The light at the end of the tunnel

Well- here we are at 6:30 on Saturday morning.  I am up, in the middle of my first (of many-lol) cups of coffee for the day, dressed comfortably for the day and getting mentally ready for work.  Though I am still writing down my hours (I am salary- there is no OT) I have given up keeping a mental tally because it is just depressing.  I would estimate that my colleague and I, if we were to take all our comp time at once would have two weeks off in a row- and it isn't even our "rush" time yet.  That begins on the 28th and goes until February 1st.  Rush will easily be 12 hour days.

My husband has been wonderful about this.  He knows that we are working our butts off and that it won't be forever so he has been great about cooking for himself and taking care of the dog.  I refuse to give up her walks because I need that time to start and end my day on a normal, calming note.  Just taking her out for her walk can change my mood and my stress level from cranky and high stress to calm and ready for bed.  I am so thankful that we have that time together, morning and night, to walk and have some quiet time to get my head to a good place. 

I had a bit of a snit this week.  I am not proud of it but it rather enabled me to get through the rest of the week.  At one point we were on a conference call and it was very busy so we were feeling the pressure in a big way.  Our boss was talking about deadlines and non-compliance.  *Now* we used to pride ourselves on hitting our deadlines each and every time and most often being early- but we know- darned good and well- that  we are missing some because we are scrambling to do everything that our recently departed colleagues did, the work of the folks that are out on medical leave do, and our own jobs.  We were both feeling a little overwhelmed already and this conversation just hit a raw nerve.  I was starting to get angry and my colleague was in tears and that just sent me over the top.  Rather than storm around and let it stew- I fired off an email to our boss.  You could tell that we were both upset but once I sent it, I was able to go back to work, get back in front of customers and not let it affect my service.  Thankfully I have a wonderful boss who is very aware and called in the morning to talk through the situation.  She assured us she knows we are working very hard and she is really proud of us for holding things together and we discussed who the message was meant for in the big picture.  I am fortunate that she is who she is and that is someone I can admire.  I have said a million times to different people that she will do anything she can to make you successful because if we are successful- she is successful.  I am just grateful that she took the meltdown in the spirit in which it was intended and won't hold it against us. 

So the light at the end of the tunnel- I am going in to work today.  I am giving myself ten hours to get done whatever I can and that will be it.  I am going in with a specific task in mind (that usually takes two days when the store is open) and I am going to not let myself get derailed.  I will NOT go in tomorrow no matter what.  Next week is going to be a bit hectic as well-but I am not spending as many hours as I have been there and on Friday morning, when I leave for my labs- I am not back until the 28th.  I cannot wait.  I am also very, very thankful that my RA and Fibro are not out of control with all of the stress and physical work I have been doing.  I have minor "flares" here and there but usually by this time I would be in full body mode.  Maybe my body knows I just can't do this right now.  At the moment I can just brace up and go on about my business.  That in itself is something to celebrate! 

I am also a little proud of the fact that I have been able to let go a little and not beat myself up.  I am not going to be able to get everything done that I wanted before our Open House on Monday but I am okay with it. I can run reports to show what I am talking about and I can talk through any issues and I will be okay with it.  I was giving myself a very, very hard time about getting everything done but at some point this week I just threw up my hands and said "What will be,will be. "  Once I said that- I was okay.  The weight lifted and I started sleeping a *little* better.  All in all- it has been a crazy, busy, enlightening week and I am so very glad it is almost over.  I am looking forward to next week to get everything on track so I can leave for the holiday and not worry about it.  Oh- AND I finished my Christmas shopping!  SO much to be thankful for!