Finding Zen: Slowing down and enjoying life more.

I have a seperate file on my email for the different things in my life. RA related emails, Family, Zen Lifestyle and Diet and Exercise etc. I save different emails so that I can go back and read them when the time is right. This morning I found the perfect email for today and I wanted to share it with everyone:

The 10 Essential Rules for Slowing Down and Enjoying Life More

Slow down and enjoy life.
Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.
It’s an irony of our modern lives that while technology is continually invented that saves us time, we use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.

Life moves at such a fast pace that it seems to pass us by before we can really enjoy it.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s rebel against a hectic lifestyle and slow down to enjoy life.

A slower-paced life means making time to enjoy your mornings, instead of rushing off to work in a frenzy. It means taking time to enjoy whatever you’re doing, to appreciate the outdoors, to actually focus on whoever you’re talking to or spending time with — instead of always being connected to a Blackberry or iPhone or laptop, instead of always thinking about work tasks and emails. It means single-tasking rather than switching between a multitude of tasks and focusing on none of them.

Slowing down is a conscious choice, and not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness.

Here’s how to do it.

Yes, it's a bit of a tease- but I don't own the copyright so I am sending you to one of my favorite blogs Zen Habits to find out these 10 essential rules. I hope you enjoy the blog as much as I do. Personally, I can spend hours on the different articles and am very thankful that it is online so I don't have to take notes rather I can read it over and over.

Less is More?

I am watching Oprah's show from yesterday entitled "Oprah on Location: The Happiest People on Earth". She traveled around the world to find the people who were most happy in their lives. This show truly intrigued me.

While in Copehagen, Denmark one of the men said "Less space, less things, more life!" One of the ladies stated that "Success is not measured by your social class but by your values and how you balance your work and family life". I love the idea of this. I feel like it would be very freeing to be able to adopt this lifestyle. Taxes can go up to 60% in Denmark but as a "socialist" country all of their needs such as healthcare are taken care of- and there is NO homelessness and very, very little crime.

In Dubai UAE, it is very traditional to live surrounded by family. In addition to having that family support system, they also have outside help from housemaids, to chefs to drivers. In Dubai there is no income tax- but water, electric, healthcare and unemployment are all completely taken care of by the government. Homelessness is also not an issue in Dubai. Family takes care of family and in the case of the woman interviewed (who incidentally was a doctor) her mother-in-law retains a chef who makes enough food in the enormous "central kitchen" for the entire family three meals a day. The support system in the family was amazing!

In Rio de Janiro, Brazil we saw both the "rich" side of Rio and the "slums" but it was interesting to see that even in the slums though the apartments were tiny and not in the best condition, the woman said that she felt very safe there with her children as there is no drug trade in her area. Though there is not that issue- violence IS an issue in Rio.
In Rio there is not a big mortgage industry. People save until they can afford a home- and if they cannot afford it- they rent. There is none of the 30 years of debt, foreclosures and the mess we are in in the US.

Next up was Istanbul. I have lived in Incirlik Turkey but we never made it east to Istanbul so I was intrigued to see how that would differ from my experience. In Istanbul education is paramount- but at 32 (on average) women quit their jobs to stay home and raise their families. What I saw was much more urban living than what we experienced. Because they are considered to be both in Europe and Asia it is a more sophisticated life than we saw out in the country.

In Tokyo, Japan though the mothers stay home with their children, single women do work outside the home. Work days are very long. Unlike in Denmark when the work day ends at 4- in Tokyo it is not unusual to work late late hours. The homes, like Denmark, are very small but the level of technology is much more relied on.

It was very interesting to see the differences and what was the same with all of these cultures. Having lived in the Phillippines and Turkey, I was very aware of how blessed we are to have all of the "things" that we have but this made me wonder how my life would be if we really, really scaled back.

The problem for me is that I wouldn't know where to begin. I am a saver. I have clothes in 3 different sizes (now, 1 up and 1 down)in my closet, I have literally boxes of Salt and Pepper shakers that I collected when I was a child and that my grandmother collected as well and I received when she passed. I have a bunch of snow globes- I love snow globes. I have a whole china cabinet of Harry Potter stuff because I collected that as well. We have knick-knacks, furniture, books, books and more books. I would have a tough time even knowing which to give up first.

I just keep going back to what the couple from Denmark said both about having less of everything meaning they have more time to really live and that success is measured by your values and balance between work and family. I can see how they correlate. If you have less "stuff" to worry about (and care for) you have more time to spend doing things you love with people that you love. I am just not sure how to get there- or if I can bring my hubby around to that thinking! :-)

Well, it is definitely something to think about this weekend. But now I am off to work and have to put this aside for now.

Horoscope?

Every morning I get my horoscope from both Twitter and from Facebook. They are usually pretty divergent. Though I don't live and die by my horoscope, I do get a lift from reading them. If they are positive- then I can take it and run with it. If it is negative- I can do my best to "prove it wrong." I like today's Twitterscope:

"You may experience an "Aha!" moment as you realize something you can do that improves your daily life without shaking up the parts that work. But having a brilliant thought, even if it's a stroke of genius, isn't meaningful unless you put your idea into motion. Don't try to do too much all at once; it's better to take a small step in the right direction than a giant step that leads you the wrong way."

My first thought when I read this was "oh thank goodness!". We have been experiencing some financial concerns recently with medical bills and other things and of course the holidays approaching like a 747. My husband's work schedule doesn't permit him to schedule much of anything outside of there. From day to day he gets out of work anywhere between 2:30 and 4:30 and never knows until Friday if he is working Saturday and IF he is working Saturday he doesn't know until Saturday morning if he is working 4,5,6 or 8 hours. It makes us a little crazy but more, it makes him incapable of doing anything outside of work that would require a firm commitment. That leaves us with a choice- we can muddle through or I can take a second job. Having worked two jobs for many, many, many years- I have resisted so far. I am hoping that today's horoscope means that I will have the brainstorm that will let us figure out how to get this situation under control without resorting to adding a second job back to my life. I had to laugh though because "they" certainly have me pegged in that I tend to jump into things and take that giant step. One of the struggles of the journey toward a new life for me has been to learn to take baby steps- so I needed that reminder as well.

This morning I am grateful to have had some relief from the fibro flare that came on full force yesterday. I am grateful that I have the kind of job where I can take my heating pad with me and use it as needed. I am grateful that I found this horoscope this morning and didn't have to search out a quote to start my day off in the right direction. I am grateful that my stress is beginning to dissapate and I am on the road back to serenity. Hopefully by the weekend I can be fully back on track.

Stress and Gratitude

I returned to work yesterday after a lovely long (for me) vacation. As I got ready for work, headed out the door and drove closer and closer to work I could feel the tension build in my shoulders, my neck, my back. I arrived at work and began looking through the stacks of work, notes and emails and tried to prioritize what needed to be done in what order and I could feel my stress level rise further and further. By the end of the day, when I finally left the building two hours after quit time I was a bundle of nerves, tight muscles and a tension headache that wrapped around my head and into my TMJ.

It doesn't much sound like it when you read the above but I should probably say that as a general rule- I genuinely LIKE my job. I like the routine, I like the flow of the work and I like the whole process. Unfortunately I am in a situation where I can't necessarily trust that when I am out things will continue on as they need to which leads to the stress that I experienced yesterday. It is not that I am the only person who can do my job, it is that I am very particular about how my department runs and in what order we approach the process and my priorities are not the same as some of my colleagues and therefore some of the things I find MOST important fall through the cracks.

When I arrived home last night and tried to relax, it just wasn't happening. I took Miss Harley out for her walk and as is my practice I reviewed my day and looked for gratitude moments; it was like running into a wall. I could not focus my mind and get to that place I need to be in order to really feel the gratitude. Even as I did my daily ablutions and headed to bed, I could not get my mind settled enough to peacefully sleep. I woke this morning even more tired than I was when I went to bed last night, probably due to tossing and turning and not being able to shut off my mind and relax my body. This not only kicked in my fatigue but also exacerbated my fibromyalgia.

The Mayo Clinic tells us that without managing our stress, our body is always on red alert. I am definitely feeling that this morning. They also tell us (as anyone with a chronic illness can attest) that stress can lead to even more health issues. What they didn't mention was that if we let it grow without finding a way to stopping it, stress can take you back a few steps on the road to peace and gratitude and block you from opening your heart and mind in order to get back on track.

I have spent the morning combing the web for specific techniques to lower the stress I am feeling as well as quotes to shift my mind back to the blessings in my life. I can tell that I am on the right path because I have found things that make me feel both hopeful that they will work and grateful that I have found them.

These are the techniques that I will be putting into practice this morning when I get in:

Effective time management skills can help you identify goals, set priorities and minimize stress in your life. Use these tips to improve your time management skills and lower your stress level.

■Create realistic expectations and deadlines for yourself, and set regular progress reviews.
■Throw away unimportant papers on your desk.
■Prepare a master list of tasks. Throughout the day, scan your master list and work on tasks in priority order.
■Use a planner. Store addresses and telephone numbers there. Copy tasks from your master list onto the page for the day on which you expect to do them. Evaluate and prioritize daily.
■For especially important or difficult projects, reserve an interruption-free block of time behind closed doors.

I found this quote from Melodie Beattie that just went "click" when I read it:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
— Melodie Beattie

If I can reflect on this quote through out the day- I know I will be okay. Specifically the part about turning chaos into order and problems into gifts. If I can focus on that- rather than letting the irritation and impatience I am feeling, I can look at the current situation as an opportunity to educate and share my vision. Just typing this and really reflecting on it has allowed some of the tension to leave my shoulders. That is another sign that I am heading back on track. For that- I can be very grateful.

Attitude Challenge

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."
—Martha Washington

One thing that I keep coming back to when I am having a particularly rough day is the quote above. Mrs. Washington was indeed correct. It doesn't matter if it is raining or sunny out, if you are sore and tired or pain free and full of energy, whether you are living paycheck to paycheck or have a big fat cushion in the bank, if you are happily single or miserably married or vice versa. None of those things will make us happy or miserable. It is only our attitude and outlook toward our lives that will determine how we feel about our lives.

Misery is not a place that I want to be. For me, when I am miserable, the smallest thing can bring me stress. Stress leads to headaches, TMJ issues, lost sleep and has even brought on flares and depression. Knowing myself as I do, I could sit and make a list of all of the not-so-wonderful things in my life. I could start big and keep going until I pick apart every single thing and I am so down that crawling back up would be a monumental task. When I get in a mood like that everything and everyone annoys me. I get snappy and cranky and I am not a nice person to be around. I am sure I drive my poor husband crazy. I know I drive myself crazy when I get into one of these moods. I do not like wallowing in self pity, I do not like having others feel sorry for me, I do not like it when I get to the point that I just want to scream or cry.

In order to turn that around and get myself out of that place, I have created a "challenge" for myself. When I find myself creeping toward the rotten attitude I make myself take whatever it may be that is bothering me and turn it around into something for which to be grateful. Finding something good, finding that silver lining, can be extremely challenging especially when you are already in a mood. If you can do it though not only does it take your mind off of your troubles it also stops the snowball effect of the bad mood and brings you back to a place of gratitude. If you are successful in completing this exercise when you get back to that place of gratitude, you find that a sense of peace has stolen over you and the doldrums have fallen by the wayside.

One example of this challenge would be looking at my coming day. We are on vacation, we have planned on driving to Elizabethtown and Bardstown, KY to tour the Bourbon Trail. We will be touring Jim Beam Distillary, Maker's Mark Distillary, Heaven Hill and a couple others while we learn about the history of bourbon, prohibition in the US, how bourbons are made and aged and what makes each of them unique. Each of the distillaries has tasting rooms and other things to do. As they say- Bardstown and E-town are to Bourbon as Napa Valley is to Wine. We have been looking forward to this for quite some time.

And then I woke up this morning- at 2am not feeling well- and it's raining. The rain means that driving will be miserable and it's going to be all of 43 degrees today (our average temps this time of year is 70's) which means that both my RA and my Fibro are in full effect. Oh and even though I have not had my quarterly alcoholic beverage in anticipation of this trip-I have my every 6 week rheumy appointment is tomorrow and we are doing extra bloodwork because my liver levels are elevated so I can not chance the tasting rooms. Now- I could keep this attitude going all day and let it ruin this trip. I could sulk and complain and bring Jim and Karyn down with me. OR- I could take these things and turn them around. Let's take a look at that:

And then I woke up this morning at 2am, not feeling well but my stomach ache has subsided and I am just left with a big headache. Getting up this early gives me extra time to loosen up my joints and stretch my muscles before we leave and I can sleep in the car and it's raining. The rain means that driving will be miserable but unlike several other areas of the country it is NOT snowing here and I have gloves and jackets to keep me warm. I can also take along some hot hands in case I need them and best of all I AM NOT DRIVING! . and it's going to be all of 43 degrees today (our average temps this time of year is 70's) which means that both my RA and my Fibro are in full effect though I do have a lot of aches and pains today courtesy of the weather- I have not had a full blown flare in quite a while (knock wood) and I doubt this will trigger it. Oh and though I have not had my quarterly alcoholic beverage in anticipation of this trip I have my every 6 week rheumy appointment is tomorrow and we are doing extra bloodwork because my liver levels are elevated so I can not chance the tasting rooms but it does mean that I can take notes and prepare for the next time we are down there and study up to see if I can discern all the notes that they talk about today. Best of all- WE ARE ON VACATION! Even Jim has a day off with pay. We can enjoy one another's company and do this trip and just have fun.

In addition to flipping those "bad" things around I can be so grateful to have this day off with my dear friend and my husband. I can be grateful that we still have 2.5 days together before she flies back home. I can be grateful that my honey likes to drive and therefore I can snooze at will. I can be grateful that both my husband and my friend understand that I deal with physical challenges and if I don't feel up to going in to one of the places today- they will go ahead without me and let me stay in the car and rest. I can be grateful that even after I get back to work on Monday- I have about 4 weeks until my next-total relaxation- vacation. I can be grateful that I get to see my parents this weekend and enjoy time with them before heading back to work.

And just like that the tension is gone and my mood is better. The headache is still there but that is induced by lack of sleep and it will go away once I have some breakfast and a bit of a nap. I do have so much to be grateful for- so much so that it outweighs the things that made me wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. That in itself is a good thing.

"If you look at what you have in life,
You'll always have more.
If you look at what you don't have in life,
You'll never have enough."

—Oprah Winfrey

Changes....

I am sitting here now, watch an episode of Oprah that I taped last week.  The episode is on Hoarding.  Now- we are not hoarders- at least not even remotely like these people- but we definitely are clutterbugs and have stuff that we have moved twice now that we will never need.  The timing is ironic because just the other day my honey mentioned that we really needed to tackle some of those boxes and start purging. 

He is right- the next question is- do we sell, freecycle or donate the stuff.  I feel that if we sell it- then I could afford to have a cleaning service come do our carpets (or at minimum rent a steamer ourselves) which would help me a lot.  On the other hand, donating or freecycling would get it out fast before I can change my mind- which I do a LOT when it comes to getting rid of stuff. 

I think I need to- before we tackle that project- re-read my books on simplifying our lives.  I think that if I can do this- IF I can let go of a lot of the "stuff" that is in my walk in closet, then I can let go of other things.  If I can let go of the lot of it- I can take a weight off of my shoulders as I move toward a more simple life.  I think that if I can make an additional move toward simplifying- the rest of my stress will fall to the wayside.  It would be a good thing.

I think this is a message.  The timing, the fact that Jim brought it up now, and that I have the time and resources available to do it is a message from the gods that the time is right to take another big (for me) step and let go of more of the things that I have been holding on to and to move forward.  The next step is to face the closet of doom and actually purge.  Wish me luck!

Feeling "Normal"

One of the difficult things about having moved half way across the country and entirely changed our life is that, well, we have entirely changed our life.

      I spent many, many (25 many) years in the hospitality industry.  From clerking at a hotel to managing at a hotel front office, from waiting tables, bartending and every other front of the house job in restaurants and nightclubs to managing restaurants and nightclubs, all the way to being a barista in an indie coffee shop and planning and executing functions and events, I have done it.  I loved that business.  It is crazy, hectic, run your a$$ off for your money and hugely profitable if you take pride in your job and do your best to service your customers.  Because it is also very, very physical it is one area of my life that I have allowed my diagnosis to "steal" from me.  I just can't do it any more.  I am aware of that, and I am at peace with that.  It doesn't make me miss it any less.  It was just fun.  Thinking back, I can't think of any restaurant, hotel or coffee bar that I worked in that I didn't make great friends and have a good time while I worked. 

     One of the other great aspects of that industry is the social aspect.   More than hotels or coffee shops, restaurants and nightclub staffs are like big, incestuous familys.  The staff works together, plays together, dates one another, marries one another etc.  You get out of work after a long and stressful shift, you gather around the bar and sit and gripe about work, about customers, about tips.  You dissect the shift, the staff,  and the upcoming events.  You share war stories and funny stories, you get to know one another and air your differences all before heading your seperate ways. 

     When we moved out this way, we completely cut ourselves off from all of that.  In addition to having left everything and everyone familiar, we added Methotrexate to my treatment regimine which means that (by choice- my liver is more important than a social life) I have almost completely removed alcohol from my life.  Where before I would have an ammaretto or a beer after work a couple of times a week and we would get together with friends for dinner and drinks on a night off- I now limit myself to 3-4 drinks per year.  That is all.  My very supportive other half has no problem with this change and though I have no issue with him having a couple of beers when we go out for dinner, he goes bowling or we go out for a night, it is very, very rare for us to go out to a bar and see a band or hear a DJ any longer.  It is just not the same.   Because we haven't cultivated the close friends that we have had, we just don't "go out" any more. 

      One of my dearest friends is in town to visit for a week.  Last night, we went out for dinner (Famous Dave's- KILLER BBQ) and then to Howl at the Moon in Louisville.  Having our dear friend with us made a huge difference.   I played designated driver for the two of them- which was absolutely no problem for me or for them.  The difference is that there is something a lot less socially acceptable about being a designated driver in a party of two- I mean, how does that sound?  The other part of that is that when it is just the two of us, it is more glaring (to me at least) and makes me more self concious that I am sitting in a nightclub or bar with a coffee or a soda.  In my brain it puts more emphasis on the changes to both of our lives that Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia and my host of medications have wrought- even though before I often had a coffee or a soda when we went out anyway- but then it was a CHOICE.  With the three of us being together my honey was able to relax and have a few beers and not feel like he was "drinking alone" and I was able to cut loose and not feel like the "sick chick" while we were out.    If you don't have an "Howl" in your area- it is a deuling piano bar.  Besides having pianists on stage- a big part of the evening is audience participation. We had a ball.  The three of us laughed (well), sang (not so well) and generally cut loose.  We talked, we caught up and we really relaxed.  We got home about 10:30 and stayed up and laughed even more.

                                          Karyn                       Jim                       Moi
    

While I am SO very grateful that I have my dear friend for a week  I also realized something last night.  I realized that we need to break out of our nest and get out there and meet some people from this area.  We need to stop holding ourselves back and open up to new people.  I, personally, need to get over myself and my trepidation and let go.  We also need to realign our thinking and get it through our heads that "going out" doesn't have to mean starting the evening between 8 and 9pm to have as much fun as we had last night.  That is a huge shift- and it was a great lesson to learn. 

Holding Hands

Recently my mom and I got into a conversation about public displays of affection. She and Dad had been in Vegas and the City of Sin had had a lot of PDA going on. Now, we are an incredibly affectionate family. Hugs, kisses, "I love yous", are all part of our interactions. We use our hands to illustrate when we are talking as well as to touch the person we are talking to. Even for us there is a line though and evidently the line had been crossed often while Mom and Dad were in Las Vegas. This discussion lead me to ruminate on how Jim and I's relationship has progressed as evidenced by the progression of our own PDA.

Twenty-five years ago, when we first started dating, we were constantly in one another's hip pocket-literally. Smooching in between classes, walking with our arms around one another hands in each other's jeans pockets. When we were young and married it was still arms around one another but the "need" for constant touching cooled a bit-plus there was a little one in the mix. As we got older it was if we spread out a bit. From X in high school to }{ as young marrieds to \_/ as adults. In the car or walking down the street or even sitting at the movies or watching tv- we automatically clasped hands as if to maintain contact. I After 20 years of marriage, it was still automatic. I can't tell you how many times we heard comments about how "cute" it was that we still held hands after so long. Fortunately, our son takes his cues from the rest of the family and for him too it is not something you think about, just something you do. From two to twenty-two with no stops in between Josh has held my, his grandmothers, even his aunts (on my side) hand as well as hugged, kissed etc his family. Watching my friends children grow up and go through the "don't touch me" and "parents embarrass me" stages- I know exactly how blessed we are to have never have had that challenge with our "baby" :-)

When I was talking to Mom about this, I realized that we have adapted as our lives changed through the years and even now it still is. There was a time when I was first diagnosed that just the thought of having my hands touched would make me cry. It was very rough in the beginning because Jim would automatically grab my hand and I would stop still and pull away. This lead to upset feelings on both sides. Of course with Rheumatoid Arthritis we have our good days and our bad days in terms of the amount of pain in our limbs and often our partners don't know what our pain level is for the day. With Jim and I- our connection is too important for us to just let it go so we have found a way to make it work without performing a medical check each time. Without ever really discussing it we have transitioned to a less painful solution. Rather than taking my whole hand, Jim will hook a pinky on mine. If I am having a good hand day, we slide over into full hand contact, if not, the pinky will suffice.

Until my mom and I had this discussion, neither of us ever talked about it or even thought about it. It was just a way that we show our affection to one another, a way that we keep close without verbal cues. I never thought about the way we have transitioned over the years to accomodate our life changes. Now that we have dissected it, it has become almost an inside thing with us. As soon as we realize we have done this, we look at one another and just smile. So if you see the early 40's 6'4" thin man and the 5'0 not so thin woman strolling along holding hands- give them a smile- it just could be us.

Sleepus Interruptus

It is funny how, now that I have the time to get some sleep, I still don't often get a full night. Tonight, I dropped off late- most assuredly because I rested from 4-6. I didn't nap but I laid in my bed and read until I was recharged. We are having some big storms in the area and Miss Dog was tweeking out courtesy of the wind rattling the windows in the living room and I think she thought someone was trying to get in as she kept barking at the windows. I tried to ignore it- as did my honey- but it just wasn't happening. Jim went down and got the dog and brought her up to the bed where she promptly curled her little body up to me. She wasn't too please when I started moving around. I was very sore and needed to get the kinks out and Jim wasn't going back to sleep either. When he finally gave up and flipped on the light- he got a good laugh because I looked like I was doing yoga as I knealt on the bed with my head down trying desperately to stretch my back. I cannot tell you how many times I end up doing this in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning.

Now, if it were just my back- I would have replaced my mattress by now but it is not, it was most assuredly an RA/Fibro moment. Shoulders, hips, knees, whatever. If there is a joint with a muscle connected- it has given me trouble at some point. I have even fallen asleep with a hand or leg straight up in the air as I try to find a comfortable position- only to wake back up as the limb hits the mattress. Sadly- it usually amuses me knowing what it would have looked like could anyone see me.

The good thing- the thing I am grateful for today- is that since I am on my vacation I can sleep later today after my poor husband goes to work. He stayed up with us until about four and then went back up to try and catch a few more winks before he has to get up at 5:20. I hope he was able to do so and if not, well- I am not adverse to him napping when he gets home. It is his night to make dinner, but I can take that on this evening so he can rest.

As I type this, I am struck again at how blessed I am that we can still work together so well after 25 years of togetherness. There are folks that I know who would be....pissy for lack of a better word, if their "partner" came home and didn't feel up to doing their share, but fortunately neither of us have that happen too often. Goodness knows he steps in when I need down time because of pain or fatigue- it's the least I can do to step in when he needs it. I think I may start dinner early so that if I am tired as well when he comes home we can nap together and eat whenever. Thank goodness for crockpots! :-D

Time to go look and see what we have in the freezer that I can turn into something delectable and crockpot ready for dinner. Another thank goodness for the fact that the storms will be moving out during the day today and when we wake up tomorrow- we will not only be picking my friend up from the airport- but we will be doing so with a gorgeous Saturday.

Vacation and Friends

Two quotes to start this morning's post:

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
-- Bernard Meltzer

And also:

The ideal friendship is to feel as one while remaining two.
-- Anne Sophie Swetchine

I have officially been on vacation as of 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Of course, starting my vacation in an Enbrel haze required me to sleep early last night. That means that I am considering my vacation starting this morning with a clear head. I am sure some of you can relate.

This vacation is special because my best girlfriend is coming to visit for a week on Saturday. She is flying in from my old life. Though there are many things I do NOT miss about New England- the people do not belong on that list. I had some very wonderful people in my life back there. Leaving them behind was heartbreaking but it needed to be done in order to acheive the peace I have found and continue to find. Fortunately, many of them I have kept in touch with through phone calls, emails, facebook, and other means. I have also been able- through those same means- to renew friendships that go back to the early 80's. What a blessing that has been!

Friends- be they next door, on-line or however you maintain the relationships can be the most important lifeline you have outside your family. And spending a vacation with one- just makes it all wonderful.

Just a Quickie :-)

I am battling a cold and fighting so it doesn't become the flu. Today I am grateful for a very short work week. Just today and tomorrow- and then I am on vacation until the 19th. I am not going anywhere exciting, one of my dear friends is flying in to stay for the week and we will just do things in and around Louisville. We will talk, we will relax, we will just enjoy one another's company. I cannot wait. My poor husband will be ganged up on for the week- and he too is looking forward to it-lol.

Now- I am off to to work to get started on getting finished with my tiny work week! Have a wonderful day all!

NEW Important links for those of us living with Chronic Illnesses

I have shared in previous posts links to blogs and specific posts that are particularly important to me. Today I have three new posts that I want to share.

The first comes from one of my favorites- RA Guy. I am grateful for this post today because it can give us perspective and strength whether we are mid-flare or just having a rough day emotionally dealing with our illness:

Milestones
Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy, during his more difficult periods of living with rheumatoid arthritis, is often surprised by the comments and messages her receives from people who thank him for the optimistic attitude of living with RA that he shares here on this blog. Sometimes, when my challenges are big, I do not always recognize that sense of positive thinking and optimism within myself…so it is nice to be reminded by others that they are indeed present and visible.

When I am going through a particularly difficult flare, my cone of focus becomes just a tad bit smaller. World news events are forgotten…which is sometimes a good thing because they can be so depressing at times. Being the eternal optimist, I recognize the good that results from my moments of mental fog, of forgetfulness, and of feeling that once again I am walking on the rim of the canyon that hovers above deep depression. What is the good result of the above items that are often considered to be elements that should remain outside of our lives? For me, these periods force me to turn inwards, to get to know myself a little better.

To use this most recent occurrence of pain and disability to move myself one step forward towards a better place, despite the fact that my body seems to be moving towards a worse place – if I continue to implement this as one of my guiding principles, I feel full of hope, ready to deal with any problem that life presents to me or with any disability that my body presents to me.

I have noticed that after dealing with a flare for a couple of weeks – normally around the time when in the past I used to feel like throwing in the towel and losing hope – I now feel the exact opposite. I feel like a wind (I don’t know where it comes from, to be honest) fills my sails and propels me forward to a place that I may not yet understand, but which I know is a positive and healing place for me at this point of my life. Normally, the first burst forward involves my emotions and my mental state of being, and then is followed by a similar burst forward in my physical condition.

This past weekend, I had that first burst – and a little bit of the second burst. Instead of filling my mind with thoughts such as “how long will this last?” or “I hope my excruciating pain does not come back”, I instead decided to use my clear mind to think about what I have just gone though once again, about what I have learned, and how I can take that next step forward which will help me next time I undoubtedly go through another rough period.

I found myself creating a list…a list of aspects of living with rheumatoid arthritis that are usually (at least for me) regarded as some of the most negative aspects of living with RA. Knowing that I have experienced them many times in the past, and that I will experience those many more times in the future, I thought it would be fun to see what positive and optimistic – yet realistic – spin I could place on these “challenges”.

To read the rest of this post (and you should) follow this link

The second post comes from the always inspirational Single Gal's Guide to RA. I am going to lead you to the blog and you can follow the links to her WEBMD TV spots from there. There are four in all. Sara, like a growing number of us, is of the mindset that we LIVE WITH, not suffer from RA. Her webmd spots are insightful and articulate. Sara gives a face and voice to all of us who live with a chronic illness.

The third and final post today comes from our own RA Warrior. Kelly has come up with a primer for those who are looking for answers as to what exactly Rheumatoid Arthritis is. Her RA 101is straightforward, layman friendly and told from an insider's point of view. Like RA Guy's 60 Second Guide, Kelly's RA 101 is a resource for the newly diagnosed as well as for thier friends and family who want to learn more about the disease they are facing.

I am eternally grateful for each of these posts and people. Their humor, their dedication, their perspectives and their attitude all keep me going and bring me up when I am down, they keep me grounded when I feel my world tilting and they work hard to get the facts out there in ways that anyone and everyone can understand. I had a discussion on twitter the other day with RA Warrior about celebs taking up our cause- and she said "we will have to be our own celebrities for now." These three are definitely our RA Rockstars.

Sunday, Sunday

Do not let Sunday be taken from you. If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
Albert Schweitzer

Do you know those moments when you look back and want to kick yourself right in the butt? Or smack yourself upside the head and say "What in the world were you thinking?" That is me, when I look at the over 600 Sundays in my life that I wasted. Okay- they weren't exactly "wasted" but they were definitely NOT used for what they should have been.

I try- very hard- to live my life with no regrets. I try to take my mistakes and learn from them. Rather than regret the Sundays I have lost, I try to make the most of the ones I have left. I look at my Sundays now and I guard them as if they were precious gems. I have a full day to rest, relax and recouperate. I have a day to spend with my husband, our pup and at times my parents. I can choose to go back to bed after I walk Miss Dog, or stay up and do housework. I can sit in front of the tele vegging, or I can do something industrious. Best of all, I can and do, spend time reflecting on all of my blessings. Whether I attend church with Mom and Dad or I spend time driving back home or just the whole day at home, I tend to my spirit, my soul. I spend time when possible outside marveling at the beauty that surrounds me. I spend time giving thanks. I spend time looking inside myself. I spend time enjoying the silence. The only one thing that would make my Sundays perfect would be to have Josh with us- but then, that would make every day better.

Today, I am reflect on this:

It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.

Happy Sunday!

The Night Sky

"The feeling of love is the same feeling that you get when you stare into the moon on a clear night.”

Moonlight is sculpture; sunlight is painting.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804 - 1864)
Source: The Complete Writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne

Last night was a full moon. The stars were shining like beacons in the sky. There were blocks of clouds floating through, but they only added to the overall picture. One of the things I have learned on this journey is that there is a HUGE world out there and we are pretty tiny parts of it.

One thing that I have learned to REALLY enjoy- and this may sound silly- is to stop during Harley's and my evening walks at the park, sit on a swing, get it moving and just look up at the sky. It has a tri-fold benefit. First, I loved to swing when I was a kid. I had forgotten that. I had gotten so caught up in the "grown up" world that I had forgotten how freeing it is just to sit on that swing and go. Back and forth, back and forth- no worries, just freedom. Flying through the air if only for a few minutes. Second, just looking up at the stars, the moon, the clouds, the sky in its various hues serves to remind me that NOTHING is as big as it feels. When I feel overwhelmed, I just need to look up and realize that though my issues and problems may FEEL big- comparatively, not so much. Finally, when I am feeling lonely, when I miss my son, my sisters, my friends, I can look up at that beautiful sky and know that if they are looking up- they see the same thing so even though we are far apart- we are essentially in the same place.

I am so grateful that I have discovered this connection, that each and every night I can look up and see these things. That I have become mesmerized by the sky and know what it means for me. That I have begun to rediscover the joys I felt as a child with something so simple as a swing.

Get Motivated! Seminar

I attended this day-long seminar yesterday at Freedom Hall at the Kentucky Expo Center. Prior to the seminar, I had talked to my dad about it as we had extra tickets and I would have been happy to have him along. He declined the invite as he had heard from fellow pastors that there was heavy sales pitches involved and he didn't want to make a 2 hour for a sales pitch. Needless to say- I was torn between excitement and skepticism going in.

The seminar was almost exactly what I expected. The speeches from Dr. Robert Schuller, Rick Pitino, Terry Bradshaw, Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell and Laura Bush were wonderful. Each of them is well spoken, knows their subject and had they been the entire program- I could have been VERY happy.

Interspersed with these speakers were Phil Town and James Smith who were the afore warned sales pitches. The sad thing about that is they are both extremely charismatic and they (especially Phil Town) really pull you in as if he were doing a true educational seminar before he springs that the "secret" is the thousands of dollars worth of classes and software that you need to follow his "system". At that point, I stopped taking notes and my jaw dropped at the number of people rushing to the sign up table to take advantage of the "incredible bargain price of $99.00" If none of them follow through with any more than the one offer yesterday (and do not continue to pay for the web service which is 149/3mos) I am estimating that $250,000 easily was cleared on that piece alone. Possibly the same number of people signed up for the real estate seminar offered by James Smith (another bargain at $49.00). I do know that many of the SAME people signed up for both. Googleing when I got home found that at both of these seminars- you get a hard sell for further seminars. Not my idea of good investments- but I hope these people feel they get their money's worth.

The biggest...disappointment of the day was Zig Ziglar. Disappointment was not the word I am looking for, but seems appropriate. I have seen his presentations via tape before this and in his prime he was amazing. Very inspirational and motivational. What I found was that Mr. Ziglar has taken a fall and actually suffered a brain injury which has led to vertigo and short term memory impairment. This was disclosed to us by his daughter who was acting as his "interviewer". Mr. Ziglar answered a few "questions" and the majority of his segment was video clips from his old seminars which basically showed us the same information that he had already said during his live segment with his daughter. At the end of the segment, they had to remind him several times that it was time to leave the stage. It made me horribly sad to see this icon in this condition. My disappointment comes from his family allowing him to continue like this. I cannot fathom what it would help. It just hurt my heart.

All in all, considering that we paid only $19.00 plus parking (and an additional $40 since we preordered the workbook for each attendee-which was on sale at the event for 20 each) for the entire office to go, we got out of the office for a day and we enjoyed (very much) the key speakers- the seminar was a good investment. The workbook was a good value as it had plenty of places to take notes, outlines of the key speakers and speakers from other cities, and articles from the speakers and other world leaders in different fields- but again, I would order it ahead of time.

Physically it was VERY hard on me (I am paying in a big way last night and today for having spent easily 8 of the 10 hours in stadium seating)but I learned that we will not be able to attend concerts there (LOL- my 6'4" husband would NEVER fit in the seats with his long legs)and that if we go again next year, I can get up and walk around and give myself a break during any speaker with which I am not specifically wishing to see.

Would I go again? Yes. Would I plan my day differently- definitely! Now I just need to figure out how to use the insights that I learned yesterday in my own life. My biggest takeaway of the day was that I am on the right path. Many of the speakers talked about the need for positivity to acheieve success and make a good life for oneself. That alone was worth the price of admission!

Going to Get Motivated

My boss bought the whole office tickets to the Get MotivatedSeminar today. I have read the reviews, I know the pitfalls, but I am very excited to see Colin Powell speak. I admire him so very much. I also am looking forward to seeing Terry Bradshaw and Rick Pitino as well. They tell me Laura Bush will be wonderful, to be honest I haven't paid too much attention to her. For me she has been overshadowed by her other half. Zig Zigler is world renowned for his sales techniques and the people that are putting the seminar on- the Lowe's- eh, I can take or leave them. We get a 225 page "workbook" of all of the slides for the program so we can take notes, which will be nice, and also so that if we decide to go wander around during one of the speakers- we won't miss anything.

My hope is that somehow this gets through the message of ownership to the full time staff. My biggest challenge has been trying to break them out of the "this is MY job, that is YOUR job" mentality and teaching that we must cross train and work together in every area if we are going to be successful. Before I came, 7/8th of the full time staff was behind the doors of an office area, not out on the floor with the customers. It has taken over a year to get that changed and still there is resistance. I have hope that this will have a positive impact on them.

Either way I am looking forward to this seminar and am grateful for the opportunity to get out of the office and shake up the week and afterward share information and ideas with my colleagues and see what we each get as our take away message. I am hopeing we will all come away inspired!

I hope you have a wonderful day~I am looking forward to mine!

Things can always be worse

“A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.”

Have you ever known one of those people who are always waiting for the other shoe to drop? The ones who are always worrying about their kids, their husbands, their friends, their family members, their pets, their jobs, their everything? The ones who make themselves crazy over everything to the point that everything is a crisis? I have seen it a thousand times on message boards, on facebook, even twitter over the years: "I need prayers for my son. If he doesn't get an A on his test today he might not get into college (the child in question is 7)" "I need prayers for my daughter, if she doesn't make the softball team it will ruin her summer and her self esteem." "Please say a prayer for Fido, he threw up this morning after eating leftover sausage, I am afraid he has liver failure or worse!" Pessimists of the worst sort, these folks are not happy(?)unless they have something to fret over.

There was a time when I would have, at most, sent up the prayer they requested because obviously it meant something to them if they were taking the time to request that prayer in a public forum and at least I would have acknowledged their request in some form. These days- not so much.

The longer I live with Rheumatoid Arthritis, the more people I meet in what I consider "my" (the invisible illness) community, the longer I try to live my life from a place of positivity and gratitude and the more I surround myself with like-minded people, the less patience I have with the "drama mama's" of the world.

This weekend, as I was reading through the different social media sites and groups I saw quite a few of these messages. I think they have begun to stand out to me more these days. I found my fingers literally itching to type a response that would have been far from what they wanted. The problem is that I don't know how to, in a positive manner, remind these folks of all the things they have to be grateful for. I don't know how to help them see how blessed that they are if that is their largest concern. In fact, I have doubts that they would even want to hear that they are blessed because it would go toward eliminating their constant negativity. It had me thinking so much- and so many negative thoughts that I realized that I was almost feeding into the bad vibes and that is counterproductive for my journey.

I am in a quandry. Some of these people I care for deeply, but I need to find the point where it becomes toxic for me. Do I in essence delete them from my life? Do I use them as a reminder to count my OWN blessings? Do I ignore the pleas and each time I see one take the time to give thanks for my life instead?

There is a psychologist from Scotland that I follow on Twitter ( @Andrew_Johnson ) who often posts a message that I would like to pass along to them. It may be the tact that I take- but in the meantime I am going to repeat it as a mantra until I figure out what to do about this situation. I leave you with his quote:

STOP: With every thought, positive or negative, you create your reality. You are creating in every moment. Change your thoughts!

Does shaking things up help?

I am a bit of a computer geek. I admit it. It doesn't bother me at all to be known as a techno-geek. My husband is not so much a geek- but he loves to play online poker and other games. We have had a computer in our home and online access since between 1998-1999. The best, and worst, thing we ever did was get a second computer and set up a router.

Most evenings we get home from work, relax for a few minutes, make dinner and then we sit about 15 feet apart (me in my pseudo-office, him in the living room) each at our respective computers with our respective televisions on our seperate programs. We can see one another, there is a hall linking us, and we chat back and forth but there is a seperation there.

That makes us sound like we never talk- and that is not at all true. We run our errands together, we talk, we take the dog out for walks, but we also have our alone time while in the same house.

This weekend we did things a little differently. We shut off our computers and spent the whole afternoon and evening together both Friday and Saturday. We caught up on Wipeout (if laughter is the best medicine- I should be cured by now), we watched movies, we played with the dog. Just normal boring stuff. It was very pleasant. It was nice to just enjoy one another's company. It reminds me that we are blessed to be both friends and lifemates.

Will it change anything radically? Probably not. :-) We enjoy being able to keep up with our friends online, both of us have our hobbies that are different from one another. But we might just take more time away from the computers and for ourselves.

An e-mail that made my day.

I received this e-mail today. It put a smile on my face and speaks so well to how I feel about my life today. I wanted to share it with you all and to post it so I could keep it forever.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie,or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat,to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they
understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ...I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break
when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when
somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM
THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER!

Good News

Each morning, after Miss Harley and I take our walk, I plop down in my "office" (aka the section of my dining room with my desk, PC, television and secretary), sip my coffee and watch the local news before flipping on my DVR. Though my goal is to catch the weather and traffic forecasts I also like to keep abreast of what is going on in the world around me. The problem with this, and the reason I can't sit and watch the news all morning is that it is just so depressing!

In the last 15 minutes WLKY News (our CBS affiliate) has covered two shootings, one court case against a high school football coach recently acquitted of reckless homicide, 2 accidents currently being worked near here, killer floods in Georgia, the extended terror warning, and the fact that Anthem insurance just took the largest health care concern in Louisville out of their network- including Kosair Children's Hospital. It leaves me scratching my head and wanting to shout at the anchors; "Didn't anything GOOD happen in the Louisville area last night?"

This is not the way that I want to start my morning. All of this bad news just doesn't lend itself to a positive attitude. In response, my usual MO is to turn off the news and watch something I "taped" last night. Recently though I have begun to search out GOOD news. I sifted through the hits to weed out the specifically religious sites and this is what I have found:

The first thing that popped (and I bookmarked) was the Good News Network The founder describes her mission as this:

The mission is to provide a "Daily Dose of News to Enthuse." The Good News Network is a clearinghouse for the gathering and dissemination of positive news stories from around the globe. Daily stories will confirm what we already believe — that good news itself is not in short supply; the advertising of it is.

With stories that are positive and archives you can search- the Good News Network is an antidote to the inundation of misery we get from "regular news."

The second spot I found to land my cursor was Happy News. Happy News focuses more on people doing great things. As you read through the section on Heroes, you can't help but be inspired.

The third place I stopped was Positive News Daily This site from the UK brings us stories from all around the globe.

These sites are each balanced with stories about people, businesses and events that are bringing something good to this crazy world- and the bring a smile to my face. They are a MUCH better alternative for me to start my morning.

Enjoy your day!