Out With The Old/In With The New

OUT WITH THE OLD-

I discovered this year, my 49th in this world, that I just don't understand people at all.  Here are a few of the things I don't understand:

I don't understand berating strangers, in person or online.
I don't understand destroying property- not your own but especially that which belongs to others
I don't understand physically harming another person.
I don't understand when life became disposable.
I don't understand the inability to look beyond political parties to see what makes the whole of a person.
I don't understand name-calling.
I don't understand hate.  Period.

This year-2016- has been the most hate-filled of my memory.  I was born at the tail-end of the Civil Rights Era and I honestly feel we have regressed.  This year we have seen very vocal and very violent hate based on religion, gender, race, who you love, who you vote for, whether or not you believe in gun regulation, - pretty much anything you can imagine and I just don't get it.  Maybe that makes me naive, but I feel that it makes me happier than living with hate in my heart.  It's certainly more peaceful than being angry all of the time.

IN WITH THE NEW-

This year I have not made resolutions.  I have instead decided to adopt two keywords for 2017:

Kindness

And

Gratitude

If I can live with those two little words first and foremost in my heart for 2017.  It will be a stellar year.  

Happy New Year Friends... 

The Ultimate Dinner Party

I am an unabashed Harry Potter Geek.  I have read the books over and over, went to the midnight premiere of each movie and have seen the movies every time I pass them on the television.  The cast is made up of a seemingly terrific group of well-adjusted kids and some of the luminaries of British stage and screen.  So when Alan Rickman passed away last week at the age of 69, I was truly sad.  The tributes, from all of those who had worked with him over the years were so poignant.  I found myself thinking "I would have loved to have met him."

This got me thinking about all of the people that I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with.  Yesterday being Martin Luther King Jr day, I would love to have a sit down with him and see what he thinks of the world we live in today and how much he feels we have progressed- or- regressed- in the years since his passing.  I've heard one version of this called the "Ultimate Dinner Party."  I've heard it done with just those that are still living, only those that are no longer with us, famous people, not-famous people and any combination.  I believe the guideline is 5-10 guests so you can spend time with each.

So I think I will do a bit of both in my journal.  I will do three dinner parties: only live and famous guests, only those who have passed and a "famous only to me" with a combination of both.  Once my lists are made, I will journal why I want these particular guests- and see what I learn about myself in the process.

I challenge you to do the same.  You don't need to post it- just do it.  See what you learn about you!

Have a great week.

Do you take good care of yourself?

I read a terrific article this week from Leo Babauta over at Zen Habits entitled When Willpower is Trumped by Bad Habits.  This article really resonated with me.  I have a HUGE tendency to let my bad habits get in the way of me taking care of me.  Having always been the one who takes care of other people and focusing on everything but myself- I seem to very easily get caught up in my life and my will power falls by the wayside.

 I have so many good intentions for myself, so many things that I want to do and so many changes that I want to make for my health and for my well being.  I think about them, I make plans for them, and then I wake up in the morning and I go about my business and suddenly realize that -Oops- I was supposed to do XYZ today.

When I was reading Leo's blog, something struck me.  I know I have said it before- but it's much easier said than done.  Who will take care of me if I don't take care of myself?  Don't get me wrong.  I don't discount all that my husband and my parents do for me when I am feeling ill, but it's not like they can quit smoking for me or lose the weight I need to lose or exercise for me.  They can't make sure I get enough sleep (though they try) or make sure I don't get so caught up that I forget to take my noon meds.  They can't make sure I don't do to much at work or at home.  Only I can do these things and because I want to be able to "do it all"- I tend to ignore me and my good intentions and just keep going.  I don't know how to overcome that part of myself.

It was the number 5 part of the article that I need to concentrate on: " Beat the urge to do the old bad habit".  In it they list the ways to do this but the most important thing is "Pay attention to the urges.  Urges win when you let them go unnoticed.  They have power.  Pay attention."  That made my light bulb go "click".  That is exactly what I do.  I don't pay attention and the next thing I know- I am right back in the midst of old habit.

I think it's time to break up my routine.  They suggest to find a replacement habit.  I think this is important because it's when I keep at my current routine that I blow whatever I am trying to accomplish.  Something to think about. Something to plan- and we know I like my plans.

If you are looking for positive ways to make changes to your life- I highly recommend the Zen Habits blog.  I get the feed sent to my email and I make the time to read it within a few hours of it hitting the inbox.  You can also follow Leo on Google+ (I am LOVING Google+) and on Twitter if you choose not to have it emailed to you.

   

My "Oprah Effect"

Love her or not, I have never met anyone who didn't have an opinion on the Oprah Show.  Everyone in my life knows that I admire her and what she has done in her life so it should come as no surprise that I share this post today, the day after the final episode.  I have said over and again since the time drew closer to the end of the Oprah Winfrey Show that at the end I would not watch the final episode (and as we learned that the last three episodes would be a surprise from her staff, I included those) until I had time that I was able to just sit and listen and cry.  I knew it would happen because this show, this woman, has been a big part of my life for 25 years.  So what better time to watch the last three shows when I am in the midst of an isomnia fueled night? 

I was young, I was just 19 years old, 7 months married, living overseas and thought I was so grown up when the Oprah Show debuted in 1986.  Since then I have learned that no matter how "grown" I think I am at any give point, I really do still have so much to learn. Since then I have invested 25 years in my marriage, we have raised a now 24 year old son, I have worked crazy hours, changed careers and changed locations, been through health issues and loss.  All the while, whether I taped it (I started taping it on VHS and now it's all digital O_o )  or watched live, there was always an hour in the day that I could forget about everything going on in my life.  Some days I laughed at silliness (Oprah and Gayle's Big Adventures anyone?) , some days I cried with people who had overcome great tragedy and adversity, some days I marveled at the generosity that she discovered in real people doing extraordinary things to give back and some days I just sat and listened because it seemed as if she were talking only to me.

My parents taught me many great lessons and Oprah has accentuated them: 

Over the years Oprah has made me think a lot about myself and what I am doing with my life and in my relationships.  My parents taught me that we all have choices and that we must take responsibility for our choices.  Oprah took that a step further and  taught me that I should "live my truth" and "live my best life" and that the two are not mutually exclusive.  I have learned that when I am faced with a big decision I should look inside because only I really know what the answer should be.  I have also learned that I can live my life on my own terms and that I can make those choices with grace and peace in my heart.  I have learned to listen to and look for the "aha moments" because they are there to teach you about yourself along the journey of your life. 

  Over the years Oprah has taught me the power of gratitude and the power of positivity and that the only limits were those I place on myself.  She introduced me to "the Secret" and that the universe is always giving back what you put into it.  Whether you call that Karma or The Law of Attraction or by some other name, like feeds like and returns it to you.  The power of gratitude and the power of positivity have determined how I handled the diagnosis if an incurable, chronic and "invisible" illness.  They have deterimed how I would handle the rest of my life with these same illnesses.  Without these gifts, I could very well have given in to the pain and the exhaustion, the doctor's visits and tests and very expensive medications and all of the challenges that come with a life with RA and Fibro.  I could have curled into a ball on my bed and pushed people away and had a good long pity party, constantly complaining about how I feel and how unfair it all is- we see it often within our community.  I didn't allow myself to go down that path only because I really listened when Oprah didn't just say the words but showed us time and again examples of how it is possible to overcome adversity if you look at things from a place where you are grateful.  She has taught me to really see how blessed I am to have the family that I have and to identify all of the many blessings in my life.

My parents gave me the love of reading and Oprah made it "okay" to be a big book geek.  She introduced me to Randy Pausch's "Last Lesson"and Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat Pray Love" and dozens of other books that I have devoured and that to this day mean the world to me.  With those books, and her "Book Club Dinner" shows, I learned to read not just for my own enjoyment but also with an eye on being able to truely discuss the books and share the books that I have read and their effects on me.  I have learned how to take these books and go back through with a critical eye and see how I may apply their lessons to my life. 

I could write for days on all of the different lessons that I have learned from the Oprah Show and from the actions that she takes in her life but if I had one more takeaway from my years of watching the show it is this:
She taught me that the possibilities are endless and that when you touch someone's life you leave a legacy.  She has left a legacy behind that has touched so many and for that I want to say "I will miss your daily presence in my life.  In the ending of your 25 year run, I feel like I am losing a friend. Thank you, Oprah! Here's wishing you the best from the bottom of my heart" 

Mama Kat's Writing Prompts

I recently discovered a blog called "Mama's Losing It".   It can be found here: 

In addition to a pretty irreverant blog, Mama Kat posts a weekly list of Writing Prompts which (as a part of her writer's workshop) are designed to make us think and get our creative juices flowing.  Today (though it's the middle of the night, I am still considering this Wednesday) I am feeling very grateful for Mama Kat's blog and her prompts because I am feeling very stuck working on book #2 and I am hoping that working through this exercise at least for a few weeks will shake things loose in this brain of mine. 

In the same vein, I picked up a "Writer's Toolbox" at B&N a couple of visits ago and it's time to get working with that as well. 
This week I will be writing on the topic "Something students these days should know" from the "Mama's Losing It" blog.  I am going to try to work this topic into the general basis behind my blog and focus on positive lessons but since I think there might be a little snark hiding in there so I am not sure that I will keep posting these exercises here or on a different blog. 

Chronic Living

     My first little e-book, Chronically Positive, has received a really nice reception.  It's not a New York Times Bestseller by any means (lol!) but of you google it- it's the first thing that pops and that's a pretty neat thing.  I always wanted to write.  When I was a kid that was my version of wanting to be a police man or fireman when I grew up. 

     What held me back was a fear of failure and not knowing where I wanted to go with it.    Like everyone else who wants to become a writer, I always imagined I would write "The Great American Novel".  Conventional wisdom for writers says "write what you know" but I kind of felt that I didn't know anything worthy of a making an interesting novel.  I would start, put it away, and forget about it and then repeat the cycle.  Finally I just stepped back, put the writing bug in a particular compartment in the back of my brain and changed my dream.  I love books in any way, shape or form so what could be better than helping shape good writing?  I thought long and hard and decided that my dream job would be editing fiction.  It would keep me in the realm of books and if I could do it at home- in my jammies- life would be just about perfect. 

     Then I started this little blog and I found all of you.  The people who read this blog have been so supportive and so encouraging of my journey.  I have enjoyed writing most every post.  Even when I did a series and forced myself to write, it never became a "job".  Instead it challenged me to keep going even when I didn't really feel like pushing myself.  As I wrote and wrote and wrote (this will be the 336th post!) and wrote both from my head and my heart, the door on that little compartment in my brain opened up and I decided that I definitely know a little about living well with an adverse situation so I challenged myself to see if I could complete a book. 

     Chronically Positive may never sell to anyone who doesn't know me but I didn't write it to be a money-maker.  I wrote it as a personal test and not only did I pass my test but more importantly, it helped me to find my voice.  When I hit the "publish" button, something inside me gave a deep sigh.  It was a feeling of having completed something that had been a long time coming.  I thought that I would be satisfied when I shared it with the world but it seems that there is more in there just waiting to get out.  And so I being again. 

     My next project is entitled "Chronic Living".  Like Chronically Positive, I am writing it not just for those of us living with a chronic illness but anyone who is experiencing difficulties in their life.  I have a list of 10 "chapter" ideas thus far and have already begun working on them.  This is going to be a slow process because I want it to be better than the first because I want to grow from the first. 

     Now I am asking for your input.  The title "Chronic Living" means to me that we are on a continuous journey to live with love, peace, happiness in our lives.  It's about living authentically.  It's about facing our challenges head on.  My question for you is this- how are you acheiving your best life?  What do you do, even though you are in a less than ideal situation, to make the best of it?  You can leave a comment right on the blog, or if you would prefer not to share publicly- email me at ChronicallyPositive@gmail.com

I hope you have a terrific day and a lovely weekend! 

More Happy Tears

I am going to start thinking of Monday mornings as "Bawl Your Head Off Monday."  I just watched episode 2 of Secret Millionaire on ABC featuring millionaire Marc Paskin.  Marc is a successful real estate investor from San Diego who was dropped down in Detriot's inner city.  ABC did a better job of rounding up Marc's chosen groups than I could:

61-year-old Paskin, a multi-millionaire spent six days living on just $50. That's the equivalent of one week on Detroit's welfare assistance for a single man over 55.
He moves into a typical, run down, one-bedroom house on the east side of Detroit. The east side is known for being overrun with drugs, crime and gangs.  Paskin finds three worthy charities to donate his time and money to.

The first is The MAN Network. MAN stands for Maintaining a Neighborhood. The organization strives to bring safety to neighborhoods and provide community building activities.

The next is Young Detroit Builders. The organization provides young adults ages 18-24 the opportunity to learn how to build and remodel homes. They are dedicated to helping Detroit's disadvantaged youth learn job and life skills. They have rebuilt 800 homes in the past 17 years.

Paskin spent a day volunteering with Really Living, a corporation that offers uninsured patients free transportation to their medical appointments.


For more on the charities visit:

The MAN Network: http://themannetwork.net/

Young Detroit Builders: http://www.youngdetroitbuilders.com/

Really Living: http://www.reallylivingcorp.org/index.html

For ways to get involved in your community: http://abc.go.com/shows/secret-millionaire/get-involved

They didn't mention the young lady that Marc helped out.  This woman who is living on dialysis, also has a daughter who was born at 27 weeks and immediately had to have a 6 hour colostomy surgery.  It was during her daughter's initial health scare that the young lady's transplanted kidney failed and she began a lifetime of dialysis.  Marc gave her $20,000 and the young woman is using it to go back to school to build a better life for her daughter.  The interesting thing is that they say that Marc's goal now is to give it all away before he dies. 

The next show I am watching this morning is on Lifetime and is called "Coming Home".  Coming Home features real military men and women and their families.  It brings home military members to their families in a surprise reunion.  One example is that of a young girl who was having violin concert at school and their brought her Dad home and surprised her at her concert.  Another family has a 5 month old baby girl and the father had never met her because he was deployed when his wife was 4 months pregnant.   What I like about this program is that it serves as a reminder that there is not just our military men and women who are sacrificing when they are deployed- their families make a supreme sacrifice as well. 

Needless to say- my eyes haven't been dry all morning but in a good way. 

Of course, last week I mentioned that this really inpires me.  Each espisode of EMHE and Secret Millionaire has made me want to do SOMETHING for those organizations.  I realized that what I need to do is look closer to home and find something in my own area that means a lot to me to help out with.  Marc Paskin said something as he was ready to leave Detroit that really ties in with last week's post and so I want to leave you with it: 

"Not everybody has money to give away but everyone can give their time and their love.  It’s time to give back."

                                                         -Marc Paskin

A Potpourri of Things

It's a beautiful Fall-feeling morning here in Kentuckiana.  Yes- I am still participating in my challenge.  It has mostly been little things each day and it definitely keeps me on my game.  I really have to stop and think.  On one hand I could write and write about how it makes me feel- on the other hand writing about the actual give would probably bore you senseless.  For example;  Friday, Day 24, I took a variety of books to my infusion center.  They have a bunch of boxes of books there for the patients to read during their infusion and we can borrow them and bring them back next treatment.  While I have never used them because I always bring something with me to read- I liked the idea and I knew that our very hardworking nurses love to read as well so I made sure to bring something they would enjoy as well.  Not very exciting in the grand scheme of things but they really enjoyed digging through that bag and seeing the new titles and that felt good.  I think what it is doing most for me is making me step outside myself and shed my day and think about someone else.  Definitely makes you stop wallowing and start getting creative. 

Speaking of getting creative.  I have been collecting for some time now all sorts of things for two vision boards.  Yesterday I complete the first of them.  This first one is for my weight loss journey.  On it is everything from pictures of three "celebs" that I think are just knock out gorgeous to photos of people doing Yoga to the actual goal to words of inspiration.  It is sitting next to me almost at my elbow so that every time I look to the left- that is what I see.  It pulls your eye do different places each time.  This time I could see "Eat Right" or "Lose for Good", next time "Discover a new calm", "Fear of Nothing" or "A journey to healthy" and then "Hello Bombshell" or "Always be your best."  The idea behind the vision board is to focus me and keep me inspired to stay on this journey. 

Another step in this is my accountability to my dear friends.  Two of my friends, my sister and I have a little group on facebook where we talk about our challenges, we share tips and ideas and are generally sharing our weight loss struggle.  In this group we have created the common goal of moving every single day.  We have created "Accountability" threads for Yoga and Pilates and we have found that each of us has cable and on our cable box we have ExerciseTV on our OnDemand.  This gives us a variety of different exercise programs to choose from and so we found one 40 minute Yoga that we really like collectively that we share and we all have other programs that we like individually.  Each day we check in on those threads and tell what we did or did not do.  This morning I just wasn't feeling it.  I didn't sleep well and I was sore and tired but knowing I had to check in- I couldnt' NOT move and so I did 20 minutes of modified yoga and movement.  After I did it I felt like I had started my day the right way.  Even if I take it easy the rest of the day- I have gotten in my movement for the day. 

I also started today watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition from last night.  Nine minutes in I had tears just streaming down my face.  I love this show.  I have watched every single episode.  It just pulls at my heart in so many different directions.  In this episode, rather than a single family they were doing a house for Girls Hope in Baltimore.  The Girls and Boys Hope program is located in 15 cities across the country.  In the residential progam- the "Scholars" as they are known, move out of their family's home in some of the worst neighborhoods in the city and into the shared house with house managers.  The program employees and volunteers mentor these children in a holistic fashion and partner with the parents to help these kids acheive their dreams.   The Baltimore Boys program (who nominated the Girls program) has a 100% rate of their graduates who complete the program going to college.  What a fantastic success rate!  In watching these boys and girls in their interviews each of them are so grateful for the opportunity that they have been given and were so excited to get to a time in their lives when they could in turn pay it forward.  What a difference this will make in their lives and the lives of so many girls and boys for years to come.  I love that EMHE chose this program for this season's opener.  It's so much bigger than just one nuclear family.  The initial "class" of girls is 7 strong but with the 11000 square foot home- there is room for even more as the program settles into their new home and grows.  Kudos to ABC for their selection of this group. 

Well- that's my round up of "good things" for this weekend.  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a terrific week. 

Brick Walls

"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people"
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

Each year on or around my birthday, I like to spend some time looking back at the year that just passed and really thinking hard about what I have achieved and what I did not achieve for the year. This introspection is usually marked by resolutions, if you will, for what I want from the next year of my life. I have not completed this task yet for this year but I did manage to get a small start on it. Rather than doing the ritual "contemplating of my navel"- I spent the weekend with my husband, my parents, my sister and her family which left very little time to look inward until bed time each night.

One thing I did realize is that when it comes to the brick walls that Randy Pausch describes above- I think that I am the one who builds mine. I don't just run into a brick wall standing in the middle of my road, I build it- brick by brick. I am not saying that I am a pessimist or that I don't want changes badly enough to climb over those walls- just that I am the one who stops myself from doing the things that I want to do.

I think maybe I tend to overanalyze things and look for the solutions to problems before they exist rather than searching for the opportunities. That is a mindset switch that I need to make. If I can find a way to break out of that cycle, not only will I get over those walls but they will come tumbling down in the process. The question is- how to do that. That will give me another layer to consider as I decide how to shape the next year of my life.

If you have not seen Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" I urge you to go to Carnegie Mellon's website and watch the entire lecture. If you let it, it will change you. I am going to watch the whole thing tonight before I start back working through this process.

Inspiration

I believe that in my life I find different inspiration in different forms.  This morning- I want to document a couple of my different inspirations. 

Marriage-

My parents have been married for a lovely 44 years.  First of all- that is a very long time considering that my generation is the first generation of kids when divorce became common.  So very many of my friends parents split (some more than once) while we were kids and that is something that we never had to worry about.  After being together for over 45 years- my parents are still crazy about each other.  That is huge!  They love one another and love us girls and were never afraid to show it.  Growing up surrounded by that kind of love; seeing the sacrifices they make for one another and for us; it's a terrific lesson for us.  If you aren't sure if successful marriage can be influenced by what you grow up with- consider the fact that we girls have been married from 15 to 24 years.  We have all had our ups and downs but we have stuck with it.  That's something to be proud of but I can say that (at least in my case) when the going gets rough- we think of Mom and Dad. 

Joy-

As we get older, as we take on more responsibility, as we "grow up", I think we lose a bit of our joy.  Think about this for a minute.  Do you remember when you were a child and went to the park and hopped on the swing and pumped and pumped and pumped until  you felt like you were flying?  Do you remember the first day of the summer that you could go outside and turn the sprinklers on and run through them with abandon?  How about laughing so hard that you couldn't catch your breath and then giggling about it all day?  When was the last time you felt that way?  I know that for me it was a long time.  When I think about pure joy- I think about kids and dogs.  Now- my "kid" is now an adult- and my neices and nephews live far, far away; but I have two "puppies" in my life.  When I get home after a long day; when my key turns in the lock- they go into a frenzy.  Auggie is jumping up and down wiggling around and so happy he nearly turns himself inside out.  Harley brings me whatever toy (or shoe) is in between her and me and just wiggles till I take it and play with her.  They radiate so much love and are so happy to see me that it is just infectious!  No matter how bad the day as been- their pure joy at seeing me lifts me up and makes me want to be as happy as they are. 

Kindness and Loyalty-

My sisters are two of the sweetest women you could ever meet.  They are smart, they are funny, they are considerate and are far better than I at remembering important dates or tidbits.  If they love or care about you the two of them stand beside you through thick and thin.  They take the time and think of ways to lift you up (from a great distance I might add) when you are having a rough time and they don't hesitate to show you how proud they are of you.  They inspire me to be a better person in my own life and relationships. 

Physically-

When you have weight issues- it is a common practice to do Before and After pictures.  In fact I need to take my "before " pics very soon , I just haven't had the time this week.  It's also a fairly common practice to put in a prominant place (like your fridge) a photo of what you would LIKE to look like.  These are mine:

What I like about these two ladies- Jennifer Aniston and Kate Beckinsale- is that both are honest enough to admit that they were not born into those bodies but that they take hard work to look that good! 

They are also in my age range (Jennifer is two years younger than I am and Kate 5 years younger) and look FABULOUS.  Now- will I ever REALLY look that fit and that beautiful?  Not in my lifetime- but I can work toward it to the best of my ability. 

So that is a few of the people who inspire me.  I am grateful to have them to look toward when I am feeling low and find the strength to keep on keeping on.