Back to School Rush time- again and again

   Another Back-to-School Rush is in full swing.  For me that means working every day through the 12th.  Of course, now that I am a student as well, it also means getting my head straight for learning as well as busting my cookies in the store.  Last term I took my first Hybrid course.  That means that we meet one day a week on campus and the rest is online.  I much preferred that to fully online classes because that one day face-to-face allows for the immediate questions and answers that I need to feel like I am going in the right direction.

    Spring is a slower time for the store so I am going to attempt to take three classes this semester- one face to face, one hybrid and one online.  What that will require is a lot of discipline on my part.  It will also require that I manage my energy levels to the nth degree. 

    The challenge to that lies not only in the Fibro and RA but some things that cropped up within the last few months.  I was very sick in the Fall - the recurrence of Bronchitis and Pneumonia was a multi-month process and left me beyond exhausted.  When I didn't bounce back my doctor did blood work and discovered that I had developed severe anemia.  Combined with the acid reflux I have been fighting for years now, I ended up at the GI doc who diagnosed GERD just by looking at me and my history and then went a step further.  A few weeks ago I had an endoscopy and he found a big old linear ulcer to top it off that he felt was caused by so many years of NSAIDS.  So now- they have pulled me off the NSAIDS, added lots of iron, doubled the Prilosec in the morning and added RX strength Zantac at night.  It's a lot but my energy level has *almost* righted itself but I am hopeful.  I just have to work with not being on anti-inflammatories.  We are also in the process of changing my RA drug but that's another saga for another time. 

     In the meantime- wish me lots of energy as I tackle these classes this term.  It's one step closer to being done with my degree!  Until next time, I hope your weekend is filled with blessings. 

     

Looking back at 2018- Looking forward to 2019

     2018 was a real roller-coaster.  As I sat there on New Year's Eve reflecting on the past 365 days, I realized just how up and down it went.  If I needed further confirmation, it was the dozen or so posts that I had sitting as drafts that I deleted to clean up my year.  2018 also seemed to fly by like a Supertrain bound from Boston to New York.  I cannot believe we are already in a new year. 

     I waited a day in order to give myself time to really think about all of this- and fortunately I had all of yesterday to make notes at my leisure as I sent the husband up to South Bend for the NHL Winter Classic.  He's a HUGE Boston Bruins fan and I got him a ticket for his birthday.  He went solo because Hockey is not my thing and it's not a huge sport out this way.  He was very content to make the 4.5 hour (each way) drive in order to see his favorite team in Notre Dame stadium and I was content to stay home with the pups and set my desks up for next semester, get a little housework done and pamper myself at my leisure. 

     In reflection- here is what I realized.  In 2018, I allowed myself to get so caught up in school, work, and more emerging health issues that I lost time with some important things.    I didn't spend enough time with my parents, my only writing was for school and rather than fight my illnesses, I just let them wash over me and take me directly into a pity party.  When I am in the throes of that mindset, I withdraw and "deal with it" (without dealing with it) solo because the only pity I want is my own.  Silly isn't it?  It takes something jarring to pull me out of my own head and thankfully, the end of the year did the trick.  That said, I did have some real highlights in visiting Josh and his family for a week, and yet another fun haunt season. 

     In looking forward to 2019, I am not making resolutions. Everyone knows we don't make it 6 weeks with resolutions so instead I am setting goals.

1-  I will address the new issue of a big old ulcer and the resulting anemia head on.  This means diet and taking the yukky medication as directed- no matter how hard it is.

2-  I will do my best to schedule my school work in a manageable schedule.    I have three classes in Spring and more than likely 2 in Fall and I will not procrastinate the homework but schedule time within my day to complete it without being overwhelmed.

3- To that end, I will work to achieve a work-life balance that includes time for self-care in addition to downtime to rest and recharge.  These are things I am not always good at even though I know they are beneficial to both mind and body.

4.  I will make it a point to spend more time with my family- be it Jim and the pups or my parents.  None of us will be around forever and we need to enjoy the time we have.  I also know I have a week with the entire family in June and I will savor it. 

5.  I am going to take 30 minutes a day for reflection and devotion.  I have my early mornings that I am essentially listening to the tube and playing games while my body catches up with my mind waking up and it will be easy enough to "schedule in" 30 minutes.  I will either meditate, write here, write in my journal or my "52 Lists for Happiness" workbook- anything to help get my head on straight to be able to start the day with a clear mind. 

     One "tradition" that I have been considering that I am going to incorporate into this year is a focus word but you know me- I can't just ease into anything so I chose two.  My two words for 2019 are: 

Kindness

Gratitude 

    To practice Gratitude, I am going to start by the simple act of saying "Thank You" to those who matter.  To practice kindness, I am going to begin by really listening and thinking before I speak; measuring my thoughts and reframing with kindness before I reply.  As someone who can be very blunt and sarcastic- that will be the toughest beginning but I am going to commit to it.    

On that note- Thank YOU- for your support for all of these years and for taking time out of your day to read this blog.  I appreciate your comments here and on Twitter and that you've stuck with me through the tough times and the good times.  I hope your 2019 is truly blessed.  

     

Out With The Old/In With The New

OUT WITH THE OLD-

I discovered this year, my 49th in this world, that I just don't understand people at all.  Here are a few of the things I don't understand:

I don't understand berating strangers, in person or online.
I don't understand destroying property- not your own but especially that which belongs to others
I don't understand physically harming another person.
I don't understand when life became disposable.
I don't understand the inability to look beyond political parties to see what makes the whole of a person.
I don't understand name-calling.
I don't understand hate.  Period.

This year-2016- has been the most hate-filled of my memory.  I was born at the tail-end of the Civil Rights Era and I honestly feel we have regressed.  This year we have seen very vocal and very violent hate based on religion, gender, race, who you love, who you vote for, whether or not you believe in gun regulation, - pretty much anything you can imagine and I just don't get it.  Maybe that makes me naive, but I feel that it makes me happier than living with hate in my heart.  It's certainly more peaceful than being angry all of the time.

IN WITH THE NEW-

This year I have not made resolutions.  I have instead decided to adopt two keywords for 2017:

Kindness

And

Gratitude

If I can live with those two little words first and foremost in my heart for 2017.  It will be a stellar year.  

Happy New Year Friends... 

More Changes

Great News!  The hubby started his first day of his new jobs- yes jobS yesterday!  Two days in a row last week he had interviews, one for full-time, one for part-time. The afternoon of the second interview he got the calls that both were offering him positions.  He immediately accepted- both.  I am very proud of him.  He doesn't have to take both, we are surviving on my salary (though) it's tight- but he wants to do so in order to catch up our savings as to what we spent while he was unemployed.  I don't know how long it will last- he is just past his 50th birthday after all- but I salute that he wants to try it out.

 Both are shipping/receiving so that's good.  The full-time position is at a local leather company, the part-time is at Lowes.  My only concern(?) (beyond him working himself sick) is that he will get a discount at Lowes.  Me working in and managing a bookstore is the height of temptation.  Lowes is that for him.  It could be dangerous-lol.  But hey- if he rebuilds our savings and then wants to work to buy "toys" for his man-cave- more power to him.

So- I got up yesterday and this morning and while I was making my breakfast and lunch for work, I made him a lunch  too.  He never eats breakfast and rarely eats lunch but I thought it would be a small gesture of support.  His hours, once he gets into the groove, will be 7:00am to 3:30pm and home for a bit, then 6pm to 11 or 12pm based upon the trucks coming in for the night.  I am already making my meals and it if makes it easier for him to actually eat- it's not a hardship on me.  Dinner for him Monday was pre-prepped from Sunday.  I made a lovely pork roast and veggies and we still have plenty of leftovers so all he had to do was plate and heat so he could have a real meal in between jobs.  Tonight he will eat something like Ravioli or Beefaroni that he only has to pop on the stove and heat.  I just didn't think ahead.

Another good thing about this is that it gives me an "excuse" to do an even better job of planning our meals.  Until my new Assistant Manager starts work(in a few weeks) I am working open to close on Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays so I won't be home with him in between jobs to cook so we will be forced to think ahead- because there is no way he should be working that many hours without a real meal.   This not only will make sure HE eats- but that I stay on track as well.  That can make a huge difference in my efforts to stay on plan.  There is nothing so helpful for me than being mindful.

The only one I am concerned about is Auggie.  It's been months of changes for him.  First we moved into the new house in October and my schedule was flipped because of Haunt season and traveling for work.  In November he lost his sister when we lost Miss Harley.  They had been constant companions since 2009.  Then we went out of town for a plasma draw twice so he was in a hotel room for the weekend.   Then we went on vacation for a week-not to Grandma and Papa's as usual- over Thanksgiving so he was out of his element again. December he got his "Daddy" 24/7 when Jim lost his job and I went solo once to the plasma draw. and now it's January and Jim and I will both be gone all day again.  Add to that Josh, Karyn, Jim's brother and my parents spending time here in such a short time (when only Josh and Karyn had stayed with us over the years) and he's not sure if he's coming or going.  It will be very good for him to get back to a routine because for now he's out of sorts.  I am so thankful that he's a mellow mutt because if he was high maintenance- it would be big trouble.  He's not acting out- instead he's my shadow when I am home until about 10pm and then wants to play.  He's also not coming if we call his name as if he's "pouting".  We can look right at him and he will look at us and turn away.   I am going to have to get him to play earlier so we can get to bed at a reasonable hour.  I am sure he will eventually get back to himself but in the meantime- we will have to work with him.

So that's the new changes in our lives.  Thankfully they are mostly positive and I can be grateful to get back to another new normal.  Have a great day gang! 

My World In This Moment- **Picture Heavy**

Well- *my* football season ended tonight in a close game.  That frees me from sports until April when the Sox start playing.  Tonight (it's Sunday) I thought I would share a few pictures of the house, what I am up to and- naturally- Auggie.  No major post, just things I am grateful for today.  **All pictures taken between October 1st and yesterday.  They are not in order- Blogger is being a bear about moving them to where I want them**

 The House now that it's winter, and just before the snow

Had to include the monster bed.  I feel like The Princess and the Pea when I climb in. 

The Harry Potter collection in my home office: 

Auggie- King of my world: 

 

Just because it's true: 

 We spend MANY hours like this: 

My latest project- Wands for my store's upcoming Harry Potter Book Night: 

 The house while we were moving in- Miss Harley loved the back yard: 

 
 

 

 

 

A lovely glass sculpture from my Mama that is named for the Sisters hangs over the sink: 

Taking care of myself and getting back to cooking/prepping real meals:

Naturally- still Haunting in season: 

JOSH came to visit to help us move- and then went haunting with me.  :-) 

Things are looking up- slowly.

    Thus far, 2016 is off to a better start than the last quarter of 2015.

October was good- we moved into the new house and though we are still figuring things out we got mostly settled.  I had another successful haunt season.  I have a new costume this year and was made the "host" of the haunt.  It was very exciting and fun and I am grateful for the trust they put in me to do so.  We had some wonderful new kids this season who did a great job.  I hope they all come back next season.   I also had visits from my son and best friend.  Josh came out to help us move- which was terrific of him- and Karyn made her annual trip out.  Josh not only got to haunt with me- he was even featured in our professional photos!  Karyn got to haunt again too.  I loving bringing my family to meet my haunt family.

There's one of my pro photos

And Josh being "tortured"

Karyn and I prepping for the night

Selfie in character

November, on the other hand, was very rough.  We lost Miss Harley on the first.  Over the course of Halloween weekend she started vomiting and progressively got so sick that by Sunday morning she couldn't lift her head and we rushed her to the vet.  Our vet said that her white-blood cell count was through the roof and her liver and kidneys were shutting down.  It just broke my heart to have to say goodbye to her.  She was about 11 years old and had been with us since we adopted her 7 years ago.  Quiet unless she was bossing her brother around and incredibly sweet, she still has a huge piece of my heart.  Since we lost her, Auggie has become much less animated.  It's been two months and he still looks for her.  I understand that because when I am cutting my fruits and veggies in the morning or making my lunch for work, I still expect her to sidle up for a sliver.  In the morning, Auggie and I get up and he goes outside then comes back in and waits on the mat for his treat.  He then takes the first one in to "her" bed and leaves it there for later and comes back for another which he takes into he living room and eats in my chair.  He's starting to perk up a little but will "disappear" into her bed to nap.  We left it at the bottom of the bed because our new bed is SO tall that sometimes he just doesn't want to be up there all night so he will move down to the bed and sleep there.  They used to cuddle up there together and it seems to comfort him.  We had her body cremated and she's still here with us.  A dear friend (Thank you a million time Danelle Garner!) surprised us with this lovely tribute on the right which sits on the shelf next to her ashes.  We found the little saying at an antique store/flea market in Tennessee and it seemed perfect for the spot.  Jim thinks we should get another pup.  I am just not ready.

I also lost my valued assistant manager to another career in November.  She was young, energetic and super organized.  Pretty much everything that I was before my illnesses set in.  She was a great complement to me but- she wanted to stay in the area and she wanted more, which I understand.  Unfortunately, unless she was willing to wait for me or one of my local colleagues to retire there was no place for her to go.  So, she left to go to work for Cnet.com.  I wish her all the luck in the world but it's been a struggle without her.  Her last day was the 13th of November and we still have not found a good replacement solution.  My full-time employee is up for the position but we fear that if she gets it, they won't let us replace the full-time slot.  There's another candidate but she won't be available until the second week in February if she gets the position so either way, we are going through this rush short handed.  I went on my annual Thanksgiving week vacation with my parents (which was amazing) and since returning I have had exactly 5 days off.  I have been running myself ragged and don't know how much longer I can do it (burn out is rapidly approaching) but the show must go on.  Students need their books, no matter what our staffing situation.  So- we soldier on.

Adding to the stress, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the husband lost his job.  Having a new house, new bills that I have never had to pay before (Mortgage, insurance, water, trash) and having the husband lose his job did not make life easier. Oh- and his truck broke down.  I was ready to scrap the damned thing but he needs it to job hunt so we had no choice but to pay major repairs again.   Within two months my stress level rose to Threat-Con Delta.  Fortunately I am back to traveling to Tennessee for plasma draws for research so we had the money to cover all of our needs AND fortunately I had already taken care of Christmas, but it was tight. Needless to say, I was very glad to see the year end and close the book on this chapter of our lives.

So now the new year.  I ended/started the year following all of my usual superstitions for the new year:  money on the window sills by midnight, black-eyed peas and something green to eat on the first, burning a list of the things I want to leave behind on NY Eve- I just have to burn the things I want for the year and send it off into the Universe.  I plan on doing that tonight.  I was going to do it Friday but I thought of a few things to add to the list.

Last Friday, we surprised my husband in a big way.  Jim will be 50 on Monday and his brother, who we haven't seen since their dad passed in 2014,  drove down from MA to spend the weekend with him.  It was an amazing surprise for him.  Drew is going through some stuff too so a little "brother time" is something they both needed.  I am hoping that they were able to have some "manly conversation" and both will be set on the right path.  That was a bright spot to begin the new year.

This Wednesday my sorta-boss is coming down to interview both my FT employee and the candidate from the other store.  That means a decision about an assistant for me is imminent, and no matter which way it goes we will have an answer and be able to plan.

Now we just have to find him a job and all will be right in my world again.  In the meantime- I am trying to find time for "me time".  I am taking Auggie to work with me today so I can spend time with him while I process online orders.  I think after I work today I will drop him at home and then go have a manicure done.  It's a little thing but it feels good to pamper myself.  I also have to find the time now to use the gym membership I bought in December before everything spiraled out of control.  Both should help me find my center so I can get back on my own track.

Now though- it's time to go to work and be productive so I wish you a lovely day.

Finding Time and Ways to Relax

     When you are plagued with chronic illness; be it the host of chronic pain illnesses that I live with, or something like Crohn's, Depression, IBS, PTSD, any other chronic disease or even if you are a major Type A (or High D on the DISC styles), the best thing you can give yourself  is the time and a way to unwind.

     Now I know (being both a Type A and a workaholic) that that is easier said than done.  There are times that I have to actually schedule in my down time.  The thing is- it's imperative that you give your body and your mind time to quiet and recharge.  No matter who you are you can only go so long before your body rebels.  I experienced that countless times pre-diagnosis when I was burning the candle at both ends.  I would go and go and go until I just couldn't go any further.  You know, and I know, that there comes the point when you can FEEL that you aren't at your best, so rather than wait for that to happen, taking time to destress can make a world of difference.

     There are the "usual" ways to relax;  take a few minutes to watch the sun rise or set, take a walk, (if you are like me) spend some time with your puppies, spend some time with your children just doing what they want to do, read a book, take an exercise class, go for a bike ride, take in a movie, etc.  I am sure you have heard them all.  So what else can you do if these aren't working for you or just aren't your cup of tea?  Here are a few low to no cost things that I have on my list:

• Do a round of yoga at home.  If you have cable, OnDemand often has a yoga video or two.  Personally, I prefer this series from YouTube that I can fire up on my iPad, lay it on the floor and follow along.             
• If she is not to your liking, there are hundreds of beginners videos on Youtube for you to choose from.   
• Re-watch your favorite movie.  Pull out that DVD, pop some popcorn and sit back and enjoy.  I don't think you want to know how many times I have seen the 8 movies in the Harry Potter series, ;-) 
• 
  
• Turn off all of your devices.  I know- BLASPHEMY! One thing that always stops me from truly relaxing is hearing the "ping" or "ding" or different assigned noises from my iPhone, my iPad, my PC.  Even if you try to ignore it, in the back of your mind you are wondering "Who was that?  What am I missing?"  Even if you put them on silent, you can hear the vibrations so it doesn't really help.  In order to eliminate feeling like you should be checking to see what's come in you really must turn them all off. 
• While you are device free, give yourself a home "spa" treatment.  A soaking bath with or without bubbles, a facial/body scrub made of brown sugar and honey to treat your skin, a manicure, a pedicure, soak your aching feet in hot water and epsom salts; pamper yourself! 
• Dance your heart out.  It doesn't matter that you are at home, if you are alone let loose.  If the kids are at home make it a dance party, they will love it!  Whatever you do, just fire up the music and go.  
• My current favorite way to relax is to COLOR!  I have less than zero artistic talent but I can color all day.  Do you remember just laying on the floor and coloring when you were a kid? This is my current project:
  
    Barnes & Noble has a plethora of coloring books for adults which you can see here.  Crayola also has us in mind-they have sets of crayons that are twistable mechanical pencils.  The books start at $6.99 in store (ALWAYS support your stores if you can get there) and the Crayons run $7.99 to $10.99 depending on where you get them.  You can also find some really cool downloadable coloring pages online- just search Coloring Pages for Adults on Google.  I can color for hours and block out everything but which shade I will use next.  
• Take a warm beverage into a quiet room and just sip it.  Don't do anything, I mean NOTHING until you finish your beverage.  I am a coffee girl throughout the day but when I want to relax I choose something different.  Lipton and Bigelow have wonderful herbal (caffeine free) teas.  I like the Peach, Blueberry and Superfruit. I add a little raw, local honey and close the door to my bed room.  My current favorite beverage is AOI Tea Company's Blueberry Matcha.  It's subtley sweet- I don't add anything and you can make it with milk or water.  It is truly divine.  I keep a serving of the powder at work for those afternoons when you just need something.  I shut my office door for 15 minutes and just enjoy the matcha. 

       That's a few ideas from me.  How about you?  Do you have inexpensive ways that you relax? Whatever you do today- give yourself some down time.  Stop, breathe and do something just for you.  

     

You can quote me on that.

One of my routine sources for the quotes to start my day with is Real Simple Magazine.  Each morning I get a "thought for the day" and unless it immediately applies, I file it away in a special folder just waiting to be pulled out when I need it.  Recently I received the following quote:

“Total commitment to family and total commitment to career is possible, but fatiguing.”

― Muriel Fox

I cannot agree more.  This is the time of year for me that is just crazy.  What used to be a 3 week period has easily doubled and it's very hard to make the decision as to where to let things go so that I can get through this time with my health.  I am sure that those of you who live with RA, Fibro, or any of the other "invisible illnesses" understand.  I mean, I already let so much go just doing the day to day that I don't know what else is left. 

I am sure that some are thinking "just be glad you don't have kids depending on you".  **For those that don't know- my "baby" is grown and gone.** The catch-22 is that I do have two sweet pups who are counting on me to get up in the morning, make sure they are fed and watered and let out to do their business and come home at night and make sure they get their walk.  I think in a way the guilt that plagues me with them is far worse.  It's not like I can explain to them that "Mommy has to work longer hours for a few weeks"- they just cock their heads (and it's so cute!) and look at me like "I don't get it but I love that we are having this conversation."  It's not like we can put off their walk until late- that wouldn't be fair to them.  It's also not fair to my other half to expect him to take over their care when he routinely works 10 hour days.   We generally walk them together in the evening but having taken my turns to do it alone I know that it's 3x as much work juggling 2 leashes with dogs who walk at 2 different paces, poop bags, etc.  Add to that asking him to do my half of the making dinner and such and it makes a long day much longer for him. 

Yesterday was a really rough day.  I walked in to chaos at work because of power outages over the weekend and people who didn't know how to reset the systems.  From there it just went down hill.  When I got home much later than usual, all I wanted to do was sit and be a lump.  My stress level was high enough that I couldn't even think of food till after 8pm which isn't good for any of us. 

This morning I woke up at 20 past 1 and have been up since. Insomnia on top of stress- not a good combination.  On a positive side- I sent myself some quotes to get me through this time that I can hang in my office.  On the other side- it's going to be an even longer day since I am leaving shortly for work and won't be home till after close.  It's my hope that by Saturday evening I can walk out of there and feel like I am caught up completely so I can take Sunday off without guilt. 

Do I think it's possible to do it all?  Sure- I did it for years.  It's just not as easy to do it all any longer while living with a chronic illness.  Where I used to say "I will sleep when I am dead", now it's more of a "when can I schedule in a nap?" Hindsight being 20/20, if I could go back and take it easier when I could have, I most certainly would- and you can quote me on that.