Sunday, August 21, 2011

Well, this is an interesting development

I have been overdoing it.  I know I have, I push myself too hard.  If you have ever read the Tao of Pooh, I am a classic Tigger.  If you have not- here is what Benjamin Hoff says about Bouncy Tigger: 

"A fish can't whistle and neither can I." There's nothing wrong with not being able to whistle, especially if you're a fish. But there can be lots of things wrong with blindly trying to do what you aren't designed for. Unfortunately, some people aren't so wise, and end up causing big trouble for themselves and others. The wise know their limitations; the foolish do not. To demonstrate what we mean, we can think of no one better than Tigger, who doesn't know his limitations ('Tiggers' can do everything'), which brings him in lots of trouble.
Having overdone it these last few weeks, I am starting to pay for it.  Knees, hips, right wrist and elbow joints  have been talking to me all week along with the attached muscles.  This morning, I rolled out of bed-very slowly- and made my way down stairs with the intention of coffee and then heading in to work for a few hours.  As I sat in my chair to wait for the coffee to brew I felt like a giant walking bruise with throbbing bits here and there.  When the coffee dinged, I went in and attempted to pour that pot.  As I lifted it, pain shot through my arm and I started to shake. This is a new flare symptom for me- the extreme weakness and instant shaking on top of the pain.   It took two hands to get the coffee into the cup.  That doesn't tickle when you have one hand on a hot pot to steady it but the heat did serve to loosen my left hand a bit.  I drank my coffee and took my meds, hoping it would settle the pain enough for me to get to work. 

I drank most of the pot of coffee and waited longer than I wanted before heading out.  The next two weeks will be absolutely nuts (I anticipate 6am to 9pm on many days) so I stopped at Target last night to get granola, new snack bars and cereal and on my way this morning at Kroger for greek yogurt and bagels to stock my space at work as there won't be time for anything other than meals on the run.  I carried the yogurts and bagels to my car and had to sit for a few minutes to stop the shaking before I drove.  I made a quick stop at my local gas station (the only place in town that has my Dunkin Donuts coffee) and had to use 2 hands to carry a 24oz coffee on the car.  It was at that point I gave up.  I sent a text to my assistant manager who was going to try to come in after church and family obligations today to help me and told her to not bother, that I was hurting and was taking the day off.  I went ahead to work and dropped off all of the food (it took several trips) and headed in to Kentucky for cigarettes (don't judge) for hubby and I and that cemented my decision when I couldn't hold on to a cup of ice with my right hand. 

I came home feeling quite defeated, to be honest.  My body is once again betraying me this time in a major way.  I feel like I am too weak today to do much of anything today.  I have watched two episodes of Alphas while I sent an email to a friend and wrote this post.  Hubby has take a couple of bags of my magazine articles upstairs for me and I am heading back to my bed to relax the rest of the day.  I am going to sit on my bed and go through the articles I have saved and watch movies.  I figure if I am somewhat bed bound I can at least get some of the articles I want to reference in the future in binders.  At least that will be productive.  Later this evening, when I make my way down to have dinner, I will email my office with a to do list for tomorrow.  I am thinking that since today was all about doing "clean up" on things my staff was supposed to do last week- this will be a good opportunity to hold them accountable since I cannot physically do it myself.  

Before I sign off and head upstairs- a list of a few things I am grateful for today so that I can get out of my own head and stop letting this make me think unproductive thoughts. 

1-  That this happened on a Sunday, so the store isn't open and people aren't counting on me to be there.
2-  Cable TV- to keep me entertained while I confine myself to my bed.
3-  That hubby has plans today.  He's leaving shortly for a golf scramble for work so he won't be either wanting to go do things or hovering over me. 
4-  That I didn't tell him that because I do appreciate him but I just feel like "licking my wounds" alone. 
5-  Birds-eye Steam Fresh Lightly Sauced Brand.  Their Rigatoni and Veggies in a Tomato and Parm sauce will be an easy, healthful dinner this evening. 

Now- I am off to lay in my bed and hope my body cooperates with this enforced day of rest.  That way I can get back to the salt mines and be useful tomorrow and through the rest of my rush. 


Cassandra Mary said...

:( I feel for you. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking when our bodies betray us.

Now I am no Tigger, but I definitely know how it hurts (physically and mentally,) when I overdo it, thinking that I can do as much as I used to, with the same amount of energy. It always seems to catch up eventually.
Thank you for the list of things you're grateful for... reminds me that I need to do the same when I'm feeling like death warmed over (or a walking bruise).
May you find the peace you need and feel rested enough to make it through the rest of your week.

Wren said...

Wow, Jules, it sounds like you really did need that rest--and for more than a single afternoon and evening. I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. Indeed, you and I seem to be on the same track as far as RA pain is concerned. And jeez, you have Fibro, too.
I know how dedicated you are to your job, but I hope that you'll take care of yourself, too, during the next several weeks. In the meantime, you're in my thoughts. I'm sending warmth, comfort and peace through the ether to you, along with a gentle hug.