One of my routine sources for the quotes to start my day with is Real Simple Magazine. Each morning I get a "thought for the day" and unless it immediately applies, I file it away in a special folder just waiting to be pulled out when I need it. Recently I received the following quote:
“Total commitment to family and total commitment to career is possible, but fatiguing.”
― Muriel Fox
I cannot agree more. This is the time of year for me that is just crazy. What used to be a 3 week period has easily doubled and it's very hard to make the decision as to where to let things go so that I can get through this time with my health. I am sure that those of you who live with RA, Fibro, or any of the other "invisible illnesses" understand. I mean, I already let so much go just doing the day to day that I don't know what else is left.
I am sure that some are thinking "just be glad you don't have kids depending on you". **For those that don't know- my "baby" is grown and gone.** The catch-22 is that I do have two sweet pups who are counting on me to get up in the morning, make sure they are fed and watered and let out to do their business and come home at night and make sure they get their walk. I think in a way the guilt that plagues me with them is far worse. It's not like I can explain to them that "Mommy has to work longer hours for a few weeks"- they just cock their heads (and it's so cute!) and look at me like "I don't get it but I love that we are having this conversation." It's not like we can put off their walk until late- that wouldn't be fair to them. It's also not fair to my other half to expect him to take over their care when he routinely works 10 hour days. We generally walk them together in the evening but having taken my turns to do it alone I know that it's 3x as much work juggling 2 leashes with dogs who walk at 2 different paces, poop bags, etc. Add to that asking him to do my half of the making dinner and such and it makes a long day much longer for him.
Yesterday was a really rough day. I walked in to chaos at work because of power outages over the weekend and people who didn't know how to reset the systems. From there it just went down hill. When I got home much later than usual, all I wanted to do was sit and be a lump. My stress level was high enough that I couldn't even think of food till after 8pm which isn't good for any of us.
This morning I woke up at 20 past 1 and have been up since. Insomnia on top of stress- not a good combination. On a positive side- I sent myself some quotes to get me through this time that I can hang in my office. On the other side- it's going to be an even longer day since I am leaving shortly for work and won't be home till after close. It's my hope that by Saturday evening I can walk out of there and feel like I am caught up completely so I can take Sunday off without guilt.
Do I think it's possible to do it all? Sure- I did it for years. It's just not as easy to do it all any longer while living with a chronic illness. Where I used to say "I will sleep when I am dead", now it's more of a "when can I schedule in a nap?" Hindsight being 20/20, if I could go back and take it easier when I could have, I most certainly would- and you can quote me on that.