Monday, January 30, 2012

The Tough Questions

     I have done a whole lot of soul searching  in the last few years as I made my way along the path to positivity and gratitude.  As I picked my way through what is both in my brain and in my heart, I learned a lot about who I am, how I handle different situations, where my true values lay, and how to make the right decisions for ME.

There are two questions in my own personal development journey, however, that I have yet to be able to answer. They have me stumped!

  1. If you knew that there was absolutely no chance of failure and you could do anything that you want, what  would you do? 
  2.   If money was no object, what would you do with your life?  

     I know that the questions seem similar, but at the core they are very different.  When you have to earn a living you are willing to do a lot to make it a good living.  Many, many people do work that they are not particularly fond of if it means supporting themselves and their families.  When you don't have to worry about earning a living, the options grow exponentially and in some ways are very different.

     I don't know for certain what it is about these two questions but when I try to answer them, when I look in my head and in my heart, I stop dead.  Oh, I can think of things, but it's as if I have a commitment issue with this particular line of questions.  It is as if answering them is TOO final.  Like once I put it to paper, computer, whatever, I can't change my mind.  And goodness knows that I am good at changing my mind as to what I want to "be when I grow up."  I think it goes back to my Daddy's old saying- I just can't decide if I want to be a Ballerina or a Cowboy.  When I try to answer these, when I open myself up and try to reconcile what my head says and what my heart says, the options come so loud and so fast and get so mixed up that I can't sort them out and discard the "rubbish".  There's also the fear that I might say "Okay, this is what I would do in this situation and this is what I would do in that" and I would miss out on something that would truly bring me to my bliss.

     The irony here is that both of them are so purely hypothetical.  Failure is always an option.  Even though I am completely reconciled with the fact that we can learn so many important lessons from our failures- who wants to fail?  And as for question two- oh, I have so many ideas as to what I would do with my life if I were independently wealthy.  So many that I could not fit them all in if I had two lifetimes and 100% health.  When I start picking and choosing, I create the spiderweb of how any single life decision, big or small, can change everything  and that brings us back to the dilemma.  What would I do?  I just don't know for certain.  

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