Thursday, November 12, 2009

Riding the Roller Coaster

     From last Friday through today I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  In fact, I have watched RA Guy's roller coaster video several times because it was very appropriate for what I was feeling.  My work life has been a very, very stressful place for me, and the stress has physically manifested in constantly aching muscles and chronic fatigue.  This, of course, has made me moody as I dealt with the physical and emotional ramifications of the stress and knowing that I have no choice but to spend 8-10 hours a day in the heart of it.

     I have tried every trick I know to stay positive.  I have read inspirational quotes, I have journaled, I have stayed away from things like the news, I have made gratitude list after gratitude list and I have reached out to my support system but none of these things have stopped the ride.  Now is the time to change my tactics and try to get back on solid ground.

     Here is my game plan: 

  • First thing I need to do is take stock.  I need to see what I can change and what is beyond  my control and then let go of the things that I cannot do anything about.
  • I need to step back and look at this from a different perspective.  This close to the situation it seems as if this is an insurmountable problem- but if I step back and force myself to look at this from the outside I may see that my mountain is indeed a mole hill.
  • I need to break the obstacles and the work into small goals- and celebrate when I reach them.
  • I need to make time to take care of myself.  I cannot let my health suffer for this. 
  • I need to stop trying to force the gratitude.  Making my lists when I am under a lot of stress doesn't feel right.  It doesn't bring the peace or the joy that I am trying to acheive.  I have realized that it is better to have one thing that I am TRUELY grateful for than a whole host of things that I am reflecting on out of a sense of obligation. 
  • I need to work on compartmentalizing.  I need to leave work at work, and enjoy the 14 hours a day that I am not there. 
  • I need to stop looking forward and look at NOW.  I need to ask myself what can I do at this moment to change the situation and do what needs to be done?
  • I need to stop and breathe.  Just breathe.  Focusing on my breathing allows me to relax some of the tension that creeps back in every chance it gets.
     I feel that these steps will get me off that roller coaster and lessen my stress.  Hopefully that will allow the fibro flare to subside and allow me to get the sleep I need and will stop the flare of the RA that is already rearing its ugly head.   Hope- that is something that I feel today that I haven't felt in a week- and that in itself is a positive thing and indicates that I am heading in the right direction. 

2 comments:

MissDazey said...

Once again you have shown a positive outlook in your blog article. You are taking steps, not just whining and carrying on. (sorry, some people only complain, over and over again.)

I might just have to copy your list and use it myself.

Kelly said...

Jules,
I agree with you especially about not forcing a list, but having one thing to be grateful for sincerely. That is key. I remember an old post on attitude where I tried to explain that we needed to foruc on a positive truth - not just anything, but something true. This is not about singing "LLlalaalala." (I know you know that...)

Jules, I will pray for you more. I'm realizing that we need to hold up one another in prayer more often because we know what it is like to deal with the pain and pressure of living sick. And, it keeps our focus on others.

Is it ok if I add this to your list? Accepting that the roller coaster baloney may sometimes just be part our lives no matter what we do.

I'd also recommend you add to your awesome list: Watch an inspirational movie or read the book. Tops on my list are Pursuit of Happyness and any book by Eleanor Porter (author of PollyAnna).

Jules, I got your back. I know you got mine.
Love ya, Kelly xo