The Happiness Challenge 2011

So I just joined Gretchen Ruben's Happiness Challenge for 2011. I think this will be another tool to keep me on the positivity track for the coming year. If you are interested- details can be found here:

Winning Outcomes for the New Year

Last night at Weight Watchers we talked about "Winning Outcomes."  Essentially- goal setting.  The key to what our leader said for me was "When you make your goals, when you make your New Years Resolutions- are you setting yourself up to win or do you, almost as soon as it comes out of your mouth, think Can I REALLY do this?"  She then spent the next bit of time teaching us to reframe the way we approach our goals.  A few examples:

Rather than saying "I am giving up chocolate." (really?  You are GIVING UP chocolate?  How long will THAT last?) why not say, "As long as I stay on plan I can have XXX amount of chocolate a week." ?

Rather than saying "I am tired of being overweight- I am going on a diet."  Why not think "I am going to change the way I eat so that I can shed X number of pounds and more importantly, become more healthy."?

Rather than " I am going to the gym every single day."  How about " I will exercise for 30 minutes on Mondays and Wednesday."

It's all about resetting your mind to something that is achievable, reasonable and fits within your life.  More importantly- it's about looking at it from a positive place rather than "I hate this about myself so I need to change it."

Of course- that means that I have to stop and rethink my resolutions and retrain the brain- but it was a good and timely lesson so I wanted to share it.

I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful New Year's Eve and a bright outlook for 2011.  I will see you then and hopefully by then I will have my goals set for the coming year!

Why I say "Happy Holidays"

There's a big "controversy" about the use of "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas" every year.  Some say it's because we have gotten too PC, some claim that they are "Taking Christmas BACK!".  Me- I am afraid that I don't fall into either of those camps.   Here's how I see it.

The world is not all about me.  Yes, I said it- IT'S. NOT. ALL. ABOUT. ME.  Coming from an admitted Princess/Diva- that may shock some- but I am secure enough in my "Princesshood" to know that it's true.  Does anyone care WHAT holiday I celebrate?  Does the guy at the grocery store who grumbled "It's MERRY CHRISTMAS" when I said "Have a very nice holiday" know if I celebrate Christmas?  Or Yule?  Or Hanukkah?  or Kwanzaa?  I sincerely doubt it.  I wonder what he would have had to say if I had said "Perhaps that's YOUR holiday- but it may not be mine!" in return for his grouchy remark. No matter what I celebrate- it's people like him- who seem to be becoming more vocal- that make me want to not even extend well wishes during the season.

When I wish someone a Happy Holiday- I am not making any assumptions about their holiday of choice.  I am merely, sincerely, wishing them just that.  I am hoping that whatever holiday they and their family choose to observe is happy, healthy and safe.  There is no ill intent.  I am not out to steal any one's Christmas.  I want them to have a happy holiday.  Simple as that.  If they choose to read something into that- well, it's their loss.  I refuse to allow it to put a damper on my spirits any longer.  They can take my well wishes or discard them, no skin off my nose.

Now, I am off to celebrate the birth of someone very special this Christmas Eve- my Mama.  So I will leave you with this thought that I just closed out my facebook with:

The holidays are all about family. Family is not only those you were born with or married into but those you choose to allow into your heart. Happy, Happy (and safe) holidays to all of my family. You are each a blessing in my life and I am grateful for you. ♥

Insomnia

It's just after 4am as I begin to write this.  I have been up since 2:45 when a deer decided that the tree line between our buildings and the houses behind us would be a terrific place for a walk.  We still have ice everywhere from the storm last Wednesday/Thursday and as it ambled through it was cracking through the ice with each step which sent our little Harley girl into fits.  I swear she heard it a block away.  I am not surprised as each time WE step out on the ice to take the dogs for their walk the German Shepherd down the block hears the four of us and goes into a frenzy.  Add to the fact that there is NO ONE out in the middle of the night- no traffic, no people- and you get major reverberation of sound.  Of course- she couldn't go it alone.  She had to get Auggie all wired up to go with her.  It took about a half an hour for them to settle down and really get that they had "scared" the deer away and now they are back snoring while I sit here, coffee in one hand, remote in the other, flipping channels till the world comes awake and I can go into work for a few hours.

Sounds like an aberration, right?  Not so much.  It took me half of forever to get to sleep.  I just couldn't get comfortable.  Then Miss Dog decided she needed to be up on the bed- which I can *almost* do in my sleep but is just enough of an interruption to make me realize that sleep has stopped.  Neither of those things- or the fact that I am up pre-3am- are unusual any more.  It is more unusual when I actually sleep for 6 consecutive hours.

I am trying- really trying to find something to be grateful for in the insomnia.  Something positive.  I guess I can  be happy that my DVR is empty-lol.  I can be grateful that my laundry is sort of caught up (still gotta fold it).  I can be grateful that I haven't had the urge to dive head first into my chocolate stash.  I can be grateful that now that hubbs is up- I can get working on dinner.  I only wish I could-when I wake up and can't get back to sleep- be either pain free or coherent enough to get some writing done. Together they are a double whammy of royal pain in the butt.   Oh well- it usually only goes on for a couple of months and then I sleep again.  Let's just hope it gets me through the next rush before I turn into a sleeping vegetable.  :-)

Guilty Pleasures

We can always be thankful for our guilty pleasures. You know-those things that we indulge in on occasion and we know that we shouldn't  enjoy as much as you do, but really you can't help yourself. Having taken today off to just unwind I have been indulging in mine most of the day.   Here's a small list of my guilty pleasures:

• Christmas Movies- I have watched a TON of them on the Hallmark Channel this month- I giggle, I cry (a lot) and no matter how sappy- I DVR and then watch as many as I can.
• Tough Chick music- I usually listen to country music but I have a whole stash of Avril, P!NK and Katy Perry.  Don't tell anyone- but I also have the entire soundtrack to RENT which I could play all day and never get tired of listening.
• Fun Reality shows of sorts- Iron Chef America, Top Chef (all three versions), Project Runway, Survivor, Inside the Actor's Studio, Undercover Boss, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Oprah's Big Give, Jaimie Oliver's Food Revolution.  Now- I don't like the "too much drama" shows (Housewives, Jersey Shores, pregnant teenagers) or the shows where the protagonist is screaming at people (Hell's Kitchen, Flipping Out) all of those make me kinda gag- but the ones that are done well are just delicious.  
• Naps- there is just nothing better than a nice long mid-afternoon nap.  
• Literary Vampire Series turned TV shows/Movies- Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries- yes, the market is glutted with other stuff but these series all have characters that you can sink your teeth into (pun intended).  Even Bram Stoker's Dracula and Anne Rice's Lestat Series fit in there.  

So thats a small portion of my list- what about you?  What are your guilty pleasures?  

Be careful what you wish for

Though I wouldn't say I "wished" for snow- boy is it here.  It's cold- bitterly cold.  The temperature is 21 but when you add in the wind chill we are looking at low single digits.  We have been in a "Winter Weather Advisory" until 1pm and I am up watching the news to see the snow cancellations (160 and counting) since Auggie was whining to get up on my bed at 3am.  Of course- we are not closed- on the very slim chance we will close it won't happen until around 6am.  It's funny.  It seems as if each of the colleges waits to see what the other schools will do before they make up their minds.  I have very little chance of having a "snow day" because finals are over and so it's only the staff and administration who would be going in to the school this morning but I enjoy seeing the list grow longer and longer because that means that there will be that many less people on the roads when I go in a few hours from now.  It's not the amount of snow that is the issue for us, rather it is the up to 35mph winds that will is blowing the snow and reducing visibility and the black ice thanks to the rain before temps dropped.  I don't relish having to clean off my car to go to work though.  I haven't yet stocked up on my "hot hands" so it will be very unfriendly to my hands.  I think I will pack two thermoses so that I can warm us sufficiently when I get there.

The next few weeks will be crazy.  In my work cycle we essentially have about three weeks to do all of the work that we do over the summer.  That means that weekends are no longer my own and that I will be running on fumes by mid January when the craziness is all over.  To that end I have stocked up on good fruits and veggies and last night made my first of many batches of Irish Oatmeal.  The house smells wonderful because when I begin the process I add cinnamon, nutmeg and a bit of brown sugar to the water and as it boils the house smells like snickerdoodles.  In an hour or so, when I start getting ready for work, I will portion out the oatmeal and then some fresh blueberries to add after I reheat it at work.  Just thinking about it and smelling it makes my mouth water.  I am pretty darned grateful that I learned of the steel cut oats because it just sticks to your ribs so much better than regular rolled oats.

I really, really need to get back to blogging more regularly.  I didn't realize until this time period how much it helps me focus and keeps me on the path to gratitude and positivity.  I think I will go back to carrying my little notepad in my purse so that I can jot down things that I want to acknowledge as they happen or as I see them.  That too helps me step back and look at things from a positive angle.

I think that my next wish- being careful with this one- will be to get through this next month intact and to get back on track in all areas.

First Snow of the Season

I do not, as a rule, like snow at all.  That said there is something intrinsically beautiful about the first snow of the season- especially when it happens over a weekend.  Late Friday night it started to snow in our area, light squalls- just enough to cover the ground and make Harley and Auggie curious.  The weather was all over the place- I had quite a bit of work to do so I ran into work just when it started to sleet.  By the time I left work a few hours later- it was misting rain- just enough to clear away all the white stuff that was on the ground and clear the roads.

I still have a bit of shopping to do so I dragged the hubby out to get working on some of it (one more stop today and I will be very close to done) and by the time we got out of there, there were big fat flakes flying everywhere.  It really was beautiful, like living inside a snow globe that was just shaken.  People in my area aren't very confident on the road in the snow so fortunately we were close to home and had nothing else that was pressing so we were able to go home and snuggle in for the night.

Today- the ground is covered with big, fluffy snow.  Only about an inch but enough to look pretty. It's covering the trees and shrubs, the rooftops and everything in between. The dogs have been out playing in the new white stuff on the ground.  Auggie is so funny, he picks it up in his mouth and throws it up in the air and runs at it like he does his ball. He nuzzles it at Harley as if he were throwing it at her and she just watches him patiently as if she's saying "Idiot kid".  They go out and play for a bit and then realize they are cold and run back to warm up on the couch.  It's as if I have a couple of small children, minus the layers of clothes to put on and take off each time they go in and out.

By tomorrow it will be slushy and muddy and the snow will be back to the snow that I am not so fond of- but today, today I can just enjoy the beauty of it.  Between that and the holiday movies on Hallmark Channel- it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Be the change?

 "Be the change you wish to see in this world."  Ghandi

I love this quote.  It is so very simple and yet so very all encompassing.  This afternoon, I bought one of those "wall art" sticker thingies that says exactly that and I have placed it within sight of where I sit as I write this.  Tonight, as I sit and sip cappuccino at my desk I am pondering this quote and how I can take it and apply it to my life.  

I am hoping that I can take it and use it for my health in general, and my weight loss efforts specifically.  I am hoping I can use it for my relationships and in my work.  I am hoping I can find a way to get my own life to where I would like it to be and then take it further and use it in my community.  I think I will make it my new goal:

Be the change.  Small or big- be that change.

Giving Thanks

In honor of Thanksgiving- which I hope that you are all enjoying today with your families- I need to get my own list of things that I am thankful for out here. 

1-  My husband and son.  We all know I am nuts about both of them, but I am also incredibly grateful for both of them.  They are good men and I love them dearly. 

2- My family.  I have both of my parents, two sisters by blood and one by heart, their spouses,and assorted neices and nephews (9 now!) that are all wonderful.  I am so blessed that we all get along as well as we do and that we genuinely like one another.

3-  My inlaws.  Marrying my honey over 24 years ago gave me the gift of his parents and his siblings as well. 

4- My dear friends- who are also family.  Our circle of friends are the family of my heart and I am grateful every day- whether I get to talk to them or not- for having them in my life. 

5- My RA "Family".  Those of you that are with me in this battle day in/day out and share your stories- you give me hope, you give me strength and you strengthen my faith.  I am so very grateful for each and every one of you.

I was listening to Dr. Maya Angelou on Oprah Radio (for which I am also grateful) this morning and she said that she gives thanks constantly- for everything great and small.  Everything from waking up every morning to finding a good parking space.  It keeps her in a gratitude mind.  I think I am going to try that for a while.  I think it will help me as well. 

Happy Thanksgiving my friends!

What Causes Rheumatoid Arthritis Un-Awareness?

**Disclaimer**  This is an opinion piece.  The opinions expressed are soley mine culled from my experience living with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. 


When asked why it is that we need to campaign for awareness, the answer is twofold.  The easy answer is that the research into causes, disease progression, treatments and (dare I say it?) cures is woefully underfunded.  Without awareness we will not get the funding that is so desperately needed. 

On the more personal front, from the front lines the lack of awareness does more damage to the patient than just the funding issues.  It damages us emotionally, it adds stress to our lives and diminishes the pain that we live with on a daily basis.  So what are the roadblocks that we run into in our road to awareness? 

• What's in a name?  Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Let's be honest here.  The Rheumatoid gets lost and all anyone sees or hears is "Arthritis".  I did it when I was diagnosed.  My first thought when it came out of my Nurse Practitioner's mouth was "I am not old enough to have ARTHRITIS!" There's nothing catchy, nothing "sexy" about being associated with a very well known condition that our grandparents get.  The suggested alternatives are too...umbrella to me.  Rheumatic Disease?  Autoimmune Disease?  There are hundreds of both.  We need something that is unique to our situation.  I feel that that universal knee jerk reaction to is why our "celebrity" RA patients aren't vocal about their disease.  Who wants to be associated with something that is for "old people"?  These people are in a career that values youth.  Look at Kathleen Turner.  She allowed the tabloids to broadcast that she had substance abuse problems rather than coming out and saying that she was fighting RA.  While I shake my head at that thinking, I can also see why, when known as a sex symbol, she would not want to be associated with the word "Arthritis". 
• The invisibility factor.  Until such time as we have had significant damage, you can't SEE Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I have been diagnosed for 5 years now.  Visibly, the only physical damage you can see is that my pinkies no longer straighten and two of my toes on each foot are turning out.  Who looks at that?  I see it because it is me and my own vanity but no one who meets me would notice unless I pointed it out.  I walk differently- I have a bit of a wobble these days and my balance is not fabulous, but again- just meeting me you would not know that it hasn't always been that way.  To my own detriment I only use my cane, or my braces when I have to do so.  Again with the vanity thing but also because I tend to power through anything tough in my life.  It's my own way to deal but even if I do use my mobility aids, people assume that I have been injured and I don't always have the time to give an adequate explaination. 
• The judgement issue.  Judgement comes in many, many forms.  My husband and I have handicap plates on our vehicles because of my RA.  Grocery shopping- which I love- can be very tiring and often makes my hips feel like hot pokers are being stabbed into them.  When I am shopping, I use the cart to maintain my balance and to lean on as needed but no one can see the pain that I am in, because of this I have been on the receiving end of a multitude of filthy looks and snide remarks for having the nerve to use my plate for handicap parking.  At first it bothered me, but these days I just let it go.  I am not the only one who has dealt with this.  A lot of RA'ers report the same issue.  When it comes to work, there are days when I am ready to take on the world and days when just getting out of bed is a struggle.  When I have one of those days I try to be honest with my colleagues and let them know so that they can understand why I am doing tasks that involve sitting more than standing and so far it has worked for me. I am also fortunate (?) enough that my boss also has RA and therefore she completely understands.  A lot of RA'ers do not tell their employers about their condition because they do not want to be seen as "disabled" and that can lead to charges of malingering and brings on a whole host of issues as colleagues assume that you are being "lazy".   Taking days off when you are in the middle of a flare only adds to this because we "don't look sick". 
• Health care ignorance.  I have been fortunate enough to find terrific doctors in my journey so I have not run into this personally but many folks with chronic pain report that they have been accused of seeking drugs or having their pain be all in their heads by health care providers.  How completely demoralizing must it be to have the people who are supposed to partner with you to care for you treat you in such a manner?  If your doctor (nurse, specialist etc) doesn't believe in you, why in the world would you publisize your disease?  I wonder if these doctors realize how far they are setting our awareness back through their unkind treatment of their patients?  I wonder if they care? 

These are the major points that I feel are roadblocks in raising awareness for Rheumatoid Arthritis.  My friend Kelly, the RAWarrior, has done a wonderful job of giving you well thought out research on our awareness issues- I hope that you will stop by her blog (linked in my title) and read the other side of this issue. 

Unsettled

I am not sure what's going on with me these days, but I am feeling very unsettled.  My other half and I have hit a rough patch.  It's not the first time, I am sure it won't be the last, and normally I take these things in stride but this time it has really thrown me.  That's definitely not the whole of the issue- but a piece. 

I think another peice is that my sleep cycle is completely off.  I either sleep a whole lot- or very, very little.  Lack of sleep makes me crabby and emotional.  I could cry at the drop of a hat- but I don't because it would solve nothing except making me feel weak- which would make me crabby and emotional.  See the cycle?  Now- I am not against tears.  I cry at movies and hallmark commercials- I cry when I am sad.  Somehow this just seems irrational to be so emotional over missed sleep.  It's a me thing I think. 

Next there is stuff going on at work.  Sales are not what I would like and that means cutting back where we can.  That said, there are more iniatives rolling out and I feel like it is piling up.  I understand that in this economy we are so very lucky to be doing as well as we are and that we have to be fiscally responsible, I really do.  I understand that we need the new ideas and programs to keep the business fresh.  We can't afford to become stagnate.  On the other hand- it takes a LOT of work to do what we are doing and it will take a lot more to roll out all of the new stuff and do it right if we want to succeed.  I can't speak for my colleagues but I feel like I am trying to do more and more with less and I am wondering where my breaking point will be.  I think I am dealing with a little burnout- and I need to find a way to reverse that before I burn out any further.  Top that with the pressure of trying to not leave ANYTHING to chance so I can comfortably take time while my son is here to spend with him and I am pushing myself as much as possible. 

When I push myself and when I am overly emotional- my meals schedule gets thrown off and I don't make the best choices.  That means that my weightloss efforts have stalled.  I am literally fluctuating +/- 2lbs every week.  As much as I try to do the right thing- I falter mindlessly.  I will literally be running around and grab something and look down and realize it is gone and not feel like I have eaten- or worse- realize that I have grabbed a chocolate bar rather than a protein bar and stuffed it in my face.  It is completely on me.  I know that.  I cannot just allow myself to eat on autopilot and I know that.  That makes me kick myself -hard- which just adds to the emotional mess. 

The icing on my cake is my health.  I am feeling *okay*.  The pain and stiffness is at a bearable point.  I am not flaring with the RA or the Fibro.  I am at a midpoint I believe.  I am not as well as I was with the MTX but not as bad as with some previous treatments.  We are giving the Orencia three more months, we are stepping down the prednisone to find the lowest dose I can take without raising the pain levels.  We have added a giant NSAID twice a day to combat the swelling and once it kicks in I will step back the Tramadol.  But I think the med changes are messing with my system in more ways than one. 

So there I am- I am needing to take some time and pull myself together.  I am going to step back and do some soul searching and get myself back on track.  I ask that you bear with me.  When I come back- I will be better than ever.

My "baby" is coming to visit

     It is so very hard to live 1000 (and 63) miles from my one and only child.  I miss him every single day.  I am very fortunate that we are close enough that if we go two to three days without talking on the phone, it's a big deal.  When we moved out here almost 3 1/2 years ago, he was 19 at the time and chose to stay behind because he had a girlfriend, a job, and had been teaching at his karate school for years and didn't want to give all of that up.  While we understood- both his father and I wish desperately that he had come with us. 

     A lot has changed for him in the last three years- but he is still not ready to leave New England.  Being an only child, we have been a little....indulgent with him.  He has had it pretty easy, even when it should have been tough.  Because he came to expect this, we have had to employ a little tough love as time has gone by to help him understand that if he wants to be the adult, he has to take responsibility for his choices and his actions.   We had a bit of an issue back near his birthday because all of his cousins were to supposed to be coming to visit this summer so we offered him a plane ticket so he could be here with all of them.  He turned us down because he had other priorities.  We were a little bit hurt- okay- a lot hurt- as it had been since we lost my mother-in-law over a year ago that we have seen him.  About a month and a half ago, he found out that someone that he very much respects and admires is teaching a seminar in my parent's town next month.  He called and asked if we would buy him a plane ticket to the seminar for Christmas.  I hesitated and his father flat out said NO.  My honey said that if he wanted to come, he would have to save the money and buy his own ticket.  We can drive him back and forth the hundred miles each way to the seminar, we can take vacation time so he can visit with us and with his grandparents, we will be thrilled to have him- but he has to learn that choices have consequences and buying his own ticket is one of them.  I stand behind my honey on this one.  As much as I wanted to have him here- my honey is right.  So we gambled- and this time we won!  Last night, he booked his plane ticket and will be here for 6 days with us. 

I cannot tell you how grateful that I am that he is coming.  I refused to allow myself to get excited before the tickets were booked but now I am over the moon.  I can't wait to spend some time with him.  I can't wait to hug his neck.   I absolutely adore my son (even when I don't agree with his choices) and will take any time that I can get with him. 

Pain and Fatigue Management on World Arthritis Day

Today is World Arthritis Day.  In honor of the event, I wanted to share a few of the ways that I manage my own pain that comes from RA and Fibro.  We all know that no matter what kind of pain meds we are given- it just doesn't completely knock out the pain.  That means we all have to find ways to manage the pain- and fatigue- and sharing tips is a great way to find things we hadn't thought of before, so here are mine:

Pain:

Heat, heat and more heat!
 
In the morning- while my coffee is brewing- I run moderately hot water and soak my hands in it.  This alleviates the stiffness and the pain enough to grab that coffee.

Wrapping my hands around the cup- not the handle- radiates the heat from the coffee right into my joints. 

Heating pads - of course- are my dearest friends on many, many evenings. 

I can't say enough about Thermacare.  I can wear them to work and have them working on me all day long.  And no- I don't stick to the body part listed on the box- they can be modified to whatever you need.  My particular favorites are the ones that they claim for "menstrual pain" because they will stick to the inside of your clothing and stay right at the place you need them.  I should have bought stock in them years ago.

Massage- if you can afford a professional massage- it makes a world of difference.  If you cannot afford a professional massage- look and see if there is a masssage therapy school in your area.  It would actually be great experience for the students to learn how to work with a chronic pain patient- the important thing is to speak to the instructors first so that they can oversee your care.  You also do not want to hesitate to speak up if something does not feel right when they are working on you- it's the only way for them to learn. 

Fatigue-

Obviously the first thing I have to say is- learn to listen to your body!  If your body says it's time to stop- STOP.  Pushing through will only make it worse.  I have to admit- I am the worst about this- but I am learning. 

I am a huge fan of naps.  If you have the time and it won't mess up your normal sleep cycle- just do it!

Take some quiet time every day.  You don't have to have a huge chunk of time- even 15 minutes just to sit quietly, maybe put on soft music, maybe lose yourself in a good book- but just sit in a chair and let yourself relax.  The most important thing is to stop thinking about your to-do list or your bills, your appointments or whatever else is pulling at you.  Let it go during your quiet time.  It will really refresh and rejeuvinate you!

Find something that will help you get out of "work" mode and into "bed" mode at night and make it a routine.  For me, it's not unusual to see me in pajamas very soon after I get home at night.  Changing my clothes into my comfortable pajamas makes the transition feel real.  I take my pups for a walk at between 7:30 and 8 every evening.  After that walk I either take a nice hot shower or have a hot cup of tea.  These things send a signal to my brain that the day is ending.  I find that when I don't do these things it is much, much harder for me to turn my brain off and when I get to sleep when I go to bed.


All of these things help me to manage my pain and fatigue- and I am always on the look out for new, non-medicated, ways that other use.  So if you have tips- please let me know!  I hope one of these is something that may help you as well. 

We must stop the bullying.

     Though I have a general rule about leaving religion, sex and politics out of my blogs- I feel have to touch on this today.  The reason I leave them out is because I feel that we all have our own beliefs, values and convictions and I will not argue mine nor will I try to steer you away from yours.  In that respect- it's easier just to not discuss them.  That said- the recent suicides by children and young adults due to bullying in this country has outraged me to my core.  What is our world coming to that these children are driven to end their lives because of the mistreatment by other children?  What kind of parent allows their child to harrass another child to this point- or worse (as in the case of the infamous "myspace Mom") encourages or joins in with the bully? 

I have, through out my life, had a large number of friends who were (and still are) gay or lesbian.  I have loved them as I have any other friend.  I guess I am very fortunate.  I was raised to see people- not color, not sexuality, not size, not age- just people.  To me- no matter what color you are, no matter how old/young you are,no matter what size you are, no matter who you sleep with ( as long as it is consensual)- if you are a good person, you are a good person.  The rest just doesn't matter to me. 

Let's get to bullying for a minute.  Bullies have been around forever- the only thing that has evolved is the manner in which they go about it.  When I was a kid- a hundred or so years ago- bullies were much more physical.  Shoving people into lockers, wedgies, swirlies, and when it got bad- actually beating the victim up.  Bullies existed on and drew strength from physical intimidation and from verbal harrassment.  How many of us remember hearing about or even witnessing the "3:00 Showdown" where the bully would tell the victim and anyone else they could- that they were going to "get" them after school?  In the years that have gone by- many schools have instituted a zero-tolerance policy on the physical abuse.  While I view their zero-tolerance policies with a jaundiced eye (but that is for another post) it has made schools physically safer for the most part.  Unfortunately that has not stopped the bully- it has only driven them underground and made them more creative.  These days bullies continue with the verbal harrassment and they upped the ante by taking their harrassment online.  Have we made things better?  Or is the mental and emotional trauma far worse than the "old" days? 

A majority of the cases we have seen in the news have been teens who are LGBT.  Sharon Stapel with the Huffington Post says: 

This week we have been forced to bear witness to the violence that is done to LGBT people and wondered "how could this happen?" The suicides of nine young people who were bullied and taunted about their sexual orientation and gender expression exposed the tragedy and pain that LGBT people live with and die from every day.

 In my experience- this harrassment of kids who are- or may not be but for some reason are percieved as being- gay or lesbian is not new at all.  Back in the 80's when I was in high school it was fairly common to hear:  "He's such a FAG" or "You Homo!" or "That's so GAY".  In full disclosure- I used "That's so GAY" as often as anyone else.  At the time and even up until very recently I didn't think about how someone who WAS gay would feel about hearing that- I just used it as a descriptor for something that I found stupid.  I am sure that many people did the same that I did- and just didn't think about it any more than we do when we say "that's so retarded!" or something to that effect.

Evidently- the harrassment goes even further back.  Apparently- my generation didn't invent everything (HA!)
This morning while flipping through my usual lists of news and blogs that I go to each morning I found this message from Tim Gunn on EW's website:



Now I just admire the public personality of Tim Gunn.  I find him to be stylish and elegant, kind and wise. He is honest without being cruel.  He is a man that I would like to know on a personal basis.  That he was so desperate that he attempted suicide as a teenager just makes me incredibly sad. 



Having known my friends who happened to be gay, having had many discussions with them about what they went through to get to the point where they accept themselves and the struggle for acceptance in their families and amongst their friends- no one will EVER convince me that being gay is a choice.  No one will convince me that enduring the harrassment that they were subject to is a choice. No one will convince me that risking coming out while knowing that they could be ostracized in their own families or communities for being who they are is a choice. And if it is not a choice- then it is a part of how you are born.  If it is how you are born doesn't that mean that we are all just one or two genetic marker from being gay?

 What I don't understand is why we (as a society) view being gay as any different than being white or black, being fat or thin, being tall or short, or being disabled.  Yes- there are sterotypes- but really-there are stereotypes about Blondes (blonde moments anyone?), or tall people (must play basketball, right?); about different races (not even going there); about being thin (must be anorexic!) or fat (must just eat like a pig!); about girls who dress a certain way (SLUT!) or who are athletic (TOMBOY!) - and why do we hang tight to those and all of the other stereotypes?  Are we afraid to get to know the person as an individual?  Or are we afraid they might see the real us?

So what can we do about all of this?   Dan Savage has started the "It Gets Better Project" on Youtube.     There is also The Trevor Project aimed at stopping teen suicide.  But we can also do something closer to home.  We can speak out against bullying within our homes and our communities.  We can STOP feeding the stereotypes and start looking at what is in people's hearts rather than what is on the outside.  We can think before we speak and remember that we don't know who is listening to what we are saying.  Words are so very powerful- and you don't know how your words will affect someone who may just be passing by as you speak them.  We can teach our children tolerance and understanding.  We can encourage them to be the best person that they can be and teach them to find power in encouraging others rather than in tearing them down.  We can stand up to bullying whether it is happening to us or to someone else.  All it takes is to say the words "That's not cool." "I don't think that's funny" "I won't listen to this" or "Do you even know this person?"

My challenge to myself is to take a deep breath and think before I speak.  My challenge to myself is to remember the power of words and use mine for good.  I challenge you to create your own challenge. 

I am eternally grateful that I have never been on the receiving end of a true bully and if I ever hurt anyone through my words or actions (and I am sure that I have) I would like to publicly apologise to them here.   While I may not know first hand how it feels to be bullied I do know that it is within my power to not tolerate it and to make a difference in the life of someone who has been.  If we all work to lift one another up we will give one another strength and in that strength- nothing can tear us down. 

Welcome Fall- no matter how fleeting.

This weekend has really felt like it is finally Fall.  As I sit here this morning in my yoga pants and a hoodie sweatshirt with the back door wide open to the screen, it is a slightly chilly 51 degrees out.  If I look outside I see the wind blowing through the trees like it is rushing to get some place as quick as possible.  Our leaves- our poor leaves haven't had enough rain to turn colors and are already floating down to the ground.  Were it not for the wind I would be outside with my coffee but it would turn it cold even faster than it is now with the doors open.  It has been in the 60's all weekend and it has been lovely.  That said- this cold snap will be over soon. Starting tomorrow the temps start climbing back- mid 70's tomorrow and 80's by the end of the week.  You won't hear me griping about it though.  The longer we can hold off the winter; the happier I am. 

This weekend also sees the coming of many festivals and fairs in the area.  At my parents- it is the Fall Festival.  I haven't been to that particular festival since I was a child but I very clearly remember eating "Pronto Pups" (aka Corn Dogs) and nut covered Caramel Apples while we walked around the Festival with my Granny.  Here in New Albany it is the beginning of Harvest Homecoming.  It will be crazy down there for the next week but everyone looks forward to this event all year.  As for us- I think we are heading down to watch the Hot Air Balloon races today. We have scoped out a location that won't involve us to be in the thick of things and if we go we will take some munchies and a blanket and sit in the back of my honey's truck and watch the balloons.  If the wind keeps up- it should make for an interesting race. 

Well- I think for me it is time to go get some Apples and some caramel dip, chop some peanuts and almonds and do the double dip thing.  I might get some apple cider and throw in some spices and boil it on the stove to make the house really smell like fall.  I hope this season lasts as long as possible.  And I hope you enjoy your Sunday. 

Going out with a boom

Yesterday was the last day of my 29 days of Giving.  I decided to give every opportunity I could.  I took food to my weight watcher's meeting for the food bank, I bought Harvest Homecoming pins, which benefit our town's Harvest Homecoming celebration (we don't usually go- too crazy crowded), I donated to the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk, I spent extra time giving each of the puppies the belly loves that they love.  Essentially I tried to step outside myself and make it about everything but me.  In the end, there is a real feeling of satisfaction. 

I think my next step is to re-read the book, keep going to the website and look for other creative ideas to give to others.  Then I can begin again with another 29 day challenge. 

A Potpourri of Things

It's a beautiful Fall-feeling morning here in Kentuckiana.  Yes- I am still participating in my challenge.  It has mostly been little things each day and it definitely keeps me on my game.  I really have to stop and think.  On one hand I could write and write about how it makes me feel- on the other hand writing about the actual give would probably bore you senseless.  For example;  Friday, Day 24, I took a variety of books to my infusion center.  They have a bunch of boxes of books there for the patients to read during their infusion and we can borrow them and bring them back next treatment.  While I have never used them because I always bring something with me to read- I liked the idea and I knew that our very hardworking nurses love to read as well so I made sure to bring something they would enjoy as well.  Not very exciting in the grand scheme of things but they really enjoyed digging through that bag and seeing the new titles and that felt good.  I think what it is doing most for me is making me step outside myself and shed my day and think about someone else.  Definitely makes you stop wallowing and start getting creative. 

Speaking of getting creative.  I have been collecting for some time now all sorts of things for two vision boards.  Yesterday I complete the first of them.  This first one is for my weight loss journey.  On it is everything from pictures of three "celebs" that I think are just knock out gorgeous to photos of people doing Yoga to the actual goal to words of inspiration.  It is sitting next to me almost at my elbow so that every time I look to the left- that is what I see.  It pulls your eye do different places each time.  This time I could see "Eat Right" or "Lose for Good", next time "Discover a new calm", "Fear of Nothing" or "A journey to healthy" and then "Hello Bombshell" or "Always be your best."  The idea behind the vision board is to focus me and keep me inspired to stay on this journey. 

Another step in this is my accountability to my dear friends.  Two of my friends, my sister and I have a little group on facebook where we talk about our challenges, we share tips and ideas and are generally sharing our weight loss struggle.  In this group we have created the common goal of moving every single day.  We have created "Accountability" threads for Yoga and Pilates and we have found that each of us has cable and on our cable box we have ExerciseTV on our OnDemand.  This gives us a variety of different exercise programs to choose from and so we found one 40 minute Yoga that we really like collectively that we share and we all have other programs that we like individually.  Each day we check in on those threads and tell what we did or did not do.  This morning I just wasn't feeling it.  I didn't sleep well and I was sore and tired but knowing I had to check in- I couldnt' NOT move and so I did 20 minutes of modified yoga and movement.  After I did it I felt like I had started my day the right way.  Even if I take it easy the rest of the day- I have gotten in my movement for the day. 

I also started today watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition from last night.  Nine minutes in I had tears just streaming down my face.  I love this show.  I have watched every single episode.  It just pulls at my heart in so many different directions.  In this episode, rather than a single family they were doing a house for Girls Hope in Baltimore.  The Girls and Boys Hope program is located in 15 cities across the country.  In the residential progam- the "Scholars" as they are known, move out of their family's home in some of the worst neighborhoods in the city and into the shared house with house managers.  The program employees and volunteers mentor these children in a holistic fashion and partner with the parents to help these kids acheive their dreams.   The Baltimore Boys program (who nominated the Girls program) has a 100% rate of their graduates who complete the program going to college.  What a fantastic success rate!  In watching these boys and girls in their interviews each of them are so grateful for the opportunity that they have been given and were so excited to get to a time in their lives when they could in turn pay it forward.  What a difference this will make in their lives and the lives of so many girls and boys for years to come.  I love that EMHE chose this program for this season's opener.  It's so much bigger than just one nuclear family.  The initial "class" of girls is 7 strong but with the 11000 square foot home- there is room for even more as the program settles into their new home and grows.  Kudos to ABC for their selection of this group. 

Well- that's my round up of "good things" for this weekend.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a terrific week. 

Day 22- Our "preferred" charities

Yesterday's give was a donation to the Louisville AIDS Walk.  Some of the kids from the school have put together a team and I have to support that.  I am grateful that they have chosen to do this and that I could help out a little with my donation. 

Everyone has those different causes and events that they support.  Hubby and I have our "Fave Five" charities.  You know- the one's that you wish there was not a need for but that you will always support.  Ours are:

The Arthritis Foundation (natch)
Breast Cancer Research (both Avon Foundation and Komen)
The AIDS Foundation
The American Cancer Society
The Humane Society

These causes are very near and dear to our hearts for different reasons.  I won't expand on them because some of the stories are my honey's to tell but suffice it to say that believe strongly in what they are doing.  We also believe that we would like to see a cure for the top four in our lifetimes.  This is not to detract from any other causes because there are others that we support both seperately and together but these 5 are the most important to us as a unit.  We commend the work done by the different foundations and we also commend anyone who gets out there and does what they have to do to spread the word about both the work being done and the reason for it.  They get a big YOU ROCK from us!

Day 21- World Gratitude Day and an Anonymous Iced Tea

Happy World Gratitude Day!  I spent today making a mental list of all of the small things I am grateful for.  The usual things like just waking up this morning and my puppies and my honey and my son.  I also made it a point to share the day with everyone I could.  I made sure to thank EVERYONE for everything. 

On my way home I stopped at the store and treated myself to a Starbucks Iced Tea.  I then told the young lady to charge me for two and give one to the next person who came- I knew that would be my give for the day.  She was mystified.  Obviously she hasn't had that happen before because she stopped ringing me up to go tell the other two girls working with her.  They were all taken aback.  I hope that they passed on the iced tea- and that it made an impression on them and made them want to try it too. 

I want to take just a minute to thank all of you who read this blog.  Your comments make me smile, they make me laugh, they make me feel like we are in this together.  I appreciate that- and the time you take to read and write here- more than you can know.  You are a gift to me!

Days 18- 20, A Walk, A Bag and a Book

Whew!  It's been an exhausting couple of days.  I will try to keep this not-too-long.

Saturday- Day 18 was the Arthritis Walk.  It was a beautiful day for a walk, not terribly hot in the morning which is important.  The Arthritis Foundation of Louisville did a wonderful job of organizing everything.  I love that they invite the River City Drum Corp out every year.  I can't speak for everyone but those talented kids keep me moving the whole 5k.  We had some terrific sponsors again this year so that was fun too.  After that was over- I rushed home and we got the dogs ready for our second charity event of the day- the Bark in the Park.  This event is just what it sounds like- a day in the park for the pups with all sorts of pup related "stuff" from veteranarians to different rescue organizations and it is put together by the shelter where we found Auggie and Harley.  We picked up new bandanna's for the "kids", they got to see the people who cared for them and they ran around like crazy until they were totally worn out. 

Sunday- Day 19 was a recovery day for us.  I was worn out and so were the puppies.  We wanted to relax so we took a drive into Oldham County into horse country.  It was just beautiful.  On the way back we stopped at the store for dinner.  While we were there, for my give, I picked up the donation bag that I intended to pick up the last time I was at the grocery- before the alarms went off at the store.  I am grateful that our store has these ready.  They are in a big bin and are mesh bags that contain tuna, mac and cheese, canned veggies and fruit and other items.  You just take the bag to the cashier and they ring it up for you and you put it in the box for the shelter.  The best part of all of this is that it makes it easy to give something at any time. 

Monday- day 20 was back to work.  My assistant was having car and phone trouble.  It was an easy decision to make- I took her to the garage to drop off her car and then to the Verizon store to get another phone.  While we were in the car running around, I also shared the book that kicked this all off with her and gave her a copy- with the request that when she finishes it- she passes it on.  At the end of the day- I took her back to get her car and then went home for the day.

 I was thinking back on the day and I can't believe it has already been 20 days.  There are only 9 days left to go in this challenge and while I don't know what is in store for me in terms of my gives- I am so looking forward to where this takes me.