I spent last night having a personal pity party. We have been watching my liver enzyme levels for the past several months. A normal reading is AST 5-40 and ALT 7-56. Mine have been fluctuating between 56 and 122 for both. At my appointment in February, my doc and I agreed that we would lower my MTX slightly and see if that did the trick. Evidently- it did not as my results are back from last week's blood tests (I love my doc's three day turn around time) and my numbers are at 205 and 174. Never, ever let it be said that when I do something I don't do it with gusto. :-s
Though I should have seen it coming- I was very hopeful that by lowering my MTX- we would head things off. I do not want to give up my Methotrexate. I have said that a thousand times- to my doc, to family members, to myself. I know that everyone has different reactions to meds- but for me Methotrexate has been my savior. Over the last two years I have gotten to the point that I feel better than I did before my diagnosis. I started on the feeling better path right after we put me on MTX and just got better and better as we upped my dose. It was only after I had been on it almost a year that we added Enbrel to the mix. When I started having my liver issues I offered to go off every other drug in my regimen if it meant keeping the MTX. That didn't fly with my doc.
So now- I am headed to a Gastroenterologist. My doc actually scheduled my consult with the GI doc for next week. I have been pretty much guaranteed that she will pull me off my MTX immediately. That scares me because pre-mtx I was just about at the point of needing a cane. I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go back to taking hours to be able to get dressed in the morning. I don't want to go back to having to time walking the dogs so that the pain is not too bad yet. And there I go whining again.
In the hour and a half or so since I began this post, I found out that one of my online friends lost her 1 year old daughter last night. It rather makes my whining above seem pretty foolish. My heart just breaks for her. It puts things in perspective very quickly.
For me that means that I am going to spend the next week- while I wait for my doctor's appointment- giving thanks for every single thing- big and small- in my life. I am going to hold my loved ones closer. I am going to take things in stride because really- the alternative is a choice I don't want to take.