Straying off the path and getting back on track

It's funny.  When I spend a lot of time focusing on what I am going to post here about, it makes me focus on my gratitude and positive steps in a very concrete day.  As I read back through my index I see where I have been posting less frequently and somewhat moving away from what I intended this blog to be when it began.  When I look at the corresponding dates, I can see where the stress level has been rising and where I have been allowing more negativity into my offline life.

I need to turn things around and get back on track.  In order to help me do that, I am working on another series in the vein of my "42 Ways in 42 Days" series I did almost 2 years ago.  I think it might be a good idea to kick it off again on my birthday, that way I have plenty of time to figure out in what direction I want to take this.  Kicking around most heavily in my brain at the moment is something along the lines of a "44 Life Lessons" series.

I am going to keep on blogging and let this one simmer a bit but look for a new series in July!  

On Bucket Lists and Living Life to the Fullest.

I am in the process of reimagining my Bucket List.  If-  heaven forbid- you have never heard of The Bucket List; it's the list of things that you want to do before you kick the bucket.  It's also a terrific movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson and if you haven't seen it- see it and bring the tissues.

 I think we should all have a bucket list.   Some of the folks I have talked to about this have been resistant because it seems morbid to them.  The way I see it, we can't avoid death, it will get us all eventually.  So why not have a list of things to strive for before you reach that inevitibility?  Long before the movie came out, I was thinking about what I wanted to do in my life before I died.  What really started me thinking about this was actually Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You Were Dying".  I have included the video here for you if you haven't seen/heard it. 



I have to admit, just watching it makes me cry and I can't even belt it out without choking up it still has such an effect on me.  As I sit here, with it playing on my other browser, tears are streaming down my face.  That tells me that I haven't reached that point yet that I have gotten it right. 

I went sky diving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Blue Manchu

and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter

and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying

and he said someday I hope you get the chance

to live like you were dying.

I don't want to find out that I have a terminal illness before I start living my life the way I should and doing things that I always wished I had.  I ask myself, why wait until you are under the gun and not able to really enjoy these things you want to do?  Aren't we all terminal? 

I have a lot of work to do on myself- I am the first to admit it.  Slowly I am finding more and more about what's inside.  Gratitude journals, inspirational books, this blog, my other writing; they all give me insight into who I am and who I really want to be in this life.  The beginning of this journey is my diagnosis but when I am working on "me"- I don't really think much about my illnesses.  I give thanks that they have given me the imepetus to start this and to make changes to my life but they don't factor into my bucket list or who I see myself becoming.  I will not allow them to stand in my way of living my life to the fullest- I will only allow them to modify the way I go about it. 

 

A Fun Blog to Share

Good Morning-

As you know ,I am always looking for something that brings positivity into my life and makes make me smile.  Today I have a blog (and associated book) to share with you.  I heard about this on The Gayle King Show on Oprah Radio on my way to my folks last weekend and I have taken time to read a post every day.  I have signed up for the updates in my email - interestingly enough they seem to show up just as my energy is flagging. 

  Today's blog highlight is.....1000 Awesome Things 

When the author began this site, the idea was to celebrate all of those little things that happen in our lives that brighten our days if only for a moment.  In 2010 Neil Pasricha's little blog idea was published as "The Book of Awesome"  which quickly became a bestseller and very recently- his second book The Book of (Even More) Awesome came out. 

I suggest you stop by the blog and whether you start at 1 and work your way through or if you pick them randomly- go through the posts and see how many make you think "Oh yeah!  That is awesome!" 

It's Almost Mother's Day!

I know I have dedicated posts to her before- but my Mom really is terrific.  She's smart, she's funny (you should sit with us at church- serious giggles at times), she's loving and she's genuine.  She taught me (and I am sure my sisters as well) that we can make mistakes and we can learn from them.  She taught me to take responsibility for my life and to never stop reaching for our dreams.  So what could be better than having a mom like mine?  Being a Mom of course!

24 years ago (May 10th, 1987) there was a bit of a...difference of opinion about Mother's Day.  You see, I was just over a week away from our son being born- so hubby was of the opinion that I was not yet a Mom.  In MY opinion- I had been carrying him for 39 weeks- dang it all- I already was a Mom!  Looking back- the whole thing was a little silly but when you are 19, living overseas and away from your family, it's the little things I guess. In case you are wondering- I won that battle-lol.  Little did I know that it would be only one of MANY silly little battles over the years, first with the other half and then with the darling son. Hair, clothes, school, rules, you name it, he pushed my buttons if he thought he could- but always with a large thread of  love holding us together.   Looking back- I wouldn't have changed any of them because he taught me to not sweat the small stuff and chose which battles were worth fighting.

I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be a part of the "club" that is being a Mom.  On Sunday, I not only honor my own Mother but also Josh for making me a Mom as well.  I only hope I did half the job she did.  

Meet The Barkingtons!

     It's been a rough week.  Today will be an extremely long day.  No matter how tired I am, no matter how sore I am, I have my "babies" to come home to.  They are so happy to see me come through the door.  They love up on me when I am down -and when I am up.  They keep me moving when I don't feel like it.  I am so much better for having them in my life.  Everyone should be so blessed to have a little puppy love.  With that, I give you Harley (my 20lb Yorkie/Schnauzer mix) and Auggie (my 20lb Pekingese/Cocker mix). 

Auggie

Harley

Harley and I

Auggie and my Dad



Not to discount REPUTABLE breeders- but there are too many that are not reputable.  If you are looking to add a four legged loved one to your life, please begin your search at and support your local shelter.  They do great work and mixed breeds most often get the best of each breed's traits.  If you are in the Kentuckiana area, my babies came from the Animal Care Society- a no kill shelter in Louisville. 

What's holding YOU back?

     As you know I have been on a big introspection kick of late.  Thinking a lot about my goals and dreams and how to reach the goals and how to re imagine my dreams to fit the curve balls life has thrown my way.  You already know about my goals for the controllable part of my health.  Did you know that when I was a kid I wanted to be a writer?  I didn't quite know what that meant but I imagined myself sitting at home clacking away on my typewriter creating stories like the ones that I loved to read.  I also wanted to be an actress.  I spent a lot of time, while reading those amazing books, imagining different ways that I could say the words on the page.  Being a military brat and moving all the time gives you ample opportunity to reinvent yourself and acting would give that opportunity on a regular basis. Inside I knew that acting was a very long shot so I kept going back to writing.   I imagined myself living in a city somewhere, just me and my pets, writing all day, eating dinner out every night, wearing designer duds and just plain being "fabulous".  Think Sex and the City from a teenage, 70's and 80's mind. Then life happened and I tucked those dreams away with my childhood. 

     Fast forward over 25 years and here we are.  I have been married for 25 years, raised a pretty terrific young man, worked hard, at times played equally hard, and have tried to live my life without regrets.  Are there things I would do differently?  Absolutely, but I only have one regret- and that is not making the move out here a)while I could have spent more time with my granny and b) the "child" were younger and would have had to come with us.  I have learned some very hard lessons along the way but they are just that- lessons that have shaped my life. 

     One thing I realized this weekend is that while I will never be 25 again and 45 is approaching faster than I would like, though I will never be Nora Roberts or James Patterson, Steven King or JK Rowling, I have written and published an article in my college magazine as well as my little e-book, I have written this blog for over two years now with no designs on stopping, and I have another e-book ruminating in my brain.  It looks like I have, while just doing something that I enjoy and without really thinking about it, fallen back into chasing that writing dream.  The only twist is that I have been working in the non-fiction arena rather than writing that Great American Novel.   

     While I was working through this goals and dreams thing this weekend I was wondering what it is that stalls my progress.  In terms of my goals, it would be easy to "blame" my RA and my Fibro for not exercising- but that would be a cop out.  Yes, my illnesses make it very hard for me to get out there and exercise like you see them work out on The Biggest Loser or Heavy, but that has nothing to do with my eating and it's sure as heck not stopping me from walking, from doing a yoga video at home, from "playing" on my Wii-fit.  It would be and has been easy to blame stress and the fact that my other half is a smoker for not quitting smoking but really- last time I was down to 1-2 cigarettes a day and vaping happily away on my electronics when I went back to smoking.  So what is stopping me?  What is holding me back from achieving my goals and really pursuing my dreams? 

     I think maybe part of it is the work.  I think about how much more work it takes for me to lose even a pound now that I am in my forties, much less the over 60 I would like to lose and it just makes me feel exhausted.  It makes me feel exhausted the way even thinking about spring cleaning makes me exhausted.  Confession- the best gift I could ever give myself would be to hire a housekeeper one day a week- I just plain SUCK at housework.  I think that maybe, despite the fact that when it comes to my job I am a workaholic, I expend all of my energy in that direction and have very little left for the rest of my life.   Our jobs are the way we support our family and for so many years it was such a struggle (even now it's not quite a cake walk) that I had to pour my energies into doing the best job possible to make sure that I kept that job and it's just become the way I work.  At one time, I gave myself time once a week for real "me" time (seeing my best friend/hair guru on alternating week from a mani/pedi).  At one time, I was on the go so much that I was easily clocking my 10,000 steps a day without having to work for it- it was part of working two crazy jobs on my feet constantly.  For a long time, working in the restaurant world, I had someone else to cook my meals when ever I worked who was a professional and could suggest great meals that were healthy as well and when I was home, the rug rat would eat healthy stuff as well as the "crap" that my hubby enjoys so I could cook whatever I wanted to suit us all and it would get eaten.   These days there is not too much "me" time- and I most assuredly don't have my standing vanity appointment.  I prefer to spend my time at home with my husband, my puppies and my parents whenever I can.  These days I alternate between 3000 steps and 13000 steps- depending on what's going on with my job.  These days, with only two of us eating- one who needs to lose weight and one who could stand to gain at least half of what I would like to lose; cooking a meal that could do both things is a trial.  All of these things that are going on these days are 100% my choice.  Where I direct my energies is my choice.  I just need to figure out how to  balance the old me and the new me and still be at peace.  For the most part I LIKE who I have become, I just have to find a way to fit in the work I need to do to reach my goals with the rest of my life.  I have to stop letting the excuses get in the way.  I have to stop letting that little voice bully me. I have to get past that little voice that reminds me that my illnesses are always there and if I do too much I could set it off.  When I do that- I am letting the RA and Fibro control part of my life and I have worked so hard to not let it be all that I am about that I have to break this last hold.

     As for my dreams, those are a bit more complicated.  The first thing that is holding me back is a bad case of the "what if's".  What if I am not good enough?  What if I start and just can't finish?  What if I don't deserve to reach my dream?  The second thing is that I am not quite sure how to rework this huge dream to fit where I am now in my life.  I will never be that picture that I had in my head when I was a young girl.  Then again, not many people are.  Writing is not quite as glamorous as I had imagined.  Okay- it's just a job like many others.  I have had a wonderful reality check, courtesy of social media, by interacting with one of my favorite authors M.R. Sellars.  Murv keeps it real.  He is from and still lives in the Midwest.  He loves his wife and child.  He talks about cooking and laundry, housework, deadlines and all of the things we all deal with every day.  He's funny, he's engaging,he's creative and he is just a "normal guy".   He just happens to write books that I really enjoy for a living.  Just "knowing" him has allowed me to see that I don't have to give up what I have if I want to chase that dream again, I just have to re imagine what that dream looks like and what I want that dream to be. 

     Ironically enough, I received my "Thought for Today" Oprah.com newsletter and the title of the newsletter today was "Who are You Meant To Be?"  Since I actually started this blog post yesterday and have an unexpected day off today, I sat down and opened this post, read through what I had written yesterday, minimized the window and opened my email to see that sitting in my inbox.  It was a sign for me that I am on the right path.  I haven't read the articles yet.  I didn't want to read them until after I finished this post because I didn't want them clouding my thoughts while I work through this.  This blog helps me get my thoughts in order.  For me it's like having a conversation with you so I have to focus in order to make myself understood rather than letting things swirl around the way they usually do in this brain of mine.  This blog has been a training ground for me.   It has allowed me to find my voice.  When I wrote Chronically Positive and in the new work (tentatively titled Chronic Living) I write exactly as I write here.  I write from my heart and I write as if we were just talking.  When I think back, when I tried to write fiction,  I had such a problem with whether I would write in first person, whether I would narrate or whether I could just tell a story.  Dialogue killed me.  It just wasn't good because I could not find my footing.  What a gift you have given me by engaging in this blog and helping me find the way I was meant to write.  Am I a genius, nope.  Am I the best writer in the world?  Not on your life.  Do have room for improvement- absolutely!  But I am learning and when a post strikes you enough to comment or to share it with others, you show me what works and for that I am always grateful. 

     So now I have figured out what it is that's holding me back.  I just have to find the strength to get over those obstacles and achieve all that I desire.  So what's holding YOU back from your goals and dreams?  If you have reached them, how did you do it?  Where did you pull the strength from that allowed you to reach for the stars?  My newsletter that I mentioned before begins with a quote and I leave you with the quote from today because I think it's so very appropriate:

“Only by owning who and what you are can you step into the fullness of life.”

                                                                                                           — Oprah

I think I am well on my way to owning it, and I am very much looking forward to stepping into the fullness of my life.  I cannot express how grateful I am for having this arena and for you being my sounding board.  No matter how often I post, I give thanks for this forum and that anyone actually reads it Every. Single. Day. 
 
 

 

    

Reward Systems?

The final goal in my long, long (did I say LONG?) weight loss journey is just over 60 lbs. That's a lot of weight.  I cannot imagine how...light... I will feel when it's gone.  More- when I pick up a box that heavy (and we do have them in my job) I can't believe that I am carrying that around on a regular basis.  I think that it might be a good idea that I put a 60lb box in my office, maybe try to pick it up on a regular basis.  Then again- that would probably make me cry- which I wouldn't want to do at work.  There is a study that says that losing one pound of weight takes four pounds of pressure off of your knee joints.  When I make my goal- I will have removed 240 lbs of pressure from my knees- that's far more than my starting weight!  Crazy huh? 

Anywho- I need something to work toward.  When you think of losing 60 lbs it's very overwhelming.  WW suggests smaller goals so here is what I am thinking:

Every 5lbs, a bouquet of fresh flowers.  I love flowers!  If I give myself a bouquet for every 5lbs, I have 12 bouquets to look forward to. 

At 20lbs, I get new "blingy" collars for the puppies.

At 30lbs- half way there- I get a spa service

At 40 lbs I get a carriage ride in Louisville

At 50 lbs I get a new wardrobe

At 60 lbs I get a new ring. 

I was thinking last night that maybe I can use this same system to quit smoking.  The problem is that it took me quite some time to come up with this list- and this isn't that many things.  :-)  I guess that's the problem and advantage all at once with being an empty nester.  If we want something, we just get it because we are past the expense of raising a child.  But here is what I was thinking in terms of quitting smoking traditional cigarettes ( I am going to use electronics to quit). 

At 24 hours- I get a new bottle of "girly" lotion. 

At one week I get Zumba fitness for either the Wii or the PS3

At two weeks I get a mani/pedi

At three weeks I get 3 new soy candles

At one month I get new sneakers

At 3 months I get  a Bed Bath and Beyond Gift Certificate

If/When I can accomplish these two very big goals- especially at the same time- I will have made huge strides in caring for ME.  Both will help with my RA and Fibro, as well as other internal systems.   One of our "problems" as women is that we take care of everyone else first and let ourselves go in the process.  But if we don't take care of ourselves- who will?  It's time that I do something big for me- and therefore, these are my goals. 

Taking control of my weight loss efforts.

     I have been very public with my struggle with my weight.  Over the last year I have been back on Weight Watchers.  I have struggled with the same 5lbs over and over in that whole time.  STOP- before you think "gee- Weight Watchers must not work!" it must be taken into account that I have been on Prednisone- which is notorious for causing weight gain- the entire time.  When you go to the doctor as often as we do, and when we are sitting there side by side with infusions pumping into our bodies- we tend to talk about our medications and side effects and there is a young lady who started Prednisone the same time as I did and by Thanksgiving (7mos in) she was up 54lbs.  I credit WW with me not having a gain period, much less over 50lbs.

One thing that I love about Weight Watchers is that there is nothing- absolutely nothing- that is off limits.  The school of thought is - everything in moderation and if you are going to have something that would traditionally be considered "bad"- plan for it.  Their guiding principle is the basic for any weight loss- Eat Less, Move More.  It's that simple.   Of course- that's easier said than done in many cases. 

When we are faced with a chronic illness- especially one that is centered around chronic pain (Hello RA and Fibro in my body!)  the Move More part of that principle is particularly challenging.  Not only does traditional exercise just plain hurt, but one of the "side effects" of chronic pain is chronic fatigue.  It's just plain exhausting to hurt all the time.  When I get home after a long day- I am wiped out and don't want to even think about driving to the gym, working out for 30-60 minutes, driving home, starting dinner, cleaning up and all the rest of the evening "stuff".  If I did that, I wouldn't get to bed until goodness knows when.  When you consider that I get up no later than 4:30 so I can be "unkinked" in time to go to work and be productive- it makes me shudder.  Well, I am trying a new (to me) solution for that.  There is a relatively new school of thought that you don't have to do 30-60 minutes all at once to have an effect.  You can do non-traditional exercise and spread it out in short bursts over the day and it still counts.  That seems far more managable to me. 

My plan?  I am starting by doubling my stairs.  When I went up this morning to get dressed, I went up, came right back down and went right back up.  I am also putting my downstairs half-bath off limits except for hair and makeup.  I keep them there so hubby and I can get ready at the same time.  If I use the upstairs bathroom- and do the up-down-up thing, I will exponentially increase my stair climbing.  At work we are in a heavy web order time.  Rather than filling all the order that need to be shipped and then wheeling them all back to the UPS pick up area, I will fill an order then walk it back immediately.  That adds steps to my day.  Then there are commercials.  In this day of the DVR/Tivo, most of us fast forward through those annoying ads.  Well, I am thinking why not use those to my advantage?  If I get up and walk in place (during boring commercials) or dance (to the ones with catchy tunes) or just do a few yoga poses every single time- that's 17 minutes per hour show.  Two tv shows a day won't even dent my DVR but it will give me over 30 minutes of exercise!  Hubby works almost every Saturday so I can take that time to "give" myself a trip to the Y on the weekends.    We pay for the membership but I have found that it's very hard for me to work that in during the week.  On the other hand, it's very good for me to spend time in the therapy pool so I need to give myself the gift of the time to do it.  If I go to my folks, I can give myself (and at least one of the puppies) a nice long walk.  Goodness knows I get up early enough that I should be able to get my rear end out there and take the walk before my parents get up. 

As for the Eat Less portion- that can be a challenge too when you are a "volume eater" like I am.  What I have learned with WW is that I can eat as many fruits and (most) veggies as I like, and treat everything else like a side dish.  I use the small (10") plates for my meals while Hubby uses the "normal" plates.  I also eat my veggies first. If I want seconds- I wait at least 20 minutes to see if I am REALLY hungry or if I just want more because I ate without paying attention.  I have stocked up on high volume/low "points" foods like light popcorn, grapes, baby carrots and other snacky items.  I also have a heavy sweets thing in the evening.  Over the year that I have been with WW I have learned portion control and that I can make a pint of Ben and Jerry's last for 4 servings if I make ice cream cones rather than putting it into a bowl (where it looks SO small) or eating right out of a carton.  I have learned to split my higher "points" sweets and snacks into serving sizes immediately after bringing them home so that I don't have a whole bag or box in front of me.  It only takes a minute or two to take scones or muffins or whatever into freezer quality ziploc bags and toss them into the freezer.  If they are just sitting on the table- I will do the "I have to eat these now because I don't want them to go bad" thing.  Another advantage to breaking up the snacks is that I can grab them and go.  I do it with PopChips (if you haven't tried these- you are SO missing out), almonds,  pretzels- anything I buy to snack on- and put them in my "snack drawer" so they aren't in sight all of the time but easy to grab on my way out the door in the morning.  The most important thing is that I don't deny myself anything.  If I want a plate of spaghetti with sauce- I have it.  I just plan ahead for it by either having very low points things all day or by earning extra points through activity. 

There are two very important things that I have learned by sitting in my meetings almost every week.  The first is to stop beating myself up when I go off plan for a meal.  Just because I went over my allotted "points" for dinner tonight or dessert or even a whole day- it doesn't mean I have completely derailed my efforts.  The message is much like that of AA.  It's that we must take our efforts one meal at a time.  If we get off track, get back on track the very next meal.  The second thing I have learned is that I must make this lifestyle change about me.  I deserve good foods. I deserve to feel better. I deserve the time it takes to do the extra movement.  I deserve the benefits that losing the weight will give to my body in terms of lessening the stress on my already under attack joints.  I may have to work harder for this because of the challenges of the side effects of the medications and the pain associated with traditional exercise- but I am worth the extra effort. 

Tomorrow- how I intend to reward myself to keep my motivation. 

I know who I am not

I was reading one of my many newsletters this morning.  I was reading an article about 20 questions that everyone should ask themselves when I came across this question: 

How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?

The article (By Martha Beck  O, The Oprah Magazine From the February 2011 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine) went on to say this: 

 Your existence is already a factor in world history—now, what sort of factor do you want it to be? Maybe you know you're here to create worldwide prosperity, a beautiful family, or one really excellent bagel. If your impressions are more vague, keep asking this question. Eventually you'll glimpse clearer outlines of your destiny. Live by design, not by accident.

Well- I don't know the answer to the question.  At this point my impressions are very, very vague.  As with most of these articles I think about my life as a whole.  I think about what I am doing in terms of work, in terms of my relationships with my loved ones, with my friends, with aquaintances and with strangers.  I think about these illnesses that I live with and the network I have surrounded myself with and how we support one another.  I think about what I do, and what I would like to do for others.  It's a lot of soul searching.  I am going to think long and hard on what the authentic answer is, but in the meantime- I do know what difference I won't be making in this world. 

There are people like me who have let their health situation consume their every waking moment in a way that leads them to nothing but misery.  They talk about nothing more than how much pain they are in, how their doctor's aren't treating them properly, that no one can possibly understand.  They get to the point that they lose sight of any good in their lives.  I am incredibly thankful that that's not me. 

There are people like me who have taken their situation and use it to educate others.  They find the inner strength to be the voice of the chronically ill and who fight every single day to get the word out about every aspect of their illness.  They teach those not affected about our invisible illness.  They open the curtains on the doctor/patient relationship.  They advocate through their writing and through social media.  They make a difference within the community by providing a forum for the newly diagnosed to find answers and the "old hats" to express their frustration.  They are the hard hitting reporters with a big story- one they cannot get away from.  I am not that person either- I just don't have the patience for it in my life. 

There are people like me who take their situation and use it as a stepping stone to something greater.  They take the challenges of living with a chronic illness and find ways to turn them into positives that they can use to help others.  They find their inner peace and share it with the world.  They use it as a way to share the inner light that is just inherant to them with a much larger audience.  The difference that they make is to lift up those they can reach- and keep reaching farther and farther.  I strive to find that peace and positivity- but I have a long way to go before that can be me. 

There are those who have been married as long as I have who have never worked outside the home. They are content raising their children and making their house a home for their family. They take pride in their skills as domestic goddess.  When I was younger and raising Josh, not only was that not feasible economically but I don't know that I would have had the patience and I KNOW that I didn't have what it takes to be a stay at home mom.  It's just not me. 

There are those who are in the same position that I am in professionally who are terrific at what they do.  They enjoy the social aspect of their job.  They have the talent to diffuse any situation and they are so mellow that they can fit in with most any situation.  They are equally talented at both sides of our "world" (both textbooks and general merchandise) and are successful at managing their business and their situation.  I fall somewhere in the middle there.  I admire their ability to navigate the politics, to take a tense encounter and turn it around and to stay on top of the trends and do it all at once.  That is most assuredly not me. 

It seems, reading back through this, that there are a lot of things that I am not.  The good thing is that with this question rumbling around inside of my head, I get the opportunity to find out who I am.  I get the opportunity to really figure out how I want to leave my mark on the world.  I get to decide what I want my legacy to be- and to make that happen.  For that I can be eternally grateful. 

My own worst enemy

 Bullying has been quite a hot button topic in the last year.  From our government who hosts a well rounded Stop Bullying website to educate everyone as to what bullying is, what forms it can take and how to stop it;  to The Trevor Project and the It Gets Better campaign which aim to prevent suicide amongst LGBT and other bullied kids and teens, the subject of bullying is getting a lot of attention.  On a more local level, the school in which I am located has created "Safe Zones", one of which I am proud to host, and we are working on student training for the fall based on our safe zone training that we hope has quite an impact and has a ripple effect to make people stop and think about how they treat others.   Bullying is not a new phenomenon but our hope is to make it one that is outdated. 

     It would be a little too..."Pollyanna-ish" of me to say that I just want to see people treat one another nicely.  Rather, I would just like to see us return to civility.  In my almost 30 years of working with the public I have seen countless times people treating one another badly.  People will say things and do things to store clerks, cashiers, waiters, bartenders and other service professionals things that they would NEVER say to someone that they know personally.  They treat people in ways that they would not tolerate someone else treating their families.  Whether it comes from a place of entitlement or a need for power it underscores the sense that people are willing to treat other people like total crap in order to get what they want.  No matter what that drives that behavior, I feel that this is also a form of bullying.  It's unacceptable and it needs to stop even if it's only one person at a time.  This is a passionate subject for me.  If there is one thing that working with the public in different capacities has taught me it is to stop and think before I speak in public situations and to be mindful of the other person involved and how my words can affect them.   

    I was sitting on my bed Wednesday night, kicking myself over an ongoing issue, having a pity party with my friends Ben and Jerry when I had a bit of an epiphany.  No matter how civil I am to anyone else, for years I have been bullying myself.  We often say, usually when referring to the choices that we make, that someone is their own worst enemy.  As I sat there calling myself all sorts of names (Stupid,Useless, Fat, No Will Power and more) I stopped for a second and really listened to myself.  In that moment I thought "Whoa!  I wouldn't let anyone else talk to me this way, and I wouldn't speak to someone else that way so why am I doing it to myself?"  That led me to thinking back over the years to the very number of times that I have torn myself down and then beat myself up while I am there.  It had obviously been so often that I do it without even thinking about it.  It shook me to my core to realize that if my husband were constantly talking to me the way that I talk to myself, it would be considered an abusive relationship and if I talked to my staff or my friends that way, I would be considered a bully!  What resonated with me most was that maybe I AM my own worst enemy! 

    As this is a new revelation for me, I haven't worked out where this is going to take me in my life's journey.  I am left wondering how much this denigration has held me back.  I am wondering how I can turn this situation around and make it a positive.  I am wondering how to stop this cycle.  I think my first step will be to find fitting affirmations and keep them with me. The lesson here is that no matter how positive we are in our "waking" moments, that negativity can creep back in at any time.  I think this will teach me to be on my guard.  I hope that it will teach me to be more aware of my thoughts, no matter how fleeting because they can derail your efforts in an instant.  One thing I know for sure is that if I am to work in the Anti-Bullying movement, I have to start with the way I treat myself. 

Something Students These Days Should Know

     I work in the higher education arena.  On a day to day basis I am in constant contact with students.  I am both old enough to be their mother and I work in retail.  Both of these make me fairly invisible to your average 18-20 year old college student going about their day.  What that means is that they will carry on conversations both on their phones and in person as if I weren't there and that gives me some insight into where they are in their lives and what they are thinking.  Additionally I have hired, worked with (and fired) a LARGE number of college students in my "past life".  I have alternately loved them like my own children and spent a lot of time shaking my head at the way their brain works. If I had the opportunity to share lessons with our current students this is what I would say: 

1-  In 5 years most of what feels like a crisis now just won't matter.  It's funny because I have found that many of our freshman and sophomores treat college as an extension of high school and bring the drama with them.  Recently, in the ladies room, two girls were freaking out about some other girl and a boyfriend situation.  I had to smile inside because no matter how big that seemed in the moment, it probably won't matter even by the time they leave college. 

2- How you treat people reflects more on you than it does on them.  Bullying is a huge topic in the news right now but bullying is not the only bad behavior that shows its ugly head.  Remember cliques?  They are alive and well.  Sadly, I even know some adults who still feel ostracized by the "mommy cliques".  I cannot say often enough that there is NOTHING that makes you "better than" about being in a club, a fraternity/sorority, a clique.  How you speak to and treat people; be it other students, your professors, my staff, even your family members, says everything about who you are as a person and nothing about the other person. 

3-  Nothing in life; not your possessions, not any service, not your education, not your job or paycheck, not respect; NOTHING is deserved; you have to earn it.  Society is very different now than when I was a child.  I could enumerate for days the way things have changed but nothing has changed so much as parenting.  We hear about helicopter parents and in my work life I have seen a lot of it.  The problem with Mom and Dad hovering over their children and running interference on a constant basis is that these kids develop an attitude of entitlement.  We see it every single day and it makes me sad.  At some point these students will be out in the world and in a position where Mom and Dad cannot bail them out and they will not know how to handle the situation on their own.  It will be an incredibly rude awakening.  I have given a few of those wake up calls when parents have tried to interfere with employment issues with my staff.  We are supposed to be preparing our children to become productive members of society and that starts with taking responsibility for their own actions. 

4- Life is what you make of it.  I have mentioned before that one of the things that makes me crazy is the "phrase" FML (F**k My Life).  This lesson is very basic:  Drama breeds more drama, negativity breeds more negativity and on the flip side, positivity breeds more positivity.  If you are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, not only will it drop but you will miss all of the great things that you let pass you by while you were too busy lamenting how bad you have it.  Before you say "FML" stop and think.  There are thousands- no millions- who have it worse than you.  Be grateful for all that you have because if you are here, you are in school, you have resources at your disposal to learn, you can feed yourself, you have friends, you have family- you are so very blessed.  Even if you only have ONE of those things, you are better off than many. 


When you begin to appreciate your the things you have in your life, when you acknowledge your blessings, when you take responsibility for your words and actions, a new world will open up for you and you will like the direction in which you are heading. 

Mama Kat's Writing Prompts

I recently discovered a blog called "Mama's Losing It".   It can be found here: 

In addition to a pretty irreverant blog, Mama Kat posts a weekly list of Writing Prompts which (as a part of her writer's workshop) are designed to make us think and get our creative juices flowing.  Today (though it's the middle of the night, I am still considering this Wednesday) I am feeling very grateful for Mama Kat's blog and her prompts because I am feeling very stuck working on book #2 and I am hoping that working through this exercise at least for a few weeks will shake things loose in this brain of mine. 

In the same vein, I picked up a "Writer's Toolbox" at B&N a couple of visits ago and it's time to get working with that as well. 
This week I will be writing on the topic "Something students these days should know" from the "Mama's Losing It" blog.  I am going to try to work this topic into the general basis behind my blog and focus on positive lessons but since I think there might be a little snark hiding in there so I am not sure that I will keep posting these exercises here or on a different blog. 

Sometimes you just need a good laugh

If you need a good laugh- check out this blog:  http://thereifixedit.failblog.org/ 

Most of these made me giggle at the ingenuity of man.  Some just made me shake my head.  ALL made me glad I am not married to these guys. 

I hope this brings you a laugh to begin your Monday!

Mom was right....AGAIN!

It's been 24 years since I was pregnant with my son.  It was during that 40 weeks that I got my first inkling of how truly brilliant that my mom is.   In the time since I produced Number 1 Grandchild,  I have learned to listen to Mom on a regular basis, even if I didn't always act on her words of wisdom.

A month or so ago Hubby and I were at Mom and Dad's house and we mentioned that we both needed to have eye exams.  Hubby has been passively complaining for months about "going blind" and I have noticed that my vision wasn't as wonderful as it had been when it self-corrected back when I was 35.  I also have had an issue since I started my pain med combo a few years ago with dry eyes that only got worse with a year on prednisone.    Three years ago- shortly after my new meds (at the time) I bought the first bottle of Visine that I ever needed for reasons other than.....recreational recovery...    Mom said at that time "Be prepared, you are both at the age when you will probably need bifocals!" We laughed and said something to the effect of "It's not THAT bad!" and that was the end of the conversation.

Well- Mom was right.  Just about $650 later we have our new glasses.  While we were waiting for them to be   made (gotta love Lenscrafters and their In About an Hour thing) I called my parents and said "So- are you going to throw us a "Welcome to the Bi-focal Club" party?"  Dad just laughed and laughed and laughed.  He then promised to have some "old fart" food on hand next weekend when we come visit again.  They are just so funny.  :-/

The bright side of this whole adventure in learning that Mom is always right?  The next generation is already on that path.  Josh's current girlfriend has two little people of her own.  In the year that he has been with her- he has called me half a dozen times to tell me I was right about this or that.  The very best thing I have ever heard from him was when he told me that he always thought we had it so easy as parents- but he has realized that we made it LOOK easy.  When he said that, I was so touched that I almost cried and it's for that reason that I didn't give my parents a giant raspberry and (as I often do) made sure that they knew that I knew that they were right.  

A double challenge

     Yesterday at Weight Watchers our fabulous leader, Valerie, was a little dismayed with us.  The topic of the day was "It's all about ME!"  She started by asking us a simple question- "How many of you have done something or taken time just for yourself this week?"  Her dismay came when only two hands went up in a room of 20 or so women.  One had gotten together with a girlfriend to go for a walk.  The other had taken a nice long bubble bath with a book while her family was out.  Those were good ideas- and they received "bravos" for it, but it wasn't near enough of us. 

     I really wracked my brain to see if I had done anything that is just for "me".  I have napped- but that was because I am still recovering from my trip and am dealing with chronic fatigue.  I spent the weekend with my family and had a lovely visit with my sister and her family- but if they hadn't flown in I would have spent the weekend doing housework and would have worked Monday and Tuesday- and being able to spend time with them was not purely in my control.  They flew in, I didn't go to them.   

     After listening to all of our excuses (no time, no money, too many other obligations etc) Valerie gave us two challenges to complete before next Wednesday's meeting.

 1- to do something that is strictly for us and strictly brings us pleasure.

 2- To make a list of 10 things that we can do for ourselves any time we have a little bit of time and stick it on our fridge so that we see it all of the time. 

     I think the hard part for me will be taking "me" time without guilt.  It's funny because I always thought that as an "empty nester" I would be able to come and go as I please.  Now I schedule my life around my puppies schedule (gotta be home at 7:30 to walk them, don't want to be gone all day and all evening and leave them alone) and the other half and I spend most of our waking time together.  We go and run errands together, we walk the dogs together, we rarely do ANYTHING apart.  The only time we are apart is when we are working and when I travel to my parents and he cannot go because of work.  I feel bad when I leave him at home to go do something that is "fun" for me.  That's something that I need to get past so I can step up to this challenge. 

    So can I step up and do something just for me?  I think I can.  I know I am going to try.  I have 7 days.  The first thing I am going to work on is my list of things I can do for myself, things that don't cost a lot in terms of time or money but that bring pleasure and peace to my soul. 

    What about you?  Do you have things that you do that are just for you?  Things that have nothing to do with your spouse, your kids (two or four legged), grandkids, your chronic illness or your job?  Things that are all about "you time"?    

Own It!

Will.I.am  from the Black Eyed Peas wrote a song for the new Oprah Winfrey Network that I really like.  It's all about reaching for and owning your dreams.  I fully believe that we have to have and reach for our dreams.  Without that- what do we have?  Without dreams, we are just existing day by day.  As long as we have our dreams- anything is possible. 

The lyrics are first with the video beyond it. 


All my dreamers
All my believers
Tomorrow, lead us

If you've been dreamin'
For all your life
This is your chance

Everybody is a star
It don't matter who you are, no
Keep on reachin' for your dreams
'Cuz it ain't as crazy as it seems

We are callin' all the dreamers
We are callin' the believers
Looking for the big achievers
Keep on reachin' for your dreams

Hey, say
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna own it

I wanna own it, that's the way I want it
The way I want it, that's the way I want it
I wanna own it, that's the way I want it
I wanna own it

This is your chance to own it
This is your chance, you own it
This is your chance, don't blow it
Go out and own it, ow-own it

Anybody could be famous
It don't matter what your name is
It's your moment, baby, claim it
Go out and own it, go out an own it

Will I make it? Is what I wonder
I want the top, but not the under
I wanna do it big like Oprah
I wanna own it, I wanna ow-ow-ow-own it
Hey!
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna wanna, own it
I wanna own it, wanna own it

I wanna own it, that's the way I want it
The way I want it, that's the way I want it
I wanna own it, that's the way I want it
I wanna own it

This is your chance to own it
This is your chance, you own it
This is your chance, don't blow it
Go out and own it, go out and ow-own it-it
Uh-huh, Uh-huhuh, Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Go out and own it, Go out and own it
I'm a dreamer
I'm a beliver
A tomorrow leader
And I've been dreaming for all my life
This is my chance......

Exhaustion has set in

     And it's time to rebound. 

     It's been a rough couple of weeks.  Last week was my annual tradeshow.  I was so grateful for my meds.  Two of the days I wore my pedometer while on the show floor.  One day was 3.5 miles and the next 5.24- and that doesn't include walking in the evenings.  By the last night, which was our celebration party- I was literally rocking back on my heels and trying not to put too much pressure on the balls of my feet and toes.  I stayed long enough to see my Territory win the "karaoke" contest (we have some seriously talented people in our company- they were all terrific and it was a tough competition) and then caught the first bus back to the resort.  By the time my colleagues came back I was sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, in my pajamas (they are super comfy and *almost* something I could wear out in public- if I didn't know they were pajamas-lol) with spa socks on my swollen and hurting feet with my cane helping me get around.  

     Like many I don't sleep well in hotels.  Despite having a whole bed with no tall hubby, no puppies, and all of the wonderful pillows (what is it about hotel pillows that make them so fluffy?) to myself, I just can't get comfortable.  Since I have been back home I have continued the pattern.  That means I am sleeping in snatches most of the night.  What doesn't help is that I ran out of some of my meds that help me sleep and had to wait for my doctor's office to call them in.  I had enough to get  me through the trip but realized I was "short" when I filled my weekly pill box on Saturday.  I finally picked them up last night.  Totally my own fault.  My doc gave me the scripts when I saw her on the 11th of last month and I thought I would save myself the 20+mile trip until I used up the ones I had (she upped my Flexeril and Neurontin) and in the meantime lost the papers.  Dumb, dumb, dumb on my part.  I won't do that again.  Next time- I go straight from her office to the pharmacy. 

     It's funny.  I should be close friends with insomnia by now but I am just not.  The meds help.  I still get up in the middle of the night several times (one of my pups is older and has to be helped up and down on and off the bed- and the other one is just spoiled and if his "sister" gets help up- he wants it too) but I don't remember doing it- so it "feels" like I slept through.  Without the meds, and/or with an up level in my pain scale I remember every time I get up and know just how many times I saw my clock- and that leads to exhaustion.  What exhaustion does to me most is scramble my brain.  Though I am physically dragging, that is not as annoying as losing my focus.  Several times since I got home late Friday night I have sat down at this PC and tried to come up with a post and it just didn't happen.  I would look at my blank screen and realize that my brain was just as blank.  That's annoying.  I would look at this screen and realize that I needed to save what little focus I have for my job.  Also annoying.  When I get home from work I am just toast.  I watch TV mindlessly and snuggle my pups but everything else kind of falls by the wayside. 

     Despite all of that, I remain grateful.  Grateful for a hubby who steps up as much as he can, and understands that I am not in a "Wonder Woman" state of mind.  Grateful for my puppies who don't mind Mama being "less than" and needing to just cuddle.  Grateful that my sisters and their families are coming to visit on two separate weekends this month so I get to see them.  Grateful that my parents are as well as they are and don't need my care and are satisfied just to spend time with me even when I have to nap in the middle of a visit.  Grateful that my staff "gets it" and leaves me to deal with what I can.  Grateful for weekends when I can decompress and be a slug if necessary.  Grateful that I have a son who, though he is an adult with his own life in a separate state, calls me almost daily and sometimes more than once a day, just to keep in touch.   Grateful that my learning sessions at the tradeshow were so very beneficial in my professional life.  Grateful that the changing role in my professional life will be one that I can handle no matter how exhausted I feel physically. Grateful for clothes loose enough that they don't touch my bruised-feeling body.   Grateful for friends who understand, both those who go through this just like I do and those who have been with me since my pre-RA/Fibro life and have seen the changes I have made. The gratitude is what keeps me going when I am starting to head down Pity-Party Lane and puts me back on You-Can-Do-This Boulevard.  

So that's where I have been both physically and mentally.  Now it's time to start back on the road to being whole again.  Okay- maybe not whole but functional.  I can settle for functional and that would be another thing to be grateful for in the long run. 

Traveling Solo

Recently I posted about a road trip that hubby and I went on to visit our friends and family in Massachusetts and New Hampshire.  Having prepared and really thought this out ahead of time- I had a "minor" flare when I came back but it was nothing compared to the last trip. 

Today I am off again, this time on a business trip to Orlando.  I enjoy this trip every year- I look forward to it on a business and social level.  On an "I have RA and Fibro" level- not so much.  We spend quite a bit of time learning new things and networking with our peers but we also spend more than a full (long) day on the trade show floor and also walking all over the resort back and forth.  I am actually wearing my pedometer this year to see how many miles I log but I am sure it will be a lot.  I am also flying there and back.  Though the dress is "business casual" for the most part, last year by the end of the third day I had to buy flip flops (have you seen resort prices for flip flops? Insane!)  because my feet would not fit into my shoes.  On Friday, when I flew home, I ended up having to take my shoes off when I went through airport security and never put them back on.  Not even to walk to my car.  That trip was the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of breaking down and needing a handicap plate because my car was on the far side of the long term lot.  I learned a lot from that trip and am applying it this time.  Here is what I learned:

1-  Fly non-stop if at all possible.  Last year I had connections.  I was already exhausted and hurting and walking around and sitting in an airport for an extra several hours just stunk.  Non-stop from Louisville to Orlando is only 2h 10m rather than the 6 hours it took to get there and back when connecting flights.

2- If you have an assistive advice- no matter how "good" you feel before you leave- bring it!  I am, to put it gently- not a fan of my cane.  However, since I have a nagging pain in my hips and knees and know that by the end of the week it will be more than nagging- I am bringing it.  In addition to the fact that it will help with my stability and mobility but Southwest will also issue me a blue "sleeve" for my boarding pass that will allow me to pre-board early so that I can find a seat that will allow me to really be able to stretch my legs out when no one is in the aisle and move around a little more than if I boarded "late" and end up in a middle seat. 

3- No matter where you are going- bring your comfies.  I am going on a business trip and though I am packing professional clothing, I am also bringing my croc sandals and a pair of flip flops.  My boss is aware of my medical condition and actually has RA as well.  She completely understands it if I need to change into something more comfortable on my feet as long as it enables me to do what I need to do.

4- Take your downtime and rest.  We are scheduled literally morning to night- but if we really need to, we can bow out in the evening to rest, we can.  So when we are doing our networking events, if I have to, I will just excuse myself and go to my room and put my feet up or head to the hot tub to soak my aches.  I won't be the only one who leaves early- and if I am the first- well, I will start a trend because believe me- once the first person goes- others will follow suit.

5- Don't hesitate to bring along anything that you may need to keep you going.  I have packed along muscle rub for, my muscles-natch.  I have dried mangos, sugar free hard candies and rice crackers to keep me on track with my diet since they feed us CONSTANTLY but they aren't always the best choices.  I have a box of Snapple lite half tea/half lemonade to add to my water so that I WILL switch to water after lunch rather than coffee all day and night as our choices are usually coffee, hot tea, water or soda.   I have my spa socks to comfort my feet at the end of the long days.  

6- Check everything that you can.  Despite my hubby's misgivings- I am not only checking my bag but my laptop as well.  I have a bag that doesn't necessarily look like a laptop bag and have all of my materials that I need to bring with me "padding" my laptop it lessens the chance of damage.  I used to bring it as a carryon, and if I need to on the way home I will but for the way down- it's being checked in with my luggage.  On the plane I will have my purse, my cane and my Nook.  I can read once we are in the air that way and getting settled on the plane and getting off the plane will be easier.  I am also bringing a bungy cord to strap the laptop bag to the suitcase so that I can roll them both with one hand leaving the other free for my cane.

7- Finally- Use your airport services.  For less than $5.00 per bag (depending on your airport), you can have your luggaged checked through the skycap before you ever step foot inside the airport.  This service is invaluable, especially in larger airports.

That's all I've got!  I hope that if you are traveling soon, some of these tips will make your trip more managable and less painful in the long run.   

Chronic Living

     My first little e-book, Chronically Positive, has received a really nice reception.  It's not a New York Times Bestseller by any means (lol!) but of you google it- it's the first thing that pops and that's a pretty neat thing.  I always wanted to write.  When I was a kid that was my version of wanting to be a police man or fireman when I grew up. 

     What held me back was a fear of failure and not knowing where I wanted to go with it.    Like everyone else who wants to become a writer, I always imagined I would write "The Great American Novel".  Conventional wisdom for writers says "write what you know" but I kind of felt that I didn't know anything worthy of a making an interesting novel.  I would start, put it away, and forget about it and then repeat the cycle.  Finally I just stepped back, put the writing bug in a particular compartment in the back of my brain and changed my dream.  I love books in any way, shape or form so what could be better than helping shape good writing?  I thought long and hard and decided that my dream job would be editing fiction.  It would keep me in the realm of books and if I could do it at home- in my jammies- life would be just about perfect. 

     Then I started this little blog and I found all of you.  The people who read this blog have been so supportive and so encouraging of my journey.  I have enjoyed writing most every post.  Even when I did a series and forced myself to write, it never became a "job".  Instead it challenged me to keep going even when I didn't really feel like pushing myself.  As I wrote and wrote and wrote (this will be the 336th post!) and wrote both from my head and my heart, the door on that little compartment in my brain opened up and I decided that I definitely know a little about living well with an adverse situation so I challenged myself to see if I could complete a book. 

     Chronically Positive may never sell to anyone who doesn't know me but I didn't write it to be a money-maker.  I wrote it as a personal test and not only did I pass my test but more importantly, it helped me to find my voice.  When I hit the "publish" button, something inside me gave a deep sigh.  It was a feeling of having completed something that had been a long time coming.  I thought that I would be satisfied when I shared it with the world but it seems that there is more in there just waiting to get out.  And so I being again. 

     My next project is entitled "Chronic Living".  Like Chronically Positive, I am writing it not just for those of us living with a chronic illness but anyone who is experiencing difficulties in their life.  I have a list of 10 "chapter" ideas thus far and have already begun working on them.  This is going to be a slow process because I want it to be better than the first because I want to grow from the first. 

     Now I am asking for your input.  The title "Chronic Living" means to me that we are on a continuous journey to live with love, peace, happiness in our lives.  It's about living authentically.  It's about facing our challenges head on.  My question for you is this- how are you acheiving your best life?  What do you do, even though you are in a less than ideal situation, to make the best of it?  You can leave a comment right on the blog, or if you would prefer not to share publicly- email me at ChronicallyPositive@gmail.com

I hope you have a terrific day and a lovely weekend! 

What's with the attitude?

A friend of mine from high school posted on her Facebook wall yesterday:

"Life should be lived with a little more GRATITUDE instead of so much ATTITUDE!"

It really resonated in the moment.  There seems to be another wave of "my life sucks" going through the world.  Quite a few Facebook status messages, the Twitter stream and people in real life.  It seems that people are getting more "snappy" with one another.  Personally, I think it has to to with the LONG winter and all of the snow and rain that are fraying people's nerves but in either case- it needs to change. 

I don't know what people hope to accomplish when they are projecting all the negativity.  Are they hoping someone will join their pity party?  Are they trying, when they jump down a stranger's throat, to make that person as miserable as they are feeling?  All that they really accomplish is spreading their nastiness further.  It certainly doesn't make anyone feel better.  Think about it.  If you are around someone who is just blatently cranky, doesn't it make you feel like you could just smack them?  No matter how hard you try to be pleasant, negativity spreads like H1N1 before vaccines. 

With all that is going on in the world right now; the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, Haiti still recovering from their earthquake, the troops deployed in Iraq, Afghanistan and now Libya- is it really a crisis if your tire is flat or if you are running late, if someone cuts you off in traffic or your husband or kids are being a pain in the ass?  Is it necessary to berate the waiter who brought your dinner a little cold or the cashier who is going a little slow today?  It's not going to make you feel better, it will make them feel horrible, and they probably have a lot going on in their life too and you just compounded it. 

So what can we do if we encounter one of these people?  Well, the first thing we can do is be thankful that we are not them.  If it's someone that we know, we can always combat their negativity with positivity and try to turn their attitude around.  A little "I guess that you can be thankful that ________" goes a long way or we can ask them what is GOOD in their life.  If that doesn't work we can always gently remove ourselves from their presence.  Give "It seems you are having a bad day so I am going to go work on something else and when you are feeling better come find me" works to acknowledge their bad attitude without engaging in it and excuses you from their negativity.  If the person is not someone that you know the best thing  you can do is to count to 10 (20, 50 even) before you respond.  That will give you time to center yourself and let their black cloud roll off of you before you respond in kind.  You can put them in their own little compartment and mentally close the door on them before you "catch" what they are projecting.  You can visualize your "go to" thing that you are thankful for in your life and use it as a touchstone to keep you in your happy place.  The most important thing is that  you don't let them infect you and then pass it on yourself. 

More gratitude, less attitude- the whole world would be a better place if we could spread that "condition" as easily as we spread our bad moods.