Thursday, July 14, 2011

Everything Changes, Nothing Changes

“There are three constants in life... change, choice and principles.” 

 Steven R. Covey




I have been thinking about journaling a lot lately.  I have journaled quite a bit over the years and I know it helps quite a bit to get your thoughts out on paper.  I have done straight journaling (beginning with the little diary with the cheesy "lock" of my childhood) as well as taking the tack of writing my blessings out each night before going to bed.   

Last night, I was going through some things.  I knew I had unused journals in a drawer somewhere and when I pulled them out- I found mixed in with the empties one that I had written back from 1991 through 1992. What struck me most was that some of my dreams of those days have come true.  There was a passage there where I had written that I would like to see us get back on our feet financially and then move out of New England and head either to the South or Midwest to a slower pace of life.  The passage went on to describe the house, the lifestyle etc.  I had put that journal in a box and forgotten all about it as time, and life, got in the way.  As I was reading it I couldn't help but smile as I compared what I had written those 20 years ago to where we are now.  I really do not remember writing that down but it must have ruminated in the back of my mind for the next 15 or so years because here we are. 

Sadly- as I was reading, I found that some of the things I had poured my heart out about had not changed at all; but on the other hand so much had changed both for the better and the worse.  I wrote a lot about my Grandmother and she has been gone for almost 10 years now.  I wrote about friends who seemed so important at the time but I can't really even remember now.  I wrote about dear friends that we are still incontact with but who are now divorced.  I wrote about my love for my husband and son, my dreams for Josh's life to come and that Jim and I were determined to keep our marriage together.  Much that didn't change was all in the details.  I still struggle with my weight.  I still struggle to quit smoking.  I still have a daily love/hate relationship with my mirror. 

I think it's time to get back to journaling again.  The problem always comes (as with much of my life) when I am knocked out of my routine.   It was interesting to see that that too has not changed.  Evidently I am even more regimented than I knew and as crazy as I thought my life was- there was still a routine to it.  It is said that we must take time, and if we feel we can't take time we must MAKE time for us.  I think that I have an idea how I can do that, I just must impletment it- and make it part of a new routine.  I have to make the choice to do this, and a few other things I have up my sleeve, for myself.  I think I will rest easier and be more at peace if I do. 


2 comments:

Kim in FL said...

Julie-I found you on the patient experience, then found your book. I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I read the forward, I, too, had tried message boards and felt that people were letting RA define them. I wanted the positive approach. I looked for a face to face group, can't find one! Reluctantly went back to the 'net, and found your blog, book, etc... thank you!!!!
Kim in FL

Jules said...

Welcome Kim! Living with a chronic illness is tough enough without surrounding ourselves with doom and gloom all of the time. We are so much more than our disease- and it's important to me to let everyone know that. I am glad you found this space- I look forward to your feedback and input. Like-minded people are always great to have around!