression, IBS, PTSD, any other chronic disease or even if you are a major Type A (or High D on the DISC styles), the best thing you can give yourself  is the time and a way to unwind.

     Now I know (being both a Type A and a workaholic) that that is easier said than done.  There are times that I have to actually schedule in my down time.  The thing is- it's imperative that you give your body and your mind time to quiet and recharge.  No matter who you are you can only go so long before your body rebels.  I experienced that countless times pre-diagnosis when I was burning the candle at both ends.  I would go and go and go until I just couldn't go any further.  You know, and I know, that there comes the point when you can FEEL that you aren't at your best, so rather than wait for that to happen, taking time to destress can make a world of difference.

     There are the "usual" ways to relax;  take a few minutes to watch the sun rise or set, take a walk, (if you are like me) spend some time with your puppies, spend some time with your children just doing what they want to do, read a book, take an exercise class, go for a bike ride, take in a movie, etc.  I am sure you have heard them all.  So what else can you do if these aren't working for you or just aren't your cup of tea?  Here are a few low to no cost things that I have on my list:

• Do a round of yoga at home.  If you have cable, OnDemand often has a yoga video or two.  Personally, I prefer this series from YouTube that I can fire up on my iPad, lay it on the floor and follow along.             
• If she is not to your liking, there are hundreds of beginners videos on Youtube for you to choose from.   
• Re-watch your favorite movie.  Pull out that DVD, pop some popcorn and sit back and enjoy.  I don't think you want to know how many times I have seen the 8 movies in the Harry Potter series, ;-) 
• 
  
• Turn off all of your devices.  I know- BLASPHEMY! One thing that always stops me from truly relaxing is hearing the "ping" or "ding" or different assigned noises from my iPhone, my iPad, my PC.  Even if you try to ignore it, in the back of your mind you are wondering "Who was that?  What am I missing?"  Even if you put them on silent, you can hear the vibrations so it doesn't really help.  In order to eliminate feeling like you should be checking to see what's come in you really must turn them all off. 
• While you are device free, give yourself a home "spa" treatment.  A soaking bath with or without bubbles, a facial/body scrub made of brown sugar and honey to treat your skin, a manicure, a pedicure, soak your aching feet in hot water and epsom salts; pamper yourself! 
• Dance your heart out.  It doesn't matter that you are at home, if you are alone let loose.  If the kids are at home make it a dance party, they will love it!  Whatever you do, just fire up the music and go.  
• My current favorite way to relax is to COLOR!  I have less than zero artistic talent but I can color all day.  Do you remember just laying on the floor and coloring when you were a kid? This is my current project:
  
    Barnes & Noble has a plethora of coloring books for adults which you can see here.  Crayola also has us in mind-they have sets of crayons that are twistable mechanical pencils.  The books start at $6.99 in store (ALWAYS support your stores if you can get there) and the Crayons run $7.99 to $10.99 depending on where you get them.  You can also find some really cool downloadable coloring pages online- just search Coloring Pages for Adults on Google.  I can color for hours and block out everything but which shade I will use next.  
• Take a warm beverage into a quiet room and just sip it.  Don't do anything, I mean NOTHING until you finish your beverage.  I am a coffee girl throughout the day but when I want to relax I choose something different.  Lipton and Bigelow have wonderful herbal (caffeine free) teas.  I like the Peach, Blueberry and Superfruit. I add a little raw, local honey and close the door to my bed room.  My current favorite beverage is AOI Tea Company's Blueberry Matcha.  It's subtley sweet- I don't add anything and you can make it with milk or water.  It is truly divine.  I keep a serving of the powder at work for those afternoons when you just need something.  I shut my office door for 15 minutes and just enjoy the matcha. 

       That's a few ideas from me.  How about you?  Do you have inexpensive ways that you relax? Whatever you do today- give yourself some down time.  Stop, breathe and do something just for you.  

     

It's Always Something.

It's back to school time again.  That means I am incredibly busy at work and working too many hours.  It happens twice a year for about a month each time and by the end, I am like this guy:

My thanks to whomever created this!

It seems that every "Rush" something happens.  Last Fall was when I was diagnosed with 5 bad discs in my back and then stressed myself out so much that I had horrific hives.  This year, I am having a tremendous amount of swelling in my feet and ankles.  My NP thinks I am retaining water so she has added Lasix and Potassium supplements to my medicinal arsenal.  That means, including vitamins and such, we are at 6 pills in the morning, 3 at noon and 5 in the evening.

 Before she could prescribe the Lasix she did blood-work. She found that though my kidneys are great (that's important to the water pill) my liver enzymes are elevated again so I will have to go back in two weeks to have them checked again.  She advised that I stay away from alcohol (ummm, I average 2 drinks per YEAR and have for 6 years now) Tylenol (I knew that- do you KNOW how many meds have acetaphinamen in them?) and Advil.  I came home and looked it all up online to see if there's anything that I can do that doesn't involve meds and I found that B-12 helps so that became morning pill #7. 15 pills a day.  That's a lot by any standard.  I also found that eating whole foods and less processed can help as can things like Kale and berries and such.  So- this morning I will be having whole grain toast with a little Jif Whips (peanut butter with chocolate) and banana (go Potassium!).  For lunch it's brown rice and kale salad.  Dinner will be at work because we have an event tonight from 7-10.  I have ordered a bunch of food- including a popcorn machine, a cheese tray and a veggie tray so I will stay with those and stay away from the yummy brownies and such.  I am going to have to be really mindful of what I am eating because to be quite frank- I am not up to dealing with any more ailments.  It's just too much.

That said- I am still looking for silver linings.  I am grateful that with all that's going on I haven't wanted to go back to smoking.  I am grateful that I have wonderful parents who fuss at me if I am not taking care of myself. I am grateful that hubby is back home and we are working on repairing our relationship.  I am grateful to have a son who calls or texts me every day.  I haven't figured out how to be grateful for my 47-year-old-out-of-shape-and-falling-apart body, but given enough time I will.

Things I am obsessed with this week.

Okay, maybe not OBSESSED with but certainly fascinated by:

Swagbucks - This website allows you to earn "points" or "swagbucks" for doing things like searching using their search bar, responding to polls, answering surveys and viewing special offers.  You don't have to buy anything- but if you choose to shop through their store, you earn points.  The more you do, the more you earn.  Me- I am pretty passive but still manage to earn enough to redeem every other month or so. With the "bucks" you can redeem for items ranging from mp3 players to gift cards.  I have personally gotten half a dozen Barnes and Noble gift cards and most recently an iTunes gift card.  It's a neat site.  If you are interested- contact me and I will send you an invite because successful referrals earns you points as well.

Flipboard - Flipboard describes itself as a pocket-sized social magazine.  It is my very favorite app on both my iPad and my iPhone.  In addition to keeping me up to date on my Facebook Wall and Twitter Feed (you cannot post from flipboard but the feeds and there to view) I also read my News, keep up on Tech Innovations, Lifestyle blogs, The Happiness Project, my Google Reader and other feeds all in one spot.  You can search anything that interests you and it will give link you to blogs, Twitter feeds, Facebook pages, Flickr photos etc that apply to your search term.  They also have a "Best of Flipboard" that gives you suggestions.  I have found the most gorgeous photos  (check out Spooky New Mexico) that way.  Literally breathtaking.  I also have found neat blogs, which brings me to my next item:

The Burning House - There is a really cool blog called The Burning House.  The blog asks the question: "If your house was burning, what would you take with you? It's a conflict between what's practical, valuable and sentimental. What you would take reflects your interests, background and priorities. Think of it as an interview condensed into one question."  The caveat is that your family and your pets are safe- so what would you take?  They invite you to think of those things you would take, lay them out on the floor or a table, take a photo of it and upload it along with a little biographical info.  I love this site.  It's so fascinating to see what people would take with them.  The funny thing is that every time I think I know what I would take, I see something that is in someone else's collection and it reminds me of something that means a lot to me so I change my mind again and again.  It really makes you dig down deep and think about what your "things" mean to you.

And last but not least; Pinterest - Oh Pinterest how I love thee.  Pinterest is another form of social media.  Think of it as a giant bulletin board for all things that interest you.  I have created boards for Recipes to Try, Quotes, Crafts, Decorating Ideas, Things I Love and more.  You can just go nuts creating your boards.  After you create your initial boards, you browse through until you find things to "pin" to your boards.  As you find things that interest you and pin them you can check out the boards belonging to the  person who pinned it before you and if you like their things you can "follow" any or all of their boards so that as they pin more, you see it in your feed and find new ideas.  You can also, by signing in with your Facebook/Twitter/Flickr account see who in your social media circles are already on Pinterest so you can follow them too.  It's a lot of fun.  Personally- I have 18 boards created with 333 pins so far.  When I have time, I sign in, scroll through my feed and always find something to pin.  Heck- my recipes board alone has 90 pins and gives me inspiration for my weekly meal planning.  Pinterest is currently in beta phase so it's not open to everyone.  If you check it out and decide that it's something for you, give me a holler and I will send you an invite.

Thats it- that's what I am obsessed with this week!  These things make me happy and let me destress.  What are some of your favorite things?  

Stress and Gratitude

I returned to work yesterday after a lovely long (for me) vacation. As I got ready for work, headed out the door and drove closer and closer to work I could feel the tension build in my shoulders, my neck, my back. I arrived at work and began looking through the stacks of work, notes and emails and tried to prioritize what needed to be done in what order and I could feel my stress level rise further and further. By the end of the day, when I finally left the building two hours after quit time I was a bundle of nerves, tight muscles and a tension headache that wrapped around my head and into my TMJ.

It doesn't much sound like it when you read the above but I should probably say that as a general rule- I genuinely LIKE my job. I like the routine, I like the flow of the work and I like the whole process. Unfortunately I am in a situation where I can't necessarily trust that when I am out things will continue on as they need to which leads to the stress that I experienced yesterday. It is not that I am the only person who can do my job, it is that I am very particular about how my department runs and in what order we approach the process and my priorities are not the same as some of my colleagues and therefore some of the things I find MOST important fall through the cracks.

When I arrived home last night and tried to relax, it just wasn't happening. I took Miss Harley out for her walk and as is my practice I reviewed my day and looked for gratitude moments; it was like running into a wall. I could not focus my mind and get to that place I need to be in order to really feel the gratitude. Even as I did my daily ablutions and headed to bed, I could not get my mind settled enough to peacefully sleep. I woke this morning even more tired than I was when I went to bed last night, probably due to tossing and turning and not being able to shut off my mind and relax my body. This not only kicked in my fatigue but also exacerbated my fibromyalgia.

The Mayo Clinic tells us that without managing our stress, our body is always on red alert. I am definitely feeling that this morning. They also tell us (as anyone with a chronic illness can attest) that stress can lead to even more health issues. What they didn't mention was that if we let it grow without finding a way to stopping it, stress can take you back a few steps on the road to peace and gratitude and block you from opening your heart and mind in order to get back on track.

I have spent the morning combing the web for specific techniques to lower the stress I am feeling as well as quotes to shift my mind back to the blessings in my life. I can tell that I am on the right path because I have found things that make me feel both hopeful that they will work and grateful that I have found them.

These are the techniques that I will be putting into practice this morning when I get in:

Effective time management skills can help you identify goals, set priorities and minimize stress in your life. Use these tips to improve your time management skills and lower your stress level.

■Create realistic expectations and deadlines for yourself, and set regular progress reviews.
■Throw away unimportant papers on your desk.
■Prepare a master list of tasks. Throughout the day, scan your master list and work on tasks in priority order.
■Use a planner. Store addresses and telephone numbers there. Copy tasks from your master list onto the page for the day on which you expect to do them. Evaluate and prioritize daily.
■For especially important or difficult projects, reserve an interruption-free block of time behind closed doors.

I found this quote from Melodie Beattie that just went "click" when I read it:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
— Melodie Beattie

If I can reflect on this quote through out the day- I know I will be okay. Specifically the part about turning chaos into order and problems into gifts. If I can focus on that- rather than letting the irritation and impatience I am feeling, I can look at the current situation as an opportunity to educate and share my vision. Just typing this and really reflecting on it has allowed some of the tension to leave my shoulders. That is another sign that I am heading back on track. For that- I can be very grateful.