Friday, August 5, 2011

Inviting Misery

I was reading in a new "RA Support Group" on Facebook and have found two very contrasting people on there very quickly.  The ironic thing is that with the new "reordering" of Facebook groups (when a thread is replied to it goes to the top), their threads are one after the other.

The first is a woman who is, like all of us, in pain every day.  The issue is not that she is in pain, the issue is that she seems to be expecting a quick fix and we all know that doesn't happen.  She is angry, she is frustrated and she is blaming everything on her doctors because they are doing what we all go through and working to find the right combination for her.  She doesn't want to hear that not everyone responds to the same combos. She doesn't want to hear that it's normal to have to try different combinations of medications.  She has had some great insights from folks who have been living with this disease all of their lives but she just shuts them down.  She is not open to anything other than complaining about her situation, complaining about her doctors and complaining about not getting enough sympathy from everyone else.  I can't speak to anyone else, but for me- that entirely makes me shut down.  It has taken all of 3 posts and I am done.  I haven't even replied because I have seen her get snarky with anyone who doesn't coddle her and I am at the point now that I will just have to ignore her.

The second woman posted a post that I completely agree with.  She flat out said that there is no cure, there is no magic bullet and we should just be grateful for the things we do have.  Needless to say- that is the way I feel as well.  We are all in pain, it is not going away any time soon so we have to make the best of what we have.  Doing that has been such a difference in my life.  It's surprising even now, several years into this journey, to be able to discover new joys and blessings every day.

I truly believe that our attitudes shape the way our live play out.  I think everyone knows someone who seems to have a black cloud over their head.  I bet that at least once you have heard them say "Why does everything happen to me???" or "Bad things always happen to me" or "I am cursed!"  Well, I fully believe that it is because they are always waiting on that next bad thing to happen. By doing so they are opening themselves up to one bad thing after another.   On the flip side- I am sure everyone knows someone who is always bright and sunny.  This is a person that you can always count on for a smile and who seems to live a charmed life because everything seems to go their way.  Consider the two of them side by side and you can see how their attitude and outlook affect the way their life plays out.

Next time you are having a rough patch- start looking for blessings to count.  Even if it is only to be thankful that you dont' have a terminal illness, you can still walk, you can still talk and think, basically how much worse you could have it.  Then come back and let me know if it helps you to cope with the rough patch.  I would be interested in seeing if it works for as many people as I think it will.

Happy Friday!  


MissDazey said...

Great post. The first woman type is why I do not visit the many RA sites and blogs. Not healthy or positive for me to read lists of aches and pains, especially when so many seem to having a "I hurt more than you" contest. I did try to join a few groups a couple of years ago, but I got too depressed. More fun and cheerful things to think about, like puppies and daisies.

deb aka murphthesurf said...

I refer to this as the glass is half full or half empty view, depending which one is taken. I personally believe in the half full concept and keep trying to add to my glass too. And I love kitties and daisies too :-)